The Noir Curse (WIP) (Some feedback?)

young-adult-fiction
gender-choice
high-fantasy

#141

@juniper can Rhys make me daltonic too?

Summary

:fox_face:


#142

LMAOOO everyone doing a revolution and even the gods are helping :joy:

and yes

HA with pleasure


#143

I just found this WIP and I like it so much! Rhysand and Cas are very intriguing! And I really like Razyel too (aah elves, a passion of mine), but I think I’ll choose Rhys first, because dark characters always make me swoon
I’m really curious to discover more! :eyes:


#144

I hope you don’t mind if I drop on by and add on to those memes…:eyes:

Summary


#145

Even the author succumbed to Marsci’s charm.


#146

Don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here in a corner fawning over the obvious best girl, Ivory.

My shitty taste in ROs did draw me towards Marsciella in the beginning, but that little episode during the dinner made me backpedal. I’m pretty sure she’s got some kind of tragic backstory (I refuse to believe she’s a prick just for the heck of it), and I hope we’ll be able to get through to her and help her resolve whatever issues she might have because I do feel bad for her.

Also, few quick questions:
  1. How much do the stats matter? I noticed that Charm increases by 10% if I choose to be excited by the prospect of wooing a God, but there is no other significant increases after that (except if we choose the option to be ‘dazed by Ivory’s beauty’ after we save her, which only increases that stat by 2%). How much shall it affect the MC later on during stat-checks and such?

  2. Can Skyfellians fly? If yes, why was Ivory journeying by feet all the way through the woods to the palace instead of just flying there?

  3. Is the Kingdom of Evander like a nation, consisting of ‘lands’ like Galandril and Skyfell? If so, what is the name of our land?

Grammatical errors:

You slammed the book close and stood up, the lights in the room litting up to their fullest.

lighting

Crocuhing down to his height you…

Crouching

In the end, you sighed and shruged, “I don’t know. But I hope we do someday.”

shrugged

You weren’t sure to who of your parents it belonged to, but the pendant seems to give you some sort of confidence whenever it’s with you.

Should be ‘You weren’t sure as to which of your parents it belonged to…

Some just can’t bare living in total darkness, with only the moon and stars to shed some mesley light on the land.

bear, measly

This abominable eternal darkness will one day to an end!

Should be ‘This abominable eternal darkness will one day come to an end!’

He shall return and clad the skies with the brightest of blues again!

Clad is past participle. It should be ‘He shall return and clothe the skies with the brightest of blues again!’

The sight sents shivers down your spine.

sends

Whatever obstacle comes your way, you will over come it.

overcome (no space)

“Would you mind toning it down, some of use like the peace and quiet.”

us.


#147

Ugh, emotionally unstable characters, my only weakness eughhh sweet baby boy rhys let me love u

God these are beautiful. I’m sorry but I’m gonna have to steal them and put them up at the Louvre because this is absolute ART.

:clap: MEME TIME M’BOIS :clap:

Summary


#148

I mean, I did told her to shut up before she tried to kill? me. So i guess she kind had a point for trying to kill me?

Also i dont actually mind if she is just some self-righteous kamidere bitch, it just makes the prospect of romancing her all the more challenging and therefore more enticing.:upside_down_face:

:fox_face:


#149

I mean, if I tell someone to shut up (and I was even polite with her), and they try to kill me in retaliation, my instinct would be to run far, far away from that person.

I’m not a big anime buff so I had to look up what Kamidere means (:sweat_smile:) but yeah, I might be interested in romancing her later on depending on how much development her character gets. As of right now, it’s up in the air for me.


#150

@Yennefer98 Ayy thank you so much fam! Hope you enjot the rest of the novel :smile:

@RK800 i love you so much, you have made my day :sob: (saves pictures)

@soprano Ivory is def best girl :relieved:

Originally I hadn’t planned on giving her much of a deep story but if she ends up being an RO I have something in mind for her bg :slight_smile:

For now, the stats are sort of a mess because if I keep reposting the chapter’s everytime i fix the mistakes and grammar errors or just editing, whatever stats you had saved would just get erased or if you jumped to another chapter then you wouldnt have the accumulation of the past stats etc.

BASICALLY since this is a wip at the moment I’m not giving the stats too much importance, like i have a main idea where i want each one to be obtained, but for now, they’re a bit of a mess :sweat_smile:

  1. Yes they can fly, but (i didnt mention this in the story maybe I should) theres protective spells and dark magic sorrounding the Night Palace and the woods around it that would prevent Ivory from flying directly into the castle ( the spell is there for protective reasons so no one can just y’know show up to their dooor xD etc). So its most likely she flied all the way up until the woods and then went on foot from there on. (trivia, she’s really clumsy on the ground xD)

  2. I said kingdom of Evander, but now that I think about it, it would be more of a continent, or even the name of the realm really. So I guess there’s different kingdoms around the land like Galandril and Skyfell, and ACTUALLY I haven’t thought of a name for the kingdom they’re currently in. I suppose it could be something like, people call this region the Night God’s domain since its the palace in the center, the woods that surround it and honestlt MCs town is the only one in miles. So it would be a nameless region? Hmm I guess I’ll have to think about that! Maybe it had a name before the curse or it was part of another kingdom and got cut off because it was too close to the palace.

