If I have to pitch this in the elevator, it would be Firefly+Jagged Alliance+Mobile Suit Gundam, set in the space-equivalent of the 17th Century with it’s colonization of the New World and the golden age of piracy.
I wanted to give the player a ‘poor’ opening. In that he/she is something like a gutter rat, struggling for survival at the bottom of the world. That way, the player’s rise in reputation, the player’s rise in power will make it a rewarding experience. I’ve taken one of the earlier opening versions of Vendetta: Rise of a Gangster as inspiration. But it’s turned out meaner and smaller.
Anyway, please check out the game for an extended introduction into the setting.
At the start of Episode 1, the player is a talented Armour (a six meter humanoid mecha) pilot part of the ‘The Exiled Sons’, a poor, on-it’s-knees mercenary company struggling to stay one step above piracy.
This project, as I envisaged at the beginning, is broken into ten episodes, each episode taking at least twenty-thirty minutes to finish. Some episodes are standalones but I imagined story-lines spilling into the continuing episodes. The ‘effect’ of one episode becomes the ‘cause’ in the next. Something like that at least.
Finally, the objective of this project is to essentially improve my writing skills. So any feedback on this aspect of the game is sincerely appreciated.
There is ‘damn’. There is ‘hell’. Perhaps a ‘bullshit’ somewhere too. And a few unfriendly pokes at God.
Also, I’ve only recently picked up choicescript, so there might be more than a few errors.
(NOTE - The tailend of the first episode is still unfinished.)
It seems great, and looks like it will be a great game when you complete it!
Have to say I really enjoy this! Liked the Gundam vibe you have going here. Possibly would like some greater info on the supporting cast and more occupation options to be finished but otherwise goo, a great writing style so no worries there!
I really enjoyed the game aswell
Few mistakes with the pilot choice
And I thought there could be more description and maybe a little less rushed but its really good
When checking on Brown, it says ‘floating in Hair’ rather than air… I like this game, I was getting tired of games with “curse word substitutes”.
found this error
line 347: bad label scene_6
Thanks all. But the game, even at already this preliminary stage feels very railroaded.
I’ve also realized I made a lot of newbie errors. An example for one would be like scripting dialogue trees.
I get the feeling the game isn’t as interesting as it could be. Doesn’t engage the player.
That part is still under construction.
The most obvious choice was Athena. The Cap’s younger sister and Second. She had the highest simulator score and the one least likely to go, Ah, they shot me. Ah, they shot me. Or the always annoying, Um, how I get the Armour to do this.[/it] While she may be an idiot as large as the Cap, she’s less likely to admit it in the heat of battle. Less likely to kill you asking questions.
Fix that italic, it causes the second part to stay italic.
As a Gundam and Mecha Anime fan, this looks like it’ll be pretty darn awesome! I’m loving it so far, I think it has a lot of potential! Also, I like your writing style, hope to see more of this!
As a mecha anime fan, I’m really looking forward to this! Feels a bit on rails and there could be a bit more description, but it looks good so far.
Cilver what the heck are you talking about?! I was so into this game I thought it was a hosted one for a second! Shut up you genius this game is amazing!
Thanks. Very flattering.
But I still feel unsure about the game so far. I’ve thinking between starting again or staring on a new project.
no I like the whole concept so don’t start a new project or start over read through and edit the bits you don’t like
@cilvercat I don’t often have the time spare to play many WIPs, but with a pre-purchased X-Rebirth still sitting untouched on my 'puter due to all the bugs being reported since launch (*sob*), I figured I’d give this one a try as I sorely miss my occasional sci-fi fix.
FWIW, I genuinely believe it would be a shame if you abandoned this project or started again. Sure, it needs a bit of work here & there (don’t they all?), but that’s what a playtest is all about… and there are lots of experienced players hereabouts all too willing to help with that once they give it a fair shot. I find your style of writing to be extremely engaging and I love how the story is shaping up, and where it’s heading.
Besides, any game featuring someone called Carina as the MC gets my vote!
The concept is great :), i loved playing mercs :), just give us clashing personalities like jagged Alliance ( not now me busy)
Dude I’ve only played through the boring pilot in a frigate part and I loved it! Imagine how awesome a fully fledged war and you being a rebel pilot would be! Please don’t give up on this.
I’m loving it your story is very engaging and weather it needs work or not I loved it I’ve played through all the different classes a few times so I hope you continue on with it but it’s your story
Please continue with this.
Don’t give up on it, that’s what playtesting is all about! You’ll get lots of input here.