@OdicHastings: Is this a new thread? I guess it’s quite easy to miss…
Typos + comments:
pressing my palm against the wound, I wince. Hopefully I haven’t lost that much blood.
Should be “Pressing” (capital “P”).
I used to know this city. I knew it’s many streets like the back of my hand. But now…
Should be “its” (no apostrophe).
A truck pulls up in front of me. The front wind shield is shattered. Nearly half-a-dozen people are crouched in the back of it. Most of them look pretty banged up.
A truck slams on its brakes, screeching to a halt right beside me. The front windshield is shattered, and the frame is riddled with bullet-holes. People are huddled in the back, most of them look injured.
Both paragraphs basically say the same thing… 
There’s my aunt Raven. She and my mom are inseparable. She lives above a shop she owns, where she makes and sells magical objects. I think some of her spells and items could treat me, and she’s much closer than my actual home.
As I think I pointed out in the last thread, if they’re inseparable, they shouldn’t live so far apart. 
I quickly thank the driver as I jump out of the truck.
I don’t think I should be jumping in my condition… 
At least one-thousand dead.
Should be “one thousand” (no hyphen).
The area we live in was completely ravaged. The apartment we lived in is gone, burned to the ground.
I guess that should be “lived in”, too, although that’s already in the second sentence. Maybe that could become “Our apartment…”?
Raven says they’ll probably open again soon, but its alright if I stay here until we hear from my parents.
Should be “it’s” (with apostrophe).
I’ll be staying with Raven. I still don’t know what happened to my parents.
Is this really necessary? It’s basically just confirming the previous status quo. I guess it could be rephrased as “Since I still don’t know what happened to my parents, I’ll be staying with Raven for the time being.” As an aside, I note that you’re using a lot of very short pages, which makes it seem to me as though the story’s going very fast, which isn’t very good in what’s pretty much been a downtime chapter up 'til now.
I feel angry.
This might work better as a choice: I feel… angry, depressed, numb, etc.
An announcement is made.
When? Is this the day after the police interview or a month later? It’s hard to tell how much time has passed (especially since the only thing I’ve been told about the intervening time is that “I feel angry.”
I’ll Keep walking.
Should be “keep” (without capital).
His hair is a mess, with oily locks haphazardly draped across his face.
He has his back turned to me.
How can I see his face if he’s got his back turned to me?
I Approach the sphere.
Should be “approach”.
“Are you not effected by it?” I ask.
Should be “affected”.
“So, how do we ‘dive in’, as you put it.”
Should end in a question mark (“?”).
Dead ahead, through the thick haze, I make out several figures. They look the same as the one’s from school, though their clothing is more varied.
Should be “ones” (no apostrophe).
“Right,” Joan says. “Lets.”
Should be “let’s” (with apostrophe).
Maybe I should charge them?
How about I charge forward?
I’ve got it! I’ll charge them!
Well, I was actually thinking I could try to separate a couple from the horde and deal with them first, before continuing in the same manner… 
“We’re in the closet.”
Joan raised a brow. “What do you mean ‘we’?”
Hey, it’s not my fault the game hasn’t asked me yet. At least two people, including my own aunt, have already assumed my sexuality…
At least he knew I was coming out.
Well, I guess now is as good a time as ever, right, Joan?
“you think?” I ask. “You don’t know?”
Should be “You”.
The white board has a very crudely drawn image of Skylong Mall. There’s else drawn or written.
Should be: “There’s nothing else drawn or written,” or something similar.
“Mr. Barrow.”
Wasn’t he Mr Barlow earlier?
I’ll slash and stab!
I’ll fire an arrow!
I’ll close the gap between us!
I have to say that I’m not very fond of this style of fighting. CS is not a good medium for an RPG, and in my mind, battles work better when they’re completely prose, with multiple different options to take, based on things like the environment, and the enemy itself. In this case, I just have to keep choosing to attack (and occasionally back away), with pretty much the same text each time, which isn’t that fun to read.
When I look to the side, I see a very boyish young man smiling at me. He’s got the most perfect golden hair I’ve ever seen. It hands around his face in lengthy bangs.
Finally! A cute guy! 
Pity about the creepy cult…
Take the blessing of the heaves. It’s power will grow inside you.
Should that be “heavens”? And that’s “its” in the second sentence.
And that’s it. Overall it’s very good, but I have a couple of complaints:
Firstly, while the scenes themselves are good, timeskips feel very jagged and unnatural. Even simple “Next day” ones feel confusing. Maybe just beginning new scenes with “A few days after…” or “The next day…”
Second, as I mentioned above, I don’t like the fight system. It feels pretty boring when you basically have to repeat the same action again and again without any changes. I know that it’s more work to write everything out as prose, but I do think it’s worth it.
I’m also slightly worried by the idea that not all ROs will be available on every route, especially since I only seem to have two available (and one is a brainwashed cultist, and I haven’t met the other… ) I don’t suppose it would be possible to have the ROs available on the other routes as well (especially given that we seem to be trying to prevent the coming war, rather than take part in it)? Also, will any of the male ROs be nearly as interesting as the tragically female Joan?
Anyway, that’s about it; good luck with the game.
beside
And I’m assuming that a human MC will either be able to leave the cult or convince them to be less… “culty”, because those are certainly the two things my human MC would want to be doing. He does not want to stay there.