Wow that was more aggressively received than I thought haha Don’t worry, it doesn’t even weight my mind as to need comforting or something. (…to be honest I didn’t even remember I left a comment here)
I am sorry if I offended you. I actually liked the concept and think it was interesting. That’s why I bothered to write a really long comment here. I think it has potential and it’d be a shame to not brush up the writing.
I wasn’t trying to be mean, I was just pointing out things that stood out to me. As I said, the WAY they were talking felt unnatural and at some parts. I didn’t say anything about the lore or worldbuilding. I just think that the dialogues could use some revisions.
The fact that they lived a sheltered life is more the reason they SHOULD have a reaction for that. The fact that their horror after seeing someone bleeding out just isn’t there and they could go straight to flirting with their RO seems ridiculous to me.
I DID read the whole chapter and even a few pages after that. My point still stands.
Isn’t the whole point of you asking for advices is to keep an open mind and consider the comments? I know my wording seems harsh because I don’t know how else to word it but I can promise that it is sincere.
I wouldn’t mind revisiting this WIP after a bit of rework but it seems like that wouldn’t happen anytime soon. Good luck with your writing!
Wait is the Air Marshal actually our father? I was under the impression they were our uncle or at least related to our actual father. Also, for curiosity’s sake, how old is he?
I’ve been following this for a while and I love it! Really interested in what happens next, but I’m a bit confused with the court scene ruling. We are found innocent of the attempted murder/murder charge but guilty of having a grade 3 military weapon in our possession. I’m assuming it’s the knife Cruger stabbed himself with but due to our testimonials that we gave and the witnesses accounts(unless those were thrown out as corrupted evidence) it should be clear the knife isn’t ours. As well as the knife wasn’t in our possession it was still in Cruger when we took him to the doctor to keep him from bleeding out and not on either the mc or A
Yeah he is but his age wasn’t given. And there is a character that is also our uncle that is related to the mother. He’s one of the guys that we met at the party and we also bump into him at the end of the current demo.
That Allen the man who’s been divorced 12 times in his life I feel sorry for him he has the worst luck but the breaker manga main character with his relationships
Aren’t there choices to flirt or not or that bully dying bothering MC or making them feel happy or nothing?!?
Lol you keep on saying that it all feels UNNATURAL to you, all the reactions, but everything itself isn’t ‘‘natural’’ and it’s not even the normal world.@Varyn_Ashyver_closed created the world and it’s inhabitants in a way that it all matches the conditions where nightmarish creatures capable of destroying everything.How can you except a specific reactions, it’s like asking ‘why an alien isn’t reacting like a human?’.
Btw @boobear_o this is just my honest reaction to what you’re saying, not being mean to you.
I mean, I can kinda see where they’re coming from? In terms of the whole trauma thing, I thought it was going to be maybe a bit more last-longing, but on the other hand, I’m just a sucker for angst so that’s probably why.
(They’re probably also talking about the whole flirting after a death, which, yeah I guess is kinda weird, but people do handle trauma in different ways.)
I love the game (I replayed it over five times already), and there is some flaws, but not everyone finds the same things, I guess, fitting? We do all have our views/taste on how things should’ve went and all.
Hey…I don’t mind. Its cool, that you actually wrote me something. Trust me, 90% of the improvements and content change that I make comes from here. Besides you weren’t mean, yeah the wording was a little harsh but everybody needs a push in the right direction from time to time.
Righter gave the answer to the point. Cruger’s dad had the knife submitted as evidence. If you read the opening statement of the prosecutor, she mentions that Al gave the switchblade to the MC. The possession of any military equipment in the hands of a civilian is illegal and a crime.
Depending on your view, now, this might be tiny. However, will there ever be a point in the game or you can go set affairs in order about that class three weapons charge? I mean it doesn’t matter as much now, but you know. Catharsis and all.
Also, I guess if you’re the petty type, you could do it just to screw with knife stabby guys dad more.
Hi everybody, I just finished uploading Chapter 7 along with a few minor edits to all the previous chapters. Mostly code. As usual I would welcome any advice and thoughts as well as corrections.
However, there is one more thing I need to get off my chest. My exams are coming up and I need to pay more attention to my studies, so for now, updates will be put off. But when my exams are done with, I will continue the story and finish it.
