The Night Hunters: First Blood [Updated 10/1/21]

The amount of times I want to bang my head against the wall when I was flirting with Alice only for nothing to happen is uncountable. And when I thought that the romance is gonna start since I’ve been given a choice, it just had to be THE END of the chapter…

Why am I so weak to romance?

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I like your writing, I feel submerged within the world of the story. Thank you, this is truely amazing!

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I think it was a trust level thing. Here is the shot I was talking about.

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Ok, now that that’s been sorted, I have quite a bit of feedback for the bits leading up to our enlistment. The first doesn’t require a screenshot to my knowledge. Basically, when you have to say how you feel about Kruger’s death, I think saying your glad he’s dead drops your compassion too much. I don’t think it’s too far fetched for someone to be super compassionate and still be glad that a massive bully who sexually harrassed your best friend and regularly did harm to you is dead. I don’t think such a massive drop is called for.

Now for the pictures.

Screenshot 2021-02-17 235221

This is hilarious. That alone, has made me decide that I will be romancing Alice. The only issue here is that you don’t need to end the quote with a period if the sentence continues on afterwards; ‘shouts Alice with a whoop of joy’ would be a part of the same sentence, at least where I’m from.

Kruger talks like an evil wizard in a high school stage play, I love it!

Screenshot 2021-02-18 011229

What is iron-steel? Isn’t all steel an iron alloy?

I’m unclear about exactly how big this blade is. Switchblades are typically only as big as one’s palm when closed and their blades make them about twice as long. Are we talking about some miniature sword here? A collapsible one? Maybe it’ll be clear later.

I immediately thought of Marlowe and Hitch from AoT.

Wrong pronouns for Percy. You use “he” once. You also used a comma instead of a period right before then.

That’s all I have for now. I’m loving this game so far, I’ll be sure to reply with more soon.

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I LOOOOVVVEEE it when I get detailed reviews like yours.:grin:

A lot of people have been saying that, so I will be adding this in the next update

I’ll be checking up on this…[quote=“comradelenin, post:431, topic:91043”]
What is iron-steel? Isn’t all steel an iron alloy?
[/quote]

It is a homemade alloy that the Engineers came up with. More details will be coming up for this topic, if your engineering skill is high or if you pick Iryn/Iris as your RO.

It’s like a collapsible sword, think AOT blade size.

[quote=“comradelenin, post:431, topic:91043”] I
immediately thought of Marlowe and Hitch from AoT.
[/quote]

Nah…Hitch is way too chill and lazy for this…:thinking:

Thanks for this one, I will check it up…[quote=“comradelenin, post:431, topic:91043”]
Kruger talks like an evil wizard in a high school stage play, I love it
[/quote]

Yeah…dude has a serious lamevillain dysfunction.:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

Thanks for the feedback. Let me know if anything else catches your eye.

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Lol villain complex :joy_cat::smile_cat::smirk_cat:

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How old is the MC at the end of chapter 7?

Ok, I have some more feedback.

First off, there are a few typos.


I could be wrong on this but I usually put question marks and other punctuation in the quotes if it’s anything other than a period so you know how it’s being spoken. That’s probably wrong, but it may not be. I’ve never been sure.


A question mark should go here if I’m reading this right.

What
I’m not quite sure what this says. I think the phrasing may need adjustment.


“Her” should be “hers” or “her horse” at the end there.

typo 2
Should be “There’s a crack”.

There’s also a bit I forgot to screenshot where you’re character mentions the crack in the walls. I think it said “The engineers out here.” I think it was supposed to say “We need engineers out here” or something like that. I could be wrong though.

That’s it for grammar. There were a few other bits I wanted to mention.

Mango Icing
I need to know how to get this mango icing as soon as possible. That sounds delicious.

ask about symbol
I actually kind of want to know what this symbol looks like now.

what kind of government
I’m kind of curious what kind of government this country has. There’s a Monarch but are there also elected officials?