OOf you gave me a lot to think about!

As for the grammatical errors, thank you for pointing them out! That really helps, I’ll get down to fixing them when I finish this chapter.

@Fay thank you for your contribution of memes :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes::clap:


#151

Marsci has joined the chat

I guess the night gods don’t get any trick or treaters. Lucky them, not having to share their candy.

Oof my mc is def gonna challenge her to stupid contests that either involves walking long distances or running.

Name generators has joined the chat

Why is no one talking about their MCs tho.

We have the memes, but where are your MCs folks??

Discuiss??


#152

@Fay i need to tell you that you are my fav :heart: please always post about EVERYTHING!


#153

No… :pensive: They preffer to be the trick or treaters! (well rhys prefers to, Cas would stay at home but Rhys makes them come :joy: )

yess please do! Im actually curious about the choices you guys will make in the new chapter :eyes:


#154

image

Oh my gosh, thank youuu :sob:

Ok seriously now you need to tell us what Rhys and Cas dressed up as :eyes:

And does the kingdom of Evander have its own holidays?

I stayed up until 2 AM making a moodboard for my mc Irene. It was so painful but it was worth it the aesthetics are b e a u t i f u l


Edit:

I re-played chapter 1 and found some mistakes:

Y’all mind if I drop some screenshots?

Twins’

On the wall

Before

Shrugged

I’m unsure about this one, but I think it sounds better with drunkards and beggars?

Bear

Measly

On

I might edit the post and add more to the list.


#155

seconded

what about them, exactly ?

One after my own heart

Sasha is probably going to pay Marsci back for trying to kill him ? He doenst bear a grudge against her, he was pretty pissed but that was just a moment thing, you see.
Its not a matter of revenge, he just want to return the favor. grin:upside_down_face:

Actually i may like her a bit so i hope she is not a bad sport :confused:

:fox_face:

PS:If we are talking about MC’s thoughts about things

regarding the “invitation” i guess my mc is pretty pissed at being forced into something hewouldd rather not be involved. But he likes Ivory so he is willing to put up for the time being.

He had to walk all the way, _

" Not that i dont like walking, i do. But if you’re going to summon someone to your place, you could at least arrange some transportation. I even had to fight along the way…"_He ends with a sigh.

MC complaining to someone.

Should have brought some chocolate…

Maybe the have some there.

I’d like some booze too, something Strong…

Can i have the bedroom on the tower? do they even have a tower with a bedroom, i wonder.

I am straight… “So what the hell am i even doing here?”

MC on the way to the castle


#156

Anything, really.

From physical appearance to personality traits!

Same here tbh. My mc is so spiteful. She’s quite friendly until you provoke her. Her grudges never die :eyes:

I hope we get more choices to flesh out our MC’s personality. I absolutely adore character customization. I’m curious to see if @juniper has any intention to let us pick our MC’s physical appearence.


#157

That makes two of us, i just cant immerse unless i get to create my char.

A kindred spirit ?

While Sasha is loyal like a dog to his friends :dog: (only Ivory at the moment), he is less than friendly and most of the time all out hostile to strangers( imean, what if they try to mug me? :frowning:)
he dont usually hold grudges, he dislikes yep, but grudges are"too much effort" he would say :expressionless: . That said he is not uncapable of holding grudges. :smirk:

It just means that whoever he bears a grudge against messed up pretty bad and just does not deserve to live.
and is probably going to die a slow and painful death the next time they see each other, but these are just details.
:blush:

enough about him though.

What are your mc’s thoughts about the sun? Mine has no problems with eternal night, at all.:upside_down_face:

:fox_face:

I second.


#158

Character customization adds extra flare to the game. I don’t know why, but getting to decide trivial things like eye color and hair color brings so much satisfaction to my soul.

Irene tolerates eternal night. She’s still salty by the fact that she can’t get a tan tho.

Irene is pretty friendly. She’s very charming because I love the charm stat sksksk gonna max it out :eyes:

Anyway, she has a silver tongue and uses her words to get what she wants or to solve problems. She’s a major bookworm too. It’s very easy to annoy or provoke her. She believes in the “treat people the way you want them to treat you”-idealogy. That explains why she’s friendly and charming to other people, because she wants to be treated like that. However, if you’re gonna be rude to her she’s gonna remember it and treat you the same way you treated her. This is why first impressions are so important for her, s u p e r important.

And of course, that means grudges are gonna be held. She even has a book where she writes down the names of all the people she wants to punch in the face. Oh, and she loves flowers and plants. She lives for them and she treats them like her children.

Have you decided on Sasha’s physical appearance? I’d love to hear more about your MC.


#159

Okay I’d have to think about that :joy:

Yes they do, they’re similar to ours but each kingdom has their own holidays too!

Thank you! I’ll make sure to fix them when I can :slight_smile:


#160

I preffer to leave that the player’s imagination xD Maybe for future novels their appearances and races might be important but for this game I preffer the player to use their imagination xD

I WILL try to flesh out personality chocies more though :slight_smile: