The Gatekeeper WIP (20/06/2020)

[Reig]

I’ll start off by saying: Thank you for clicking. This is not the first game I’ve written, but it certainly is a project I feel like I should be sharing, so thank you for taking even a peek!

A while ago (quite a while ago!) I posted in the interest thread about a game I’m working on, which name has changed a bit, but I settled on The Gatekeeper. I got a lot of positive reactions to the premise, so I hope you’ll help me shape it into the best it can be.

I will take my time with the book, and thus, I either expect it to be a lengthy one, and the first installment in a series. (I’m also a student, so updates will be slow, apologies in advance)

Demo
The Gatekeeper
Current word count: 20k~

Summary
A curse is passed down from parent to child in your family- to stay in one plot of land until death, guarding a Gate. After reaching legal independence, you moved miles away from your old home, forsaking the duty that runs through your family. However, after your parents seemingly disappeared into thin air, you are forced to return home. There you find your younger sibling, urging you to venture through the Gate to retrieve your parents.

Beyond the Gate is a world torn by war, and your presence begins to tilt the very earth itself, awakening a creature that should have been asleep for a long, long time. Now, all that’s left to do is settle a war-bearing dispute, end a war, help rulers rise to or fall from power, fight an evil that has burrowed underneath cities and of course, play your cards right and hopefully find your parents.

Features
Most features are not yet in the demo

• 10 ROs (8 Gender-set, 2 up to player-preference), but available to any gender. (Might be decreased)
• Currently, only male and female genders for the MC, but I could add in a non-binary option.
• Quite a few different endings (Due to that, the game will be focusing on relationships and decisions, and less on skill-checks.)
• Decisions carry over books in a significant way. Perma-death to some characters (not including MC) as well as consequences, both good and bad, to each decision made.
• Dual Storylines - One set in the past, and the second set in (book) present time.
• Help decide the future of both individuals and kingdoms, be out of need or out of wanting.
• Find the truth behind the curse, and change the course of fate itself.
• Find your missing parents, either for your own sake or theirs.

I will update the romantic options as they pop along the way.

Feedback I’m looking for

• Bugs
• Misspellings/Hard to read or understand sentences/Illogical sentences/incorrect sentences; I’m not a native speaker, so I’d appreciate any grammatical-related issues to be pointed out.
• Personal opinions (What could be improved? What is good?)
• Inconsistent information (I’ve began the project a bit disorganized, so any sightings of changing information would be much appreciated)

While I’m open to suggestions, I do not promise to fulfill any I might take an interest in, but I will always be glad to hear what you’ve got to say.

Currently working on
Writing chapter 2

Update log
I will update as soon as I can, but I can not provide a proper, set schedule.

Update 0 | 16/06/2020 Release of demo, Prologue and chapter 1 complete Word count: 20k~

Next update: Chapter 2

[Book_Devourer]

This is brilliant.I’m eager for more.

[XaosMinion]

So the writing is pretty good, but I have a question. In the dream I chose the mute option, but after my character was talking normally. Is just for the dream or just not implemented? I found some missing code ( I think) but I didn’t screenshot. I’ll come back with evidence. Keep the good work!

Summary

Right. So there are the screenshots.

Capitalize t

Same there

This sentence reads awkwardly, but I’m not sure if is because im not a native speaker.

Capitalize g

Ok so this is weird, especially when I choose my mc as a woman. Maybe if mc is a woman change to learning that ollie has a partner. And the last choice too. It reads weird.

Capitalize m

Missing name I think

That’s all I found. Personally i think is a bit weird to choose Alex gender when we see them and not in the dream. Maybe add an option to choose their gender (little brother/sister) and then we meet them to choose if they’re the same? Of course is just a suggestion.

[joaolita1967]

When our MC thinks about Ollie, the first option says that MC was really attracted to her but gave up after learning she was only interested in girls. My MC is female so it doesn’t really make sense.

[Alisha_Houghton]

Interesting premise. Clear and precise stats, likeable characters and skillful writing. I look forward to more.

[CorvusWitchcraft]

I think I need to see more before I can really give you a strong impression, but I’m intrigued by the premise, and interested to see what comes next. I do really like the option to be mute—though the fact that this sort of gets nullified makes the option feel kind of pointless? I’m hoping that circumstances will come up in the future that make the MC’s potential muteness relevant again.

Gonna echo that it’s a bit weird for Alex’s gender to not be determined when we first encounter them. Honestly, until that option came up, I just assumed the they/them/their pronouns meant Alex was nonbinary, because, why wouldn’t we just use the correct pronouns for our sibling the entire time?