I’ll admit, it took me a while to figure out who they were talking about.


This made me picture a very ornate drinking fountain at first (we call them water fountains too in the U.S.).


Ok, so the climate is screwed if we can’t fix that sun problem. Gonna need to find a way to revive extinct species too.

One last bit.


I think “Imperial City” makes more sense, rather than “Empire City”.

Ok, because I’m a snarky bastard, I have a few good natured jokes I came up with as well.


We do however, judge you’re fashion sense.

Direction
Do not underestimate my poor sense of direction, friend.


A vacation in a foreign land, Uncle Sam does the best he can.
You’re in the army now.
Wooooaaaaaoooohhhh, you’re in the army now!


I have also rehearsed the ceremonial T-pose over Kruger’s grave.


He’s actually 26.


Something tells me that won’t hold up in court.


Lord Vader will be most pleased.


They also seem to think I’ll die soon. They always panic when I mention my family back home, or show them the photo I keep of them. They also don’t like it when I mention I’m two days away from retirement.


“Nia, I’m starting to think you’re ON crack.”

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I love it… freaking hilarious :joy::joy::rofl::rofl:

This one is my favorite.:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes::stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

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Update:

First off, I noticed something.


Was this intentional?

I’m not entirely sure what’s going on in these last few sentences. Where did that crash come from?

typo 3

I think it’s “an ample amount of”. This is during the fair, btw.

This is soon after. Why exactly does she suspect we’ll try to kill our father?

I know this is meant to be like, over a few weeks or something, but I immediately got the mental image of him chugging wine straight from the barrel, surrounded by 24 empty casks laying on the floor like discarded beer cans.


If I’m reading this right, it should be “The other reason fire signals didn’t work”.

I think we’ll need a reference for this. I can’t remember all of this.

Blood for the Blood God! Skulls for the Skull Throne!

Sorry, couldn’t help it. Funnily enough, “Night Hunter” reminds me of “the Night Haunter”, which is the title of Konrad Curze, who is the founder of the Night Lords Chaos Space Marines legion in Warhammer 40K. He’s basically an evil Bat Man. I bring it up because he’s my favorite character but also because he also got visions from the future of bad stuff that was going to happen. Sorry for the nerd moment but I’ve been dying to bring that up.

I have to wonder if it would make more sense to have one switch deploy all of the spikes. If I’m reading it right, the spikes deploy after you stab, so pressing 3 switches would be time consuming, you’d risk the spear falling out or getting attacked from behind.

Ymir

I don’t remember a Ymir being mentioned before, unless I missed something.

This is brilliant. A lot of people don’t know that Humpty Dumpty is the name of a cannon that fell off a wall.

Should be “would have been crushed.”

punctuation

Question mark here.

I believe it should be 8 days.

the CAPS LOCK

Because the caps lock key was broken when they wrote the name.

Should be “stable hand in charge”.

I recommend something stronger in place of “goodness”. Maybe “for God’s sake” or the local equivalent. “For goodness sake” makes her sound more restrained and proper than the rest of her dialogue.

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Probably came from the dog, if you were outside w/ Alice??- can’t remember what scene that’s from tho…

I don’t think you need to remember everything- just have to find the one you have to use. kinda like a puzzle, but not really. (my wording sucks) :sweat_smile:

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It’s just a single scene, all ya have to do is find a simple pattern that was mentioned a couple sentences before…:roll_eyes::smirk_cat::smile_cat:

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thx- my brain isn’t making proper sentences today :sweat_smile: :expressionless:

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It literally says “the pattern you have to use is”

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Lol some people are so brilliant that they over complicate simple things… (Lol from experience :smirk_cat::smile_cat::stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:)

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I assumed that the signals would be important later.

Just screenshot it for later, that’s what I did

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Well, I did, but an in game reference is best for these things because it’s better to have in game resources than to have to rely on others.

I’m pretty sure this will be a one time thing or a background detail which won’t matter much…