The Dryad's Riddle (Complete)


#1

Blurb:
A not so long time ago, in a place quite nearby actually, a young child heard of a legend. A legend of a mythical creature that could only be summoned by the brightest minds and sharpest of wit. Once summoned, the creature would reward those they deemed worthy with treasure beyond their wildest dreams!

You of course are this young child, and you are about to embark on a journey. A journey that will test your mind to it’s very limits with riddles and puzzles that will have you scratching your head in confusion from the start, and ripping your hair out in frustration before this is over.

If you fear you do not have the brains to complete this quest, turn back now, for your journey is about to begin…

Plot:
So, the concept of the game is very sweet and simple. It’s basically a puzzle solving game.

When you step inside a fairy ring, you are transported into a fantasy world where you need to solve a series of riddles and puzzles. Each riddle you solve will bring you one step closer to getting back home.

… So yeah, a little different from your regular Choicescript game. I’ve put together a demo if anybody wants to see how it works.

– Link Removed –

Update
The game is finished and has been submitted. :blush:

Still to do:
Possibly make a trailer.


The Lawless Ones (Previously "Villains") Completed! (Beta Closed)
#2

I found being asked whether I was a “sissy girl” a bit offputting–I would consider whether that’s the way you want to establish that.


#3

The boy calling you a “sissy girl” is about 9 years old. I don’t think he’s particularly concerned whether or not he sounds sexist. (Be warned, he may also call you a “poo-poo head”.) :yum:


#4

I can imagine a lot of offputting things that a child or, indeed, anyone, might ask me regarding what my character’s race, religion, or gender is.

I totally understand that you are creating a character, and that these words are to be attributed to this person’s limited worldview, etc., but at the same time, these words are also how you are presenting the choice of boy/girl. It does serve that double duty.

But I just wanted to let you know I found it offputting–that’s the best service I can do for you as a reader of a draft, to let you know honestly how I responded, gut-level-wise. I’m ok with poo-poo head, though. You can bring that on.


#5
Click for typos.

Most of these typos are rather pervasive throughout, so I’ll just give single examples:

“Not if you’re smart.” You remind Freya.

This should all be a single sentence (no full stop or capital in the middle):

“Not if you’re smart,” you remind Freya.

And so on.

You call out, but turning around you see that neither your friend or your sister are anywhere in sight.

Although you could probably get away with this, technically it should be neither/nor.

A new church building stands in it’s place, tall and proud without so much as a smudge on the stained glass windows.

Should be “its” unless you can replace it with “it is”.

I boy, am a dryad.

There should be another comma, just after the “I”.

It seems the same but some things are… Different.

Should be lower-case, as it’s still the same sentence.

If you’re using quotes inside quotes, you should alternate between double and single quotes.

If you’re writing a multiple-paragraph quote, you should begin each paragraph with a quotation mark, although you should only end the last paragraph with one.

And only those who prove there worth will find the precious treasure.

Unless this is supposed to be a clever word-play, that should be “their”.

My friend here is from the human world and {He_She} needs the Possessed Portobello to get home.

${He_She}, presumably.

Awh, what kind?” Asks Luna. “Is it fluffy? Can I pet it?”

I think “Aw” is the generally accepted spelling. (And I, too, would like to pet said monster.)

You will stay for tea, wont you?

Should be “won’t”.

Here is the problem you see, and it is for you alone to solve;

Should end in a colon (:), not a semi-colon (;).

“Or would you prefer to keep the drow company awhile longer.” “Coming!”

The first sentence should end in a question mark; the second should be in a new paragraph.

“he’s right sir!” Luna backs you up.

Capital “H”.

Now lets hurry up and get out of here before anybody else tries to kill us.

Should be “let’s”.

Non typo comments:

Agreed; this was probably my only truly major complaint. (It’s not just sexism…) I am also fine with poo-poo head, however.

if the answer is a word, it should begin with a capital letter, so it must be “Mountain” and not “mountain”.

This seems a little arbitrary… and the code could just as easily be *if ("$!!{answer}" = "MOUNTAIN") as *if (answer = "Mountain"). (The other rules, admittedly, are pretty necessary unless you want to write thousands of potential answers.)

It would be nice to see the riddle on the same page that we guess the answer (at least for the shorter riddles).

the drow twins

Is “Drow” copyrighted?

