i know i put a lnk in the main discussion, in case you missed it. i also said i would make this seperate for the demo so here it is.http://deviouslydeliciousgames.webs.com/SK%20demo/mygame/index.html
Tried the game and I have a few complaints.
1 - Why is there no capitalization of letters at the start of every new sentence? There are a few grammar mistakes here and there (lack of space after commas/periods, lack of apostrophes, etc)
2 - Where’s the motivation in this game? Without explanation or information, the protagonist comes off as a really creepy serial killer that wants to murder to ‘fulfill his needs’. It feels… creepy to kill people for no motive at all.
3 - There are a number of bugs. The first one is where I’m asked to type in my choice of weapon. I typed ‘gun’ despite the forbiddance of it and got the same result as choosing a knife. Also, when I chose to go after the girl, the game suddenly treated it as though I had chosen the smoking teen instead.
Imo, the game could use a lot of polish.
Agreed with Teylot. The first line has a question in, and yet it ends with a full stop. No caps makes the entire thing seem monotonous, and spelling errors are rife. Please, please get it beta’d before publishing, you need to get this fixed up a lot.
Also, you need to use paragraphs. That would help it quite a bit.
With regards to motivation, I think you should develop it extremely slowly, but not to much an extent, especially not at the beginning. If you have ever read “The Confession”, it should be similar to Boyette, I think. That’s the impression I get, anyway.
Finally, with regards to the weapon, make it an option, not a written text box. It gives freedom, yes, but you cannot encompass every type of weapon. I chose “gun-shaped soap” out of boredom (and homage to Woody Allen), and it fails. Make it a choice between knives (I’d go for combat knife, katana, rapier, spear and something comical, like a banana).
@treylot, I understand the spelling errors thing. I did not take time to edit it yet.
As for the motivation, as to whybi made it, is an homage to Dexter. As for his motivation it is a primal urge. He has a need, it tells you that he becomes relaxed after he kills. As for the weapon, it is not a bug that you were able to type something. I will probably change that to a choice later.
@devex3 I have never read the confession so I really have no idea what you are talking about?
Dexter is a favorite show of mine, and as a demo, your game has a lot of promise. A few things:
- I like the choice of selecting victims. I didn’t expect this but liked it when the choices appeared.
- I would expand the choices once you select the victim. This takes a lot of effort to write but would be a good direction.
- I would not explain much in the intro. If someone is playing the game, let them just figure it out when they play. This is actually a comment I received when my game was reviewed by CoG. Just throw the reader into the game with no setup.
Good luck with the game!
The plot is very nice, and I understand you’re going to polish up the grammar, so I won’t say anything as to that. Your writing style seems to need a bit of a polish too. I would try to describe things a bit more and add a touch of…something.
Anyway, good promise. I’d like some choices, but then again this is just a fresh demo. Looking forward to a nice and polished version though. I think it would be very good~
Well, I guess punctuation and formatting is covered above, but the tone is definitely in the right direction I think. A few points:
-As mentioned before, instead of typing a weapon, why not just give a few choices of one? Especially when you specified it can’t be a gun, and the next page you made a comment about that… I feel there should be as little type-ie thing as possible really.
-Most choice games are in 2nd person, so not sure why you wrote it in first person. To me, it’s a bit harder to get my head round.
-Choosing whichever location lands you in the same place. I didn’t expect to find people eating when I chose to go to the club…
-There was a repeat of the ‘congratulations’ statement at the ending page of killing the woman in the office. It was a bit of a quick and abrupt ending…
-I know it’s a demo, but you can click NEXT even after the ending, unless you go into the stat screen to restart.
-Going for the smoking teen, I don’t get that ‘going for the phone’ option. Didn’t he have the gun pointed at you?
That’s about it at the mo. Still, I can see this game developing into something good.
@zero647, I will fix the weapon choice. I haven’t worked in it recently because things came up and I’m deciding what I want to do with my life. I write in the first person, it’s just how I usually do it. And if you run to the phone, just because he has a gun, doesnt mean he has the balls to shoot you.
lol my weapon was a plastic bat. 
I can’t say anything that hasn’t already been said.
Srry everybody. For the longest time I thought that videogames were what I wanted to do. Ive always drawn well and wanted to be a artist for games but I’m now persuing my newfound passion of comic books by making an indie comic book and I’m already eight pages in. As of this and just gereral lack of interest I hav not worked on this game since. If any one would like I could email you all my code. Or you could start the idea from scratch. I’m still playing CoG games so I hope to play all yalls games in the future. I feel really bad about this though. So bye I guess, but I’ll still post on forums every now and again.
Woah, comics? That’s awesome! I really wish you good luck with that~
Thank you iyashiiotaku 
When I finishing up a few issues I will publish them through an Internet printing and shipping website called ka-blam and sell them on comics monkey and indyplanet. Ive nearly written a whole issue now and it will be a fantasy comic book. I have worked on a fantasy realm of my own for years now so it’s really well developed world. I’m fact I started it in 6th grade an now am in 11th XD originally meant for a game then a book now a comic. How time flys.
Wow. That’s a long time, but it got moving. What kind of comic is it exactly?
I- ugh. That hurt my eyes. NO capital letters, WAAAAY to few question marks, a lack of plot and generally uninteresting. Try writing it all again, this time with a visible yet not too obvious plot line, fewer typos, a choice between blade weapons etc. Writing it in second person PoV (You, not I or He/she) will also help. Also, a motive?
Sorry for writing this like a flamer, but I try to be honest about my reviews