The Noir Curse (WIP) (Some feedback?)

I’m glad you added name options because I can never figure out what to call my character. I think I like Zennith the magician the best. :woman_mage:

I used the chapter two option to talk to the other characters. I tried the friendly and flirty options, and it feels like the conversation with Ava is shorter and a bit lacking compared to the other two.

I also tried not speaking to any of them, and looking at the stats page, it doesn’t seem I get anything from it while speaking to the others can cause relationship and friendliness increases. Maybe give a small increase in strength or magic or something, since you are simply relaxing after that trip through the woods?

In fact, it appears there’s a stat increase when I simply approach each character. You might want to change that, because I was able to approach Razyel (which made his bar go to 10%), then say I wanted to approach someone else and went to Ava (which made her bar go to 10%), then say I wanted to approach else and went back to Razyel (which made his bar go to 18%), and then said I’ll just meet them all later. So I didn’t actually meet them, but still got a relationship increase.

Also, if you do choose to meet them later after first approaching someone, it seems there’s a paragraph or two cut off. It starts with “You can’t help but glance towards the source of the clapping.” when normally, if you decide to meet them later without approaching anyone, it starts with, “For now, you see no need to meet them all.”

I think option 2 for the intro is great. It’s interactive and fun, and both gives the player information while letting them start to form who they want the player character to be.

Hmm i have to figure out the stats tbh. For now they’re mostly experimental so they’re not my priority until the chapter is set.

Oh I’ll have to check that out, thank you for pointing it out!

1 Like

The demo looks amazing!:+1:t3: Keep up the good work!:+1:t3:

1 Like

I like the story so far, it has those classical Dungeons and Dragons mood which thrive on fantasy theme with its colourful characters :slight_smile:

Your description as well as interaction of the non player characters are truly marvelous, the conversation with them are lively and intriguing … with the sense of meeting them as the will of destiny…

Well… i must say i like both Ivory and Ava thus far, both features had been carefully described and their conversation are unique… i will pursue one of them as love interest :-):relaxed:

And the princess is definitely a candidate for those who like rival-mance :-):grin:

1 Like

First of all: I’m loving your story! The characters presented so far seem nice and the background is really interesting. My vote definitely goes to option two. It sounds more interactive, even if the choices don’t end up changing anything.

Still, I have to partially agree with @erconn; both gods being men is… kinda weird. The gods have chosen “10 young men and women” to win the twins’ heart, but they didn’t think that it’s unfair if any of the chosen isn’t attracted to men? I mean, if any of the 10 isn’t into men, they’re basically dead weight, because they won’t try to win the twins’ heart but are still occupying one slot. With one twin being a man and the other a woman, it would make more sense and would give certain players more options. Of course, it’s just my opinion.

Also, maybe you could use summaries in the main post when speaking about the ROs. Some people might prefer to be surprised and I think it could look more organized.

6 Likes

I see where @Perom is coming from. More female ROs will appeal to a wider audience for sure. Having said that, do what’s right for your story.

Have you considered making the ROs gender flippable? Both the Wayhaven Chronicles and The Shadow Society do that (as well as a ton of others like Lost Heir for example). Another by Lucid lets you pick the gender of each character individually. It can be done really well, so it might be something to consider if you want to appeal to a larger audience but don’t want to commit to F!Gods.

6 Likes

Concerning the gender of the Gods, I would have to think about it. Originally the story I had in mind needed both Gods to be males, so I’ll have to see how I would change the story to fit a female gods :thinking:

7 Likes

Do whatever’s best for your story first and foremost :slight_smile:

7 Likes

Oh? :eyes:

Oh???

Seems like I already found a favorite

Also I found a minor spelling mistake:

Your*

2 Likes

:eyes: rhysand is :sweat_drops::sweat_drops::sweat_drops::sweat_drops:

Also, thank you for pointing out that mistake!

right…

some feedbacks…

Summary

hum…here an issue actually :stuck_out_tongue:

So…picked the ‘Dont wanna go!! let me sleep some moar! Urgh hero are always broke , who want that headech!!’’ …route . And I don’t think you wrote much to it right ?

cose I get the ‘Beaming smile you are not gonna get lost ‘’ when I wanna go home! Screw this quest! . I also get the ‘wanna save tha Gods’’…when I don’t wanna lol . and well small things like that .

here hoping you gonna write that route :slight_smile:

Other then that…

fenriiiiiiiis is that youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ? :stuck_out_tongue:

and wait…I only get 1 romance !!! JUST ONE ??? Booo!! want MOAR!