All in all, I thought it was very good; it’s not exactly as choice-filled as the usual game, but it’s clear that that’s not really what you’re going for, so that’s all right. Good luck with the rest. :slight_smile:


#6

That’s clever. I’m going to use that sometime.


#7

I found an error that @ParrotWatcher did not list. Unfortunately, my copy did not take. You wrote that but meant than … it is near the beginning of a page.

The major thing you’ll need to change is your page structure. Many of the readers of CoG and Hosted Games use phones and tablet devises. The long pages of text you currently have will turn many of them off with the ammount of scrolling this means.

I’d also suggest a “story-mode” feature for those readers who would really enjoy your game for the story but don’t appreciate the puzzles as much or who (like myself) get frustrated when unable to advance after a third, fourth or fifth guess.

You are a very talented writer - a little bit of adaptation to the Choicescript standards and you should get approval for your game quite easily.


#8

I really like this! It kind of reminds of me of Professor Layton with how much every single problem can be solved with a riddle! I love the variety of riddles and puzzles to solve! I like the style its writing it, it’s very light-hearted and charming.

I would recommend shorter pages. I don’t think there’s such a thing as having too many pages.


#9

Okay, how’s this? In the choice, “I’m no sissy girl! I’ll make it to the bottom of the hill before either of them.” I’ll put “sissy girl” in quotation marks to show that the main character (if male) is only quoting his friend and does not consider girls to be “sissies” himself. Any better? :blush:

Awh! I didn’t know you could do that. I’ll definitely consider changing it. Presumably that command will make it so that the answer is accepted regardless of which letters in the word are capitalized?

From what I could find;
“No. The Drow, also called Trow, are a fictional race in Nothern European mythology.”


#10

Thanks Eiwynn, I’ll have a look for that later. :blush:

Good advice, I’ll throw a few page breaks in there.

There’s always the “magic beans” for people who just want to play the game without solving puzzles.


#11

This is only my opinion; feel free to ignore if you wish.

Using that term, “sissy girl” is tied to the Machimo tradition of some cultures. As such, you are saying the kid buys into this cultural stereotype, using quotes or not.

Why not use an alternative, less loaded term?

I’d just leave it out and have: [quote=“Avery_Moore, post:9, topic:23378”]
I’ll make it to the bottom of the hill before either of them."
[/quote]

ymmv.


#12

Awh, thank you! I was quite inspired by games like Professor Layton and Puzzle Agent. :blush:


#13

Really? It was intended to be a pathetic attempt at teasing by a boy too young to have learned any decent insults. :yum:

Anyway, I’ll try to think of a way to change that choice to make it confirm that the main character is male whilst acknowledging that he doesn’t think girls are sissies.


#14

It’s not really that; the term itself is loaded with homophobic connotations, and it doesn’t help that both responses imply that “sissy” is bad. (And, yes, I know that it’s perfectly in-character for a nine-year old, but it should still probably be avoided.)

Those seem less “dark elf” and more “troll”, though.


#15

Really? I would’ve considered “sissy” to be more sexist than homophobic. Does the word have another, extremely offensive meaning that I’m unaware of? :confused:

If so, would changing “sissy girl” to “little girl” or “scaredy girl” be any better?

From what I can find, it doesn’t seem like either depiction is copyrighted.


#16

It’s basically a derogatory word for “effeminate”, so it ended up as a derogatory term for gays, too.

“Little girl” or “scaredy girl” would be better, yes. (Still sexist, but then a girl can argue back.)

Well, you’re probably fine, then.


#17

Okay, I’ll change it to one of them. :blush:


#18

Princess, you [verb] like a girl, Shut up [any girls name, especially the opposite sex equivalent]! - which could let you potentially choose MC name as well as gender.


#19
  • The writing is really good.
  • I love the dryad. She’s so funny. The other creatures are interesting and well-described too. I like how the story is kind of dark.
  • Some of the riddles are very tough! Well done.

#20

Minor Updates:

So I’ve taken some of your advice and made a few minor changes to the game. Namely;

  • You no longer have to start the riddle with a capital letter. (Thanks to @ParrotWatcher for the code to do this.)

  • I’ve put in a lot of page breaks so that people using phones won’t have so much scrolling to do.

  • The first two riddles now have the option for the player to say that the riddle’s too hard, in which case they’ll be given the answer.

  • The player will now be called a “little girl” instead of a “sissy girl”. :blush: