The Last Student Of Veyana (WIP) - Updated

Hey Guys ! I’ve been working on my new game I call it The last Student of Veyana the game is about a student who gets a scholarship to study in a prestigious magical school, where you will be taught how to control your abilities.
The scholarship however comes with strings attached and you will soon find that it is riddled with more challenges than benefits how will you fare?

I am still on the first chapter and there is a long way to go but if you guys like how the story goes, your encouragement is appreciated. I did the coding very hastily but I will revisit later on.

To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/go/6189

-Just so you know, there are a few obvious things here and there that I have yet to correct so don’t worry I’m learning as I go and this is not the final outline for the story, I was just so excited to post my progress.

2021-10-19T08:35:00Z

  • I have added save slots since the demo will be longer as days go by.
  • Decided to change the title name to Veyana from Veyawin, (just could not let go of the LSV abbreviation) if you got better ideas I’m all ears.
  • Extended the game by an extra scene where you are about to meet your ROs
  • Still working on making more options for the names.

2021-11-09T12:00:00Z

  • My last Update for the demo
  • Introduced the first pair of ROs
  • I will keep fine tuning the story behind the scenes
  • Let’s meet next year for the full beta
78 Likes

Like what you got so far. I have a question and a couple of suggestions. Question is, is there Romance and if so with who (RO’s description needed)? And how come there’s only 3 names you can choose from and only one surname? Why not give the reader the freedom to write their own name (that is if they wanted to)? As i said before, what you got is good but there’s always room for improvement.

6 Likes

This a good start. There is room to improve but it’s good. A few things I’ve noticed is there are a couple times that Charles was not capitalized but other times it was. While I don’t mind the three name choices or the last name I do like having more options and or the option to type in my own choice for a name but as is it’s good and I’m looking forward to playing more

1 Like

Hi! It would be nice if you could divide your texts into paragraphs and add space between these paragraphs. The same applies to the characters’ speech and thoughts. That way it would be more organized and easier to follow. Thank you!

Edit: Forgot to mention. Also, it seems that some sentences start with small letters rather than capital ones (especially after making a choice or turning a new page). And some words are in capital letters even though they are in the middle of a sentence (I am not talking about the names). I noticed a sentence which is missing a punctuation mark (a dot) as well.

The way you organize speech and thoughts among characters needs a bit of polishing like I mentioned above. Also, there’s not much choice in character creation. Otherwise, your writing is very good and understandable.

5 Likes

Hello, @Clara_Wolfenstein I will be reviewing what you noticed regarding the names and will have an extensive list for the first and last name on the next update and also the option to write your own name / surname.
@Ghoslestat The ROs will be revealed on the next scene (where the game currently ends) You will be able to chose among four secondary characters, two of them male and two female.
@Mei_Hiroshi Thanks for the feedback I will definitely work on correcting that.

5 Likes

I really like the premise so far.I would also advise to code an save system since it will help when the story gets longer.And also like others said to divide the text in paragraphs since it makes it easier to read.One thing I would also like is having more options for names.

3 Likes

Okay quick and very important kind of update guys. A little birdie just whispered that my Title which is also the name of the second district in my story might be a contradiction with another hosted game(s) called the Evertree saga where there is also a place called Veyawin the home of champions or something like that.
I don’t wish to cause any confusion regarding this story’s connection to @ThomB Evertree Inn, sordwin or Lux city of secrets, so I will be looking to change the name to something else more creative.

8 Likes

Wow, that’s a crazy coincidence! Thanks for pointing it out. Obviously I don’t claim any ownership over the name, but it would definitely create some confusion for readers of the Saga if they saw Veyawin in another story. I appreciate you offering to change it and look forward to seeing more of your WIP as it grows :slight_smile:

5 Likes