I love you all so much. Even you strangers I haven’t met. Especially the people who meant so much to me over the years. I loved this community. Loved being part of it.
No regrets.
The last few years have been good to me. I’ve been so happy.
The last month has been a whirlwind. Long story short I was told Wednesday I have untreatable cancer. I’ve a few weeks left if that. I won’t see November and the firework displays. But hey I get to see pretty sunrises from my window and that’s like nature’s fireworks. The colours are always stunning.
I’m so lucky I get the chance to say goodbye. Few people do. So this is goodbye, I love you all, wish I had the energy to address each person individually.
I’ve no regrets.
Be kind to others, as trite as it may sound it makes such a difference. That’s another thing I loved about here, the kindness and supportiveness. The building others up, encouraging dreams and a path to going a writer. And all these amazing inclusive stories, characters worlds to escape into. But as much the people behind that, readers, writers, the whole community.
I’m fortunate that I’ve always tried make cards and letters (since writing is so much easier than the awkwardness of speaking compliments, is that the autism or britishness?) To make sure the people around me know how great they are. A handwritten note, a card in the post, something physical I liked giving those sorts of things.
I’m scared of being forgotten of not having made a difference even in a tiny way in others lives.
But I can at least say I was so happy to be part of this community.
(Sorry I can’t promise to reply, but this long and rambly post is sponsored by 4am insomnia and my pain meds.)
Fairy Godfeather! Thank you – for coming by, for all your kindnesses, for saying goodbye. I’m so very sorry to hear the news, and you will be in my prayers and in my heart.
I remember well so many discussions on all kinds of topics when I was new on this forum, and all the exciting stories. You and the community welcomed me and so many other newbies so warmly and openly. Thank you for sharing your encouragement and wisdom and ideas…you’ve made a real difference, and I wish you the best moment by moment, and the most beautiful sunrises.
I don’t know you, mate; came here shortly after you left from the looks of it. But I am glad you were a part of this place. And like Eiwynn, you always will be, your previous posts remaining for folks to find years down the line. I’ll be praying for you and your family.
You don’t know me, but I’ve spent a lot of time looking over past threads and I know you’re one of the people who helped make this community what it is today. I’ve often wondered about you, and I’m so sorry that I’ll never get to know you. I wish you peace now, and comfort, and a month of the most glorious sunrises anyone ever saw, and maybe even a beautiful sunset when night draws near.
I joined the forum a little after you left, I believe, but anytime I stumbled onto an old thread and read one of your posts, I always came away with the feeling that you’re a pillar of this community and that your attitude and kindness helped shape the culture of the forum. I’m glad you were here, I think this place is so much the better for having had you. I wish you peace, friend
I am so glad the last few years have been good and have brought you much happiness. I’ve thought of you often since you stepped back from the forum – hoping you’re well, fearing you might not be.
Thanks for all the kindness, generosity, good humor, and grace you showed us during your years here, and the feedback that built people up as writers, including me. Thanks for taking the time to write now and let us know about your cancer and say goodbye. That means a lot.
I can promise you that for as long as I’m around, you’ll never be forgotten.
Hope to see you on the other side – whatever that means, whatever that might look like. Even if this is the only side there is, I’m so glad to have known you and been your friend.
Welcome back! Even if it is with awful news. I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I’ve missed seeing you on the forums. I wish you the best and I’ll keep you in my thoughts. I hope you can prove the doctors wrong.
Two fairies it was
On a still summer day
Came forth in the woods
With the flowers to play.
The flowers they plucked
They cast on the ground
For others, and those
For still others they found.
Flower-guided it was
That they came as they ran
On something that lay
In the shape of a man.
The snow must have made
The feathery bed
When this one fell
On the sleep of the dead.
But the snow was gone
A long time ago,
And the body he wore
Nigh gone with the snow.
The fairies drew near
And keenly espied
A ring on his hand
And a chain at his side.
They knelt in the leaves
And eerily played
With the glittering things,
And were not afraid.
And when they went home
To hide in their burrow,
They took them along
To play with to-morrow.
When you came on death,
Did you not come flower-guided
Like the elves in the wood?
I remember that I did.
But I recognised death
With sorrow and dread,
And I hated and hate
The spoils of the dead.
I never forgot you. Ten years, and I thought of you often. I don’t think I’d be the same person today without you. Rest well, FG. Take it easy on yourself. You deserve it.
EDIT: I don’t know what else to say, but you know, I’d love to name you in a special thanks once I’m finished with this project. Or maybe I can sneak you in as a NPC somewhere…
Oh, FG, I’m so sorry. I’ve thought of you over the last few years, and hoped that you were doing well. I’m so very glad that you’ve found happiness, that the time you’ve had in this world has been filled with joy, and that you shared some of that time with us here. Your impact on this community will be felt for a long long time.
Sending you strength, peace, and hopes for many more beautiful sunrises before the sun sets.
I appreciate the sentiment, and I mean this as gently as possible, but they aren’t wrong. Its so strange, I’d have thought I’d be angry or raging at the injustice of it all. I’m half the age of the others in the ward, (its not a cancer or end of life ward) but it doesnt matter your age, no one ever has enough time. I was only admitted to hospital last sunday. To be told on Wednesday I’m dying, and there’s nothing that can be done, and that I have weeks if that…
I get to choose how to spend those weeks. I get to come here and speak to all of you. I get to spread as much love as I can. I’m not religious. But I believe that we live on in others memories and our impact on their lives, and I’d rather spend my time focusing on that. I’m not an angry person. We all die eventually. Few of us get this chance to know when, to have free health care and eventually hospice care.
I get to write a will, plan my own funeral, hide all the skeletons in my closet. I get to do constructive things like appreciating what I have, rather than being eaten up fighting a battle that can’t be won. I’d much rather enjoy all the time I have left. I can fill my life with all the love and joy I can.
That breaks my heart. But I am glad you can make the arrangements.
You will never be forgotten you made your mark on those of us who have been here near the beginning of CoG. Your posts, your thoughts and your feelings have touched us old timers* in a way that etched your memory into the heart of this company.
I hope you can spend your final weeks as peaceful as you can, and you can find solace in being able to say goodbye to your friends and family.
I wasn’t lucky enough to be here during your time on the forum, but even joining a year later I could see the impact you’d had and how much you mean to people here. Reading your words now, I just want to thank you for the kindness and encouragement you shared. It still echoes through the community. Wishing you peace and comfort.
I’ve never even seen you on this forum before. I can’t truthfully say I know much of anything about you. But isn’t the most beautiful kind of sunrise the one where you look up to see the sun at just the right moment, before it disappears behind a cloud?
I think we’re all little pebbles skipping across a vast sea, our movements causing ripples in the great ocean, our actions echoing around us in ways that we can’t always see. You have been a part of this forum even if I didn’t know you were there. I feel a sense of pride and respect for you, that even now you’re focused on making sure your ripples are ones of kindness and dignity and support. Whatever happens to a pebble after it sinks, it lives on in its echoes. Thank you for skipping over here with your final bounces to say goodbye to us. Thank you for doing your best. Thank you for trying. May you achieve whatever you’d like to accomplish in this time.
The sun rises and the sun sets for everyone. It’s what happens in between that matters. And when night falls, I’ll watch some fireworks in your honor.
I feel a little strange writing this, as I don’t believe we’ve ever interacted before, but you still sit in my memories as a younger, shyer person. When I was first creeping into these forums as a lurker, discovering this weird and wonderful world of creatives and the worlds of possibility they all made, you were there, and a very active presence at that. I’ve spent a lot of time on these forums, even if I haven’t always been an active poster, and you and Eiwynn and every other active veteran from those early days sit in my memory as emblematic of that time where this site and these games and the people who made them could serve as a comfortable escape.
I don’t think we’ve ever spoken, I’ve never been an active member of this forum, but I remember you from way back when. I hope these next few weeks are peaceful for you. I hope you get to see the most beautiful sunrise you’ve ever seen. We’ll think of you when the fireworks go off, I promise. I wish you had more time, but I’m glad you have enough to say goodbye.
One of my favorite books is called Reaper Man, and there’s a passage in it: “It was later that the story of Windle Poons came to an end, if ‘story’ means all that he did and caused and set into motion. In the Ramtop village where they dance the real Morris dance, for example, they believe that no-one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away– until the clock he wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they plant is harvested. The span of a someone’s life, they say, is only the core of their actual existence.”
While these servers are kept, you’ll be away but not gone. We’ll remember you. Thank you for being here and being one of us. I don’t think we’ve ever spoken, so while I still can, it has good to meet you.
