The M.A.G.I. [WIP]

I’m working on my first (serious) game currently and was just interested in H.O.G. reader’s general opinion and interest in it.

Basic Summary:

The M.A.G.I., also known as the Magickal Association for Gifted Individuals is a group of highly trained individuals from all across the globe who find and protect other gifted individuals. You are one of those gifted individuals who, after being attacked by an unknown evil, are saved by one of the teams, and after learning of the “Magickal World” and the fact that you are also one of those “gifted individuals”, you decide to join them.

However, you soon find out that that evil being that attacked you isn’t just going to let you go so easily, and, as you begin to unravel the mysterious secrets that surround your birth, you realize that maybe it was better that you were kept in the dark.

What It Currently Has:
Personality Choices
Appearance Choices
First Name and Last Name Choices
Clothing Choices

What I Plan To Add:
Gender Choice
RO routes
Magick Specialization Choice
Codex
Multiple endings

The Romance Options:

Nikolas/Nikol “Nikki” Anker
Gender: player chosen
Appearance: Styled blonde hair, icy blue eyes, pale skin, slight Norwegian accent.
Summary: Nikki is the leader of the M.A.G.I. team that saved you. Specializing in Enchantment Magic, Nikki is charming, seductive, and always seems to know just what to say to get control of a situation. But, as you get to know them, you realize that there’s something far more deadly underneath that charming exterior…

Alfred/Afreda “Alfie” O’ Hannigan
Gender: Player Chosen
Appearance: Messy, curly red hair, emerald green eyes, freckled skin, heavy Irish accent.
Summary: Alfie is the definition of an impish fae. Specializing in Elemental Magic, Alfie loves to play pranks on the team by tripping them up with tree roots or vines. Although Alfie may seem like a ball of endless energy, you soon realize that Alfie’s behavior may be the result of something far more traumatic…

Chetan “Hawk” Kwatoko
Gender: Player chosen
Appearance: Long, braided black hair, piercing golden eyes, tawny-colored skin, no distinguishable accent.
Summary: Hawk is a large and intimidating presence in the team. Specializing in Transmutation magic, Hawk is more comfortable in animal form than human. Although Hawk may seem like the type to attack you for just looking in their general direction, Hawk is actually a “gentle giant”. However, as you learn more about them, you realize that Hawk may have a deeper reason behind this…

Nephtali/Nephtalie “Neph” Cadeau
Gender: Player chosen
Appearance: Long, black dreads, unnerving violet eyes, rich dark brown skin, Haitian Accent
Summary: Neph is an enigma. Specializing in Dark Magic, Neph is adept at raising the dead, Cursing and uncursing people, and more often than not, scaring the daylights out of you. Neph’s aloof and mysterious personality often makes it hard to tell what they’re really thinking or to form any type of proper relationship with them. And, as you eventually start to learn more about them, you realize that Neph has a good reason for this…

Currently, I only have the prologue written out (which still needs a lot of work in itself) and I don’t have any set time for when the other chapters will come out as I work quite a lot and this story is just a side project of mine. I am hoping to make this at least twelve chapters though.

To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/go/7948

All advice, comments, and/or criticism is welcome!

137 Likes

This is interesting,but can you add gray or custom color choices for eyes and hair? And a few more hairstyles and body type.

4 Likes

Oi @ChibiChick found more than a few typos

typo


stares down at you

typo


suppose you could

this one's repeated quite a few times, like your and you're


Your eyes snap open.

your not our


Falling to your knees, you bowed your head

mixed up with your and you're


thinking you’re safe or thinking you are safe

where not were


where

you're not your


I’m sure you’re or you are

typo


has on each hand
that’s dangling

Where not were


Where am I?”

again you're not your


doors you’re or you are passing by

Oi got this…



He he?!?

