The Freakhouse: A Touch Of Lilium


#1

#Author’s Note: Updated 8/September/2016!

#The story:
The Freakhouse, A Touch Of Lilium (The Freakhouse for short) is a dark themed game.

The story revolves around the player and their choices. It takes place in an unknown place called “Lyssa and Furor’s Circus”, where its performers and workers range from bizarre and outré to downright pernicious. And they hope you join them in their ranks.

You don’t remember absolutely nothing but your name.

Your past is wishful thinking; you can’t recall who you are.
Your present is a chimera; what you thought you are is proved wrong over and over.
Your future is a pipe dream: castles in the air if you aren’t careful.

In this story you can choose what kind of person you are, what kind of performer you are, who you associate with. But remember: your first priority must be survival, because even who you believe is your ally (or friend) can kill you the moment you let your guard down: reach the limit of your delirium, and it’s over.

##This work is rated +18.

The game: The Freakhouse, A Touch Of Lilium

##F.A.Q

The way Dagger speaks is weird/terrible:
That’s the intention: he doesn’t speak proper English.

But there are so much grammar mistakes!
!!! Then point them out, please! (except if it’s Dagger speaking, as I said, he doesn’t speak proper English).

I already told you the grammar is wrong!!!
Yes, but I need you to point the mistakes out instead of just saying the game has a lot! English isn’t my first language, so it’s really hard for me to find them :disappointed:

Will “X” trait lock me out of “X”?
Short answer: no.
Long answer: here

There are ROs?
Yes. A lot.
.
.
.
##The drawing corner:
Adorable art~ :blush:
Dagger by @Caligae

I’m looking for bugs and typos, grammar and continuity errors, and especially your opinion!

Thank you very much for your help :smile:

If you want to share your thoughts but they are spoiler-ish, you can use:


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#2

Wow ok this is unique for sure (at least for CoG and HG games) ! :smiley:

Aside from that , what did I just read !? :joy:

This is like some next level stuff (in a good way) !
Like seriously , the writing is really good , I could not find any typos or such (but I didn’t really look for them , either) , and the actual idea of the game is amazing , with some deep psychological stuff going on. :relaxed:

I’d really like more updates on this , it’s honestly really good right now , and I’d for sure play the full thing when it comes out . 'cause it will . Right ? :sweat_smile:


#3

Oh my! Thank you very much for your kind words! :blush: :blush: :blush:

Of course I’m going to carry on with it, but it will be a bit slow: school takes a lot of my time :disappointed:


#4

No problem ! I’ll keep searching the dictionary for new ones , 'cause you deserve them ! :grin:

Yeah , I can’t blame you for that ! Just do the school stuff and when you’re done , remember : " Hey , that Chris guy likes my game , I guess I could write some more , right? " , and it’ll be fine :smile:


#5

For the most part I liked it, it was different and something that I haven’t seen in a while. I’m not a grammar nazi so I’d rather not spend time just telling you about all of the grammar issues I saw but there were some obvious mistakes that I’m sure you could easily spot when you go back over it.

For me the first part seemed a bit irrelvant, if you’re going to make us do it no matter what option we take then just make us do it, don’t have us make an option that is obviously not important at all.

Other than that I can’t wait for you to continue like the other commenter said this is different and I’m interested.


#6

You don’t even noticethe

you missed a space.

Same page but text replacement for the Next button

Such little mess.

Such a little mess.

Anf if Destiny is feeling generous,

And if destiny is feeling generous,

“A little thing of a girl, no older than fifteen. Even if she’s a Ringleader, her job is to just to stand still and pretty.”

“A little thing of a girl, no older than fifteen. Even if she’s a Ringleader, her job is to just to stand still and look pretty.”

Interesting start, and a game that I will follow. You get an A for originality. So keep up the good work and I am looking forward to more.

Just as an aside: I tend to find contraction in the written text bad form tend to be a pet peeve of mine, but for inter-character speech it is fine, but in the body of the text. Not so much.


#7

Reminds me a bit of The Palace of Laughter crossed with American McGee’s Alice. Nice.


#8

I just have to add one thing made me lol

[spoiler]You have to do this. It’s your only option.

Do it.[/spoiler]


#9

It’s strange. But it’s a good kind of strange.
I liked the writing of this too. :sunglasses:


#10

@Lycoris omg this is sooooo awsome!! Great demo and i cant wait for more :grinning::grin: Also dagger is really intresting! (RO?)

My poor small mc boy was so confused i cant wait to see what happens! Im so glad Im over 18 or i wouldent have played this! Looking forward to the male ringmaster since he sounded soo creepy.


#11

I really, really enjoyed this. It was very different and had quite an interesting feel to it. I thought that Dagger seemed quite intriguing.

My only complaint is in regards to the grammar. In the earlier parts, the grammar isn’t much of an issue, but further into the demo, there are a lot more mistakes. However, it didn’t impair my understanding of what was going on. I would suggest just going over the grammar yourself or (better yet) have someone else go over it for you because they’ll likely have fresher eyes and be more likely to catch mistakes you might miss.

I’m very interested in this, and I hope you continue writing whenever you get the chance. I believe there’s a lot of potential here.


#12

Alright, I have to check the grammar. A lot. Takes a notepad and scribbles in red.

Here I’m a bit confused, I thought it was valid because I’m talking about the player (not shattered the glass)? Same with "stand still and pretty: I saw it somewhere, but I will correct it.

Destiny as in a mysterious entity (like a deity) instead of fate, that’s why I used a capital letter.

All of you, thank you very much for your help! :smile:


#13

Okay. Interesting, unique. Very atmospheric. I eagerly await more of it.


#14

Very interesting, I will be keeping my eye on this one. I did run into an error however. When you ask why he had the pills the WIP wigs out. I am looking forward to more and hope to see more delightfully creepy stuff from you, so I shall leave you with a Pennywise for your thoughts.


#15

This is a fascinating concept! Freakhouse where everybody has an weird, messed up thing to do with their body? We all have an act in the show? Our supposedly colleagues will have random urges to kill us? I never thought I needed this in my life, now I do!

Just the thought of everybody having a trait and an act made me think of at least a dozen different kinds of characters! If you ever need help making characters or just somebody to proofread, my PM is open.

Keep at this. It sounds like it will become a wonderful game!


#16

: D Congrats on getting it up! Wonderful feeling to recieve comments on a WIP, ne?

So, yes, there are still some grammar issues- but I would like to say that Dagger’s manner of speech has improved a LOT. It is still a little ‘weird’, and I think it could still be polished further, but it is much improved. To really showcase that Dagger’s speech is meant to be a little ‘off’, as has been mentioned, having good grammar everywhere else is preferrable.

There’s a lot of potential for what you can make of this and make it into. I have a feeling it will grow beyond the length you expect it to be. I also think that the more you work with it the more your grammar will improve overall in time, though… light sigh I think it may take someone going over it thoroughly for a while.

Only other thing I can say? (inside joke) My character has no charm! XD


#17

It doesn’t physical hurt you. At least for now.
–physically–
Also, when it gives you the eye choice I thought it was talking about hair. IDK why. I’d recommend putting eyes after it (or something).

A couple of punctuation, and capitalization errors here and there, but nothing major. (If you want me to help look for them, I can).

On the other hand, lovely, creative game. Definitely not like any other WiP that I’ve seen around here.


#18

@Space_Waffle, @Pace675, @Bagelthief, @Fawkes thank you!

@GloriaRose yep, Furor is creepy (that’s the plan) and I’m not saying anything about ROs right now (oooops, I already said too much :wink: )

@Prof_Chaos !!! I will correct it! Thank you! And take that thing away, I don’t like clowns! :tired_face:

@Nathan_Faxon yep, everyone has a trait: they can choose to perform or work behing the scenes, and the player can do the same. Your colleagues may or may not try to do it randomly, that’s too spoiler-ish :smile:

@Shawn_Patrick_Reed thanks to drop by! :blush: I’m going to say it right now: Dagger’s speech is shitty, but I will improve the rest. No worries, charmless character can make up for it in other ways! :wink:

@Just_Because !!! Thank you! But I thought it was clear I was talking about the eyes? It says:

then you can pick the color, and


#19

@Lycoris Muhahah :smiling_imp::smiling_imp::smiling_imp: I cant wait! Im coming for you creepy guy Furor Ahem! If its not much of a bother how many important characters are there? Aside from dagger and the ringmaster. XD


#20

Well… I don’t know the exact number, but there are a bunch, at least… 10 (main) characters, then there are the minor ones…