Also: the reason people with female MCs are having issues with Ollie is because there are actually two separate opportunities to set the MC’s gender (depending on whether you follow the father or go back to look after Alex during the dream/memory), but only one of them (the “following father” one) actually sets all the variables correctly—including the variable that gets checked when determining Ollie’s gender, which in turn determines the options that show up during the sexuality choice.

Regarding said sexuality choice, I’d be careful about creating options where being a certain orientation means you have to express attraction to a specific individual (in this case, straight MCs have to have been attracted to Ollie). Despite the MC’s insistence that Ollie is the “perfect person”, they’re very much not my type nor the type I’d imagine for my MC even if their orientations were compatible. Had I been playing a straight MC, I imagine this would have really annoyed me.

That all aside, you have an overall solid start here, and I’m interested to see where you’re going with this.

[ceresvaldez]

I’m so intrigued by this! The writing is great, and the story seems so interesting. I’m looking forward to more and keep up the good work!

[Harley_Robin_Evans]

I’m intrigued can’t wait

[Takashi_Shin]

I like the story I wish luck

[derekmetaltron]

Sounds awesome! If I can’t yell STOPPPPP! at people and keep calling them maggots and ordering them to answer me less I send them to the “Black ‘ole” in the full game though I will be quite disappointed.

(Expects probably one person to get the reference)

[katieb]

Loving the premise and writing style so far!

Did find one error. It says my character is attracted to Ollie but disappointed because Ollie only likes other girls, but my character is female, so that shouldn’t be an issue.

[Reig]

Hey, thank you so much for the helpful input. I’ll be slowly going over it. As for Alex’s gender, I made it purposely vague. Without any spoilers, Alex is going to be a major, consistent character, so I wanted to give a bit for a choice. I’ll wait around for more feedback on that and see what I’ll do, but thanks for the suggestions! Much appreciated

[Reig]

Ollie is supposed to be only attracted for the opposite gender of the MC. Did you return back to Alex, or followed your father and listened in on the conversation? I went back through the code and fixed it, or at least I think I did. Thank you for pointing that out!

[Reig]

Haha! I’ll try to make sure it lives up to your standards then

[Reig]

Since writing a mute person throughout a whole game is hard (I’d have to give mute alternatives to every response of the MC) it’ll only come up during future key moments and have a proper impact, and in the memory chapters. As for the sexuality, I was worried about that! I’ll properly take another look at it and give might edit the wording to fit better! Thank you for the great help

[Reig]

The issue should be fixed now! Thank you for letting me know

[CorvusWitchcraft]

Hey, just FYI—you can respond to multiple people in the same reply by highlighting the text you want to respond to and hitting the quote button. This is generally encouraged for the sake of consolidating comments.

@Reig

Since writing a mute person throughout a whole game is hard (I’d have to give mute alternatives to every response of the MC) it’ll only come up during future key moments and have a proper impact, and in the memory chapters.

Understandable! I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t a prologue-only thing that would never come up again.

Re: the gender issue—I took a look at the code, and I think you’re still gonna run into problems? The specific issue involving Ollie has been fixed, since it relied on the variable mc_isfemale, but during the “following father” scene you also set a whole bunch of other variables, including pronouns and familial terms (e.g. brother/sister, son/daughter, etc.), which seem to still be absent from the other gender choice.

[idonotlikeusernames]

@Reig

Since writing a mute person throughout a whole game is hard (I’d have to give mute alternatives to every response of the MC)

So it’s safe to assume the mc can and is using some form of magic to (temporarily) give themselves the ability to speak as a normal person would? Which would make sense if transformation magic exists and the cause for the mc being mute is anatomical rather than psychological.

You could also take a look at “Freak amidst the Neon lights” where First is always mute yet has very few problems expressing themselves, imho.

[Snoe]

Well writing a mute character, is very gesture heavy and facial expressions are also great keys in getting a point across, though with characters that dont speak they’re gestures aught to be exaggerated a little.

It’s true when people say that much of human interaction is non-verbal. Its fairly simple to write once you understand the cues. A fun place to start, is watching how animals communicate, and also watching how a deaf person signs, both are very emotive and you get a definite tone.

Sry for rambling, I thought this might help.

[TacitLiar]

So far it seems fun and well written. I’m intrigued.

But yeah, like some other, was confused about Alex’s gender being ‘‘chooseable’’ midway in the demo.
Not terrible, but maybe use no pronouns if you want to make it an options? I’m kinda for the ‘‘set gender’’ Alex, or maybe add a ‘‘choose sibling gender’’ before the game starts instead?
I dunno, but good luck!