give me a succubus like fall-from-grace :hugs:

other then all that whining…now hidden lol I’m interested and gonna be looking forward to MOAR! (cose more is overrated…MOAR is MOAAR) …lol Good luck with your story! :wink:

Hmmm I dont think I quite get what you mean, could you maybe explain a little bit more?

oooo i dont know who this Fenris is but now im interested :eyes:

You have six different ROs to choose from but yes its only one route at a time :joy:

And thanks for taking your time to read the demo and give me some feedback:smile:

1 Like

sure sure…

I can do that :stuck_out_tongue:

its from the 1st choice you ever pick :

[spoiler]So it was quite a surprise for you, when one of the lords came to your door, claiming you had been chosen for this quest.

4-Why do I have to join this quest? I have no wish of meddling into such bothersome business.[/spoiler]

This route .

link: http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Fenris

no…I was half way right . I misread…I only get 2 romance :disappointed_relieved:

and I don’t mean , only one romance at a time lol I mean as a female lesbian…I only get 2 females to romance…:kissing_smiling_eyes: there goes my smoochies quota…:smirk:

2 Likes

To make it clear… i think your style of writing is the classical Dungeons and Dragons Quest story where Protagonists be given a clear sense of destiny and objective to start the adventure, which i think has its own advantage and alluring , because it actually minus the complexity of “thinking” too much of why or when the MC start doing something … there is a trend for story these days where certain readers prefer to make up their own background or objective about starting an actual adventure… with good and detail writing , such complexity manage to provide readers with a “deeper” sense of longings towards the story .

However , your style of classical writing perhaps will attract newer readers or those who don’t want a too “serious” type of story telling… what i meant was, i am the protagonist of the story so that’s my duty and responsibility , i just start my journey without pondering too much about why and If i want to do it :slight_smile:

This is the reason why i felt your story is “light-hearted” and kind of “rekindling” the classic Dungeons and Dragons feeling … Since this is your first story , i think it will suit you well … you don’t have to think too much or “De-rail” your style of writing to appease anyone(everyone will have their own preference in the end) , simply because the joy of writing is within yourself and if possible share with those who also enjoy your “originality” :slight_smile:

I think you had already start off with a wonderful story, just carry on your good work :wink:

2 Likes

Excellent story so far. I did have a question though, there are 6RO’s and only two of them are female? Obviously it’s up to you, but it does seem a little unbalanced.

1 Like

There was a WIP once with I think 5 female ROs and only 2 male ones, and people defended that decision so I feel the desire to defend this one. And with no ulterior motives because I’m totally not reveling in having so many choices for my gay little heart wink

Okay, jokes aside, I’m serious. The WIP existed and that’s just how the author wanted to write it and it deserves as much respect as games with even gender ratios. If you find you want to keep the gender ratio as it is, it’s your decision as the author and people should respect it. If someone who only wants to romance female characters doesn’t want to play a game with only two, then they just don’t and this one isn’t for them. Can’t be helped.

I mean, obviously listening to feedback is good but ultimately you know what works for you and for the story. If you think you can and want to make changes to increase the appeal, then cool. But don’t feel pressured to appeal to everyone and change the gender of a character you don’t want to, or even add another character just to pacify people. (Especially that last one, and this is coming from someone writing 8 ROs. A lot of ROs is tough heh)

On the subject of the story, I’m still working on reading the rest of the demo as I’m a lazy reader rn but I’m very intrigued by the premise and setting, and I can’t wait to romance a God lol

12 Likes

I just noticed the list of love interests at the top.

I knew there was something suspicious about Destan! :laughing:

Honestly, all the characters seem interesting so far. @Eric_knight is right that your writing has a classical feel, although I think it’s more complex than just a simple chosen one story. After all, while one protagonist may be feeling duty and responsibility, another protagonist may act more like they’re in Game of Thrones, using this chance to kill the Night Gods or being forced to go by their lord, and you’ve dropped enough hints to suggest that there’s more going on than we think.

I’m not sure who I want to romance first, although it’s definitely going to be one of the gods.

2 Likes

Do you mean that I didn’t write too much into that route?

Ohhh, yeah, sorry about that.

Ohhh I get what you mean, priginally I didn’t even know if I was going to use this plot but since its my first interactive novel, then I wanted to use something easy that I could root out with this type of format.

Thank you so much for taking your time to give me some feedback! :smile:

1 Like

Rhys being a gothic bitch won’t stop me from smothering him in love and I swear to God that I will break him down until he loves me back.

image

2 Likes