The Ratman Cometh - WiP

not the final name.]

Here’s an extra quick summary for those who don’t wish to wade through the inevitable wall of text:

It’s set in a fantasy RPG inspired world. It’s really short so far - stupidly short, barely out of character creation. Here’s the link. All hope abandon and so on:

The Ratman Cometh

For those brave souls still in the audience, this is where I explain some stuff:

Couple years back, I was playing some RPG and got annoyed because RPG tropes - the MacGuffin Chain of Chasing nonsense or whatever is but one example. I asked myself some questions, and I found myself answering said questions in the forms of a super bareboned story idea and a vague blob of a world concept. I never did anything with 'em because, let’s face it, I’m a creative coward… but it sort of sat in my brain, just out the corner of my mind’s eye. Taunting me.

…until now-ish.

This is not that game. It is that world, though I’m hesitant to call it that because it’s so… basic and unformed. You don’t call raw clay a pot, right? Anyway, this is a prologue/prequel chapter to the ‘game’ mentioned in the previous actual paragraph, something I was kicking around to explain why the MC was where they were and so on. Basically, you’re gonna be hired to off some rats. Other stuff happens, too. I know some of it - most of it, I guess- but crap can pop up in the writing, yeah?

I still have half a mind to… not share this. Force of habit, you know how it is. Also, I’ve so far proven largely incapable of first drafting - my writing process, thanks to ADD and last minute college assignment habits, can be described as ‘perfect one (or none) and done,’ which translates to constant second guessing and mental editing before I even start typing…and then giving up.

Thing is, I actually like the idea and want to do something with it. However, the way I’ve been going at it hasn’t been working all too well - friggin’ worldbuilding, how does it work?- and I’ve decided to reach out, use the wonderful resources that you folks are.

SO… I don’t really consider this a game as such. I’ve no intention of publishing this thing. It’s an exercise of sorts… I like to think that it’s my child- I have kept it in a tower for the past whatever years, but I’ve recently noticed that it’s in a state of arrested development or something. So I’m bringing it to the park - the outside world- so it can interact with other children… and to also let the other parents (y’all, in case y’all were wondering) criticize the everliving crap out of my parenting techniques. Get me back into the swing of writing things. So on.

Poke relentlessly at all the things, obviously, but there’re a few things I’d like y’all to pay special attention to/be aware of:

  • watch out for an absurd amount of alliteration. I don’t mean to do it, but it happens. also, flow of sentences and whatnot. just… the prose-y bits in general, though I’m not too worried about typos right now.

  • there really aren’t many characters right now - one, really, outside the MC so far. but I’m scared of everyone eventually sounding… samey. and too much like me.

  • I don’t have stats, and I don’t plan on having them in numeric form as such. I do want to implement some kind of trait system, give more of a difference to the classes (add more classes, too) than cosmetic/backstory stuff. I’m just a bit… stuck on where to begin with it.

  • I’m extremely worried about accidental plagiarism (in general, of late)/characters I’d half pictured years ago turning out to be a bit more like X character from Y wip than I’d like. (were they always like that? or have i been pushing them to be like that since meeting X?)

  • Not in the game, but if you catch me in the act of self-deprecation, smack me in the face with a fish. It’s another habit - don’t mean to do it- and I hate it but I can’t STOP. Also, please don’t let this relic of my past self-esteem issues temper your criticism, if that might be an issue.

…I’ve more, if you can believe it, but this wall’s a bit too tall and it’s only the opening post. So… please, have at it. What’s there to be had at, I mean.


No but you do call it contemporary, conceptual art.:wink:


Hmm… People eat that stuff up, right? Rich people especially?

…if anybody knows where I can find large amounts of clay that can be obtained for free, let me know.


Have you tried digging the ground? I heard it’s the motherlode for clay enthusiast.


I really enjoyed what you have so far! I like the style, it all flows very nicely (ironically, the alliteration helps in this. It also gives the tone this almost sardonically whimsical- considering the setting is a bar and the two characters are a pirate and a wanted criminal- tone that really helps up the fantasy setting.) I also really enjoy the descriptions you use, like the very first description of The Weeping Dove? I love it.

As to your specific concerns (I’m going to skip over the alliteration bit because I already said above that I liked the alliteration):

That’s a pretty natural fear, I think. And staring at one of the characters next to the other for too long is just going to make them seem to blend together to you- the best way to get through this is just flush them out as individuals if they play a big part in the story. What is this characters MO? Et cetera.

Same goes for your other character worry- flushing out the characters is a really good way to not only know who these characters are, how they talk and move as individuals, but also just give them their original quirks and differences that really make them yours.

So one thing you could do, just from looking at the two options for characers you’ve got set up right now, is have predetermined skillsets that aren’t “stats” so much as “skills you’ve gained overtime because of X-backstory”. For the criminal, if they were a part of the Guild of Magicians then one thing they could have is magic. The pirate may lack this but they also know how to use a gun, which the guild member doesn’t. And so on. Since we’re not going from the “very beginning” of the MCs life then it would make sense that over time they’d have developed a specific set of skills that pertain to their lifestyle.

Yeah, that’s about all I can think of right now?

I really enjoy what you have going on so far. Especially the feel of it all, very kind of sardonically whimsical, which I think fits considering (as you said above) it’s supposed to be a twist on the cliché RPG story-arch elements. I’m excited to see what you come up with next. Good luck!


Given that extra quick summary, one of the choices had better be “get ye flagon” in those exact words.


Haha, silly Cooper…

What are you doing out in the world…

Back to the parlour, you silly goose…

Finally I get to see the beginnings of a fresh young talent taking the stage in the prestigious world of obscure text-game design.

The comic tone is completely on point, the alliteration is aggressively articulate and ambitiously adventurous.

Your writing is clear, your world-building the right mix of fun and accessible, and your sense of humour distinctive yet not isolating.

In short, you should be very pleased with this. I look forward to more. A great deal more.

Off you go.


Well, hello to you too. :wink:

Well, you’re in luck-- they’ve got fishies in stock: :fish: , :tropical_fish: , :blowfish: (Ouch.)

They even have one with tentacles, :octopus: .

I like it. Light and hearty. Descriptions were absorbing, and those uh, teasing alliterations of yours :smile: .

1 Like

seems like its going to be a lot of fun :slight_smile: and after reading your comments somewhere eles i can’t wait to see what you can do :smiley: best of luck @OScott keep up the good work :slight_smile:

1 Like

I’d have to buy shovels, though - I’m not getting my hands dirty- and I don’t want to start my venture in the hole if I can help it…

Thanks! I’m glad to see that you like it… and also that it reads nicely. Or, at least, not choppy-like.

Also, what I’m getting from this is ‘always add alliteration.’ Aye aye, admiral.

That’s what I was sort of leaning towards, but then I get caught up in 'how much is too much? Do I base it all on class, or do I let the player pick some traits? Should I have weapon skill tiers? What if they want to be the world’s worst pirate? ’ and so on.

I never thought that anything I’d throw up would be described as whimsical, but I’m stupid happy that you said that,

And, thanks, again. I’ll do my best to reward that excitement.

Spoiler: there isn’t, but… given that I’m constantly about two steps from deleting everything and trying to start again from scratch, I think I’d be able to work in in somehow. It won’t be a load bearing flagon, I’m afraid.

…Senpai noticed me?

I… I don’t know about ‘fresh young talent…’ or any of the other adjective and noun combos you used… but I’m glad you liked it.

I probably should be, but I’m physically incapable of being pleased with anything I do.

It’s a personal problem, I know.

I’ll do my best to stand and deliver, then.

I never thought I’d say ‘I’ll take the tentacles’ in any context ever, but here I am saying ‘I’ll take the tentacles, thanks!’

Glad you liked it!

I’m also quite touched that the tawdry, teasing tones tickled so.

Thank you for the kind words~ I’m glad you liked it!

I’ll do my darnedest to make sure ‘what I can do’ measures up to any expectation you might have.


xD oh i hold no expectations :stuck_out_tongue: I’m happy to see to you writing so if I did have any kind of expectation you have already met and go beyond them xD and if it makes you feel a little better :slight_smile: since you put your story up your no longer alone (sort of), we’re here to help if you need any :slight_smile:

1 Like

I really can’t say enough how much I enjoyed this. It was incredibly short, sure, but the narration (alliteration included) had such a grand, perfectly balanced sense of humor. It’s all enjoyable, but for me the best moment was choosing to be from a crew where “Piratical Pedantry” was enforced, but I actively try to not speak it.

The idea of a world where otherwise raucous criminals having a very in-depth and well thought out employment contracts alone makes me invested in this world, and I can’t wait to see more of it.

1 Like


Well, you could always create an almost “flashback”-esque segment in which the player goes back to their childhood. You don’t need to do the whole “I was always a charming youth/I was always the smartest among my peers/I could always win a fight” style that usually signifies stats- but instead perhaps talk a bit about their upbringing and then have those be the little add-ons to the other skills. (For example someone raised in… say a mountain herding town would know a lot more about nature but lack the common education of someone raised in a bustling city. Both could still then be pirates or magicians, but it adds some customization while still curtailing the skill sets from getting out of control? Maybe?)

You could always eat expired fairy meat.

(Would that be a form of cannibalism? Since they’re humanoid? Maybe unicorns would be a better choice…)

Hey, I mean, what you have already written is awesome! So I look forward to seeing what you come up with next!


Hmm… Hmm

Right on! I got some ideas bubbling up now - thank you very much for that, btw. I’m going to poke at them, see what pops and what doesn’t.

Better choice for one’s peace of mind, maybe, but I’m not overly worried about a fairy goring me with their forehead. I can swallow the ethical dilemma in this case.

All y’all are being far too kind.



Self deprecation and alliteration. We should be friends haha.

I really enjoyed the demo. Although Brena is the only character so far, she seemed very alive. I have a soft spot for cheeky characters, so I liked talking to her. I’m excited to meet any other characters you have planned out.

I don’t mind not having traditional stats, or anything like that. It seems like a bit of work, but it could be fun to write!

I look forward to the rest :sunglasses:


Ermm… ahem, I think I need to go find a church.

Well, well, I can certainly say you know how to use 'em.

*coughs* I think uh, my coughing, is…ah, getting worse. So if’mm… you’ll excuse me I’m going to look for a priest at the hospital.

1 Like

ooh I like this already~ Its got a fantastical touch to it, and is humorous. (The name “Ratman” has got me really curious, what if he’s a literal man rat?!)


Oh, hey, I have a question that was probably stated before and I just missed it:

What is the name of this fantasy world?

1 Like

i was thinking the same thing lol


Your projects name is very close to that of a project by a fellow named Charlie Day though ( the Nightman cometh) i dont know if this is a subtle wink to its always sunny.

1 Like