**Her** not Hers


Her (EVERYWHERE it’s written as Hers instead of Her)

Encountered these too…


6 Likes

Ya, there’s a lot of errors with clicking the female gender options for the characters

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There’s only one female accessible from the flippable characters, the rest are broken…

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Looks like it might be good. Will watch for now.

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This looks like an amazing w.i.p, I look forward to see how it continues. :slight_smile:

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I’m sure this wasn’t your intention, but the physical characteristics are a bit stereotypical - red freckles for Irish and blonde Norwegians? Also, dredlocks aren’t really a Haitian thing - wicks or globs are more popular. Dredlocks (in the Americas anyway) are more of a Jamaican thing. Lastly, it feels a bit icky to say Haitians are voodoo priests in this day and age.

Maybe just mix it up a bit more or else let the player decide?

7 Likes

The story seems nice and interesting :blush:. Just tackled some errors which others have already mentioned in the chat.Bookmarked.!.Waiting for next update.!.:heart:

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In regarding the game- I like how you made all the ROs gender-flippable. There are a few spelling errors throughout the demo though.

In regarding your post, it’s quite…long; it’d be better if you could “hide details”. It makes for a more organized post.

What It Currently Has:

Personality Choices
Appearance Choices
First Name and Last Name Choices
Clothing Choices

What I Plan To Add

Gender Choice
RO routes
Magick Specialization Choice
Codex
Multiple endings

The Romance Options:

Nikolas/Nikol “Nikki” Anker

Gender: player chosen
Appearance: Styled blonde hair, icy blue eyes, pale skin, slight Norwegian accent.
Summary: Nikki is the leader of the M.A.G.I. team that saved you. Specializing in Enchantment Magic, Nikki is charming, seductive, and always seems to know just what to say to get control of a situation. But, as you get to know them, you realize that there’s something far more deadly underneath that charming exterior…

Alfred/Afreda “Alfie” O’ Hannigan

Gender: Player Chosen
Appearance: Messy, curly red hair, emerald green eyes, freckled skin, heavy Irish accent.
Summary: Alfie is the definition of an impish fae. Specializing in Elemental Magic, Alfie loves to play pranks on the team by tripping them up with tree roots or vines. Although Alfie may seem like a ball of endless energy, you soon realize that Alfie’s behavior may be the result of something far more traumatic…

Chetan “Hawk” Kwatoko

Gender: Player chosen
Appearance: Long, braided black hair, piercing golden eyes, tawny-colored skin, no distinguishable accent.
Summary: Hawk is a large and intimidating presence in the team. Specializing in Transmutation magic, Hawk is more comfortable in animal form than human. Although Hawk may seem like the type to attack you for just looking in their general direction, Hawk is actually a “gentle giant”. However, as you learn more about them, you realize that Hawk may have a deeper reason behind this…

Nephtali/Nephtalie “Neph” Cadeau

Gender: Player chosen
Appearance: Long, black dreads, unnerving violet eyes, rich dark brown skin, Haitian Accent
Summary: Neph is an enigma. Specializing in Dark Magic, Neph is adept at raising the dead, Cursing and uncursing people, and more often than not, scaring the daylights out of you. Neph’s aloof and mysterious personality often makes it hard to tell what they’re really thinking or to form any type of proper relationship with them. And, as you eventually start to learn more about them, you realize that Neph has a good reason for this…

4 Likes

Sounds interesting

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Love what you have so far. For me, the teammates/ROs were male only. I tried to make them female and an error popped up for each.

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Theres a prblem when i try to pick the gender (female) of the characters…

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Ah, well, I wasn’t really thinking about stereotypes when coming up with the character designs, just what I thought would work well together with what I had planned? Sorry if it offended you in anyway.

Thanks for the encouragement! Please look forward to it!

Got it, thanks!

Thanks for the advice! I’ve never actually posted on this forum before so I’m not sure how to do it? Lol. But I will figure it out!

Yeah it seems to be a reoccurring problem I’ve got to fix.

Thanks for the encouragement!