The Beastie Watch (WiP) - Updated 25 September


#1

Welcome to the Beastie Watch–an improbable and sometimes absurd Electropunk adventure. Set in an alternate version of our own Earth, you’ll experience the swinging 30’s first hand! Aliens have landed, and robots are here to stay. Ferocious beasties have invaded parts of the kingdom, and the Beastie Watchers are tasked with beating them back into the Wild.

You play as a Rascal, a rouge-like character working in His Majesty’s Beastie Watch and fighting monsters for your bread and butter. You might find riches or fame in the Northern Wild–or you might be eaten alive.

Filled with card games, classic cars, and sneak thievery. Expect some spying, lying, and even dying. Watch out for the beasties, and remember to be polite to strange robots!

Feedback, comments, suggestions, and requests welcomed. I hope you enjoy.

Link: (Link down for the moment, sorry, all! You can still play an earlier version here, with thanks to @Lordirish and ChoiceofBox for hosting.)

Inspired by the 4th Annual CS Competition and the theme “Poisonous Intent”. Thanks to @Lordirish and all of the judges, and also my fantastic beta testers and artist!


The Aegis Saga - Blood
An issue with gambling...without being random?
CSComp Winners 2016
My top WIPs as of right now
#2

Very humorous and enjoyable. I understand this would take a lot of writing, but if a sequel is ever made, I’d like to have the ability to choose our classes – You managed to make them all very interesting.


#3

Its good to see this continuing😊


#4

love the sound of this game, and I will enjoy reading what you got so far :thumbsup:


#5

@Fiogan Just going to offer some thoughts as a reader. (Having read your story first… just one play through so far, so I don’t know how much it branches) … For starts- holy schnikees, you packed a lot into a month. o.O Seriously. Break-neck scamper on that pace, Rascal! XD I note that there’s a ton of poisonous intent references, and there were points I was genuinely trying to avoid things because I figured my character might not make it through. But serendipitously did, oh fair fortune. Now stylistically… I’m still scratching my head. The …jazzy flavor… isn’t native to me. I like the abundant humor, and there’s a distinct campy feel that is reeeeeeaaallllyy deja-vu-inducing, though I can’t for the life of me place it. Like bits from old sci-fi novels mixed with The Aristocats. I’m not personally a jazz/blues fan, but somehow, the story had me throw my hands up and go ‘Ah well! Roll with the road!’ … The feel for the story and characters definitely grew a lot as the story went on. The large jump in time into chapter 1 was somewhat disconcerting, and the character sheet stats seem like a jumble of boogaloo. By chapter three, though, characters had come to be more familiar and I had confidence in my own character’s abilities. Thing is, as an important consideration- I was having fun at the absurdity. From solving the slime problem with a teddy bear to clearing the goon firing squad with a fire-drill. ; P Heading back in and retrieving more gear too- it felt like a romp and cheesy roleplaying session with a distinctly Brittish top-off. Although I couldn’t quite be certain whether or not to be taking it seriously or treating it as a comedic romp- some part of me was always worried about becoming poisoned amidst the shenanigans, another part felt blessed by the powers that be with an Inspector Cluseau or Captain Jack Sparrow-esque sort of luck. …I didn’t expect ‘visually stunning’ to be literally considered by way of artwork, and I can’t say as yet one way or another what I think on this (not having yet read the other stories), but your writing does convey vividness, not so much in how things look, to me, but very much in actions. There’s a lot of mental motion, mental action- and that is a visual element. Though I’ll add that you’ve got the right degree of explanation mixed with letting the reader make their own mental image for things. Seriously though… how did you pack so much into a month. That genuinely impresses me, a lot, while considering the authorial skill (imo) only improves further in. It’s genuinely good writing, and in a generous multi-course-meal-portion, too. But e-gaads, electric bugaloo?!?? >.< Some part of me can’t forgive you, even though I find myself enjoying the story. - Ah, yes, also to note, I do like the various characters. Although it takes a bit to actually become accustomed to them, and you’re put into the situation where your character is assumed to know them before you actually know much of anything about them. Exception for Reg, he stands out a bit earlier than the others. I ended up basically settling into my niche as the group’s five-leaf clover sometime around the end of chapter 1, having already more or less been building in that direction with a smattering of wit and charm to go along with. XD I have to wonder if, with the amount of content I’ve seen, there’s all that much by way of branching, or if the story is fairly railroaded. Being well-written I think takes precedence in a personal sense, but the curiosity is there. Really, essentially, once you get into the story, it’s very entertaining. It’s simply that doing so is a bit jarring early on. Which doesn’t diminish that it gets good. I mean, from a proud writer like me, it’s a big deal for me to concede that I think your overall writing is better than mine. Oh- and unrelated, there’s something I wanted to ask: There’s a place near the beginning where you have two choice menus on the same screen. How do you do that? Also, I’m going to say that, you darn-tootin’ better have another episode up in the future, y’hear? Anyway, fun story. :slight_smile:


#6

I don’t know why I love the Rascal title so much but I do. This was a great and fun playthrough, I’m down right interested!


#7

I know. @Fiogan 's devious mind creates such a sugary gingerbread MC for us to sink our teeth into, huh?


#8

I can’t believe all this was done in just one month! Great writing and characters, lots of interesting choices. I haven’t read all the CScomp entries yet, but I’m not surprised that this won

Also: I feel so betrayed! :anguished:


#9

You breathe life into such dear characters. They’re diverse, endearing, and lovely… and let’s say-- [spoiler]where interactions with words like sultry or husky are concerned… options that lead to are just too tempting not to pick.[/Spoiler]

Hmm, [Spoiler]that Jeepers Creepers line (was it?)[/Spoiler], can’t say I was a fan first encounter, but it does grow on you. Strange. I wonder if it’s because it rhymes…

The bits of wisdom thrown in here there were beacons of light in dark-- or is it gray? I love it.

That Fifty Shades Of Nay tho, genius!


#10

@Fiogan

Here’s a nasty crawly bug:

[spoiler]*if (devious <= 50)
In fact, it was all you could do to maintain your disguises in a village where everyone has known everyone else’s mother, brother, and cousins since the beginning of time.
*if (devious < 50)
You managed the disguises easily enough. If the peeps in the pubs know anything worth saying, though, they’re keeping it to themselves. All the talk was about sheep, harvest, and the weather. Very dull stuff.

atm neither of these trigger if Devious is greater than 50.[/spoiler]


#11

I have yet to read the WIP but you hooked me in with electro punk!


#12

Thank you, all, for the kind words, likes, bug squishing, and comments! I’m delighted you’ve enjoyed the game thus far.

@DrDolphinrider Or I could make eleven sequels, once for each class. (;

@Terrell_Williams Oh yes–I can hardly leave everyone dangling on a cliffhanger, now. And thank you.

@moonwalkerdragon Thank you! I hope you do!

@Shawn_Patrick_Reed Reply and comments–with spoilers for the current build of the game–under the arrow.

Feedback response with some spoilers.

Thank you so much for the good words, and for the very detailed feedback! I truly appreciate it.

You actually can’t die…most of my games are rather non-violent, and ‘poisonous intent’ as a theme was rather petrifying.

You can lose the battles, however, or be injured. Other consequences exist, too, but none of them are ‘game over’.

My concept pitch for this was ‘electropunk 1930s DnD/RPG parody in southern Scotland, alternate world’. So make of that what you may.

I’m planning to add content between the introduction and chapter one. I actually wrote chapter one first, and several beta testers said I had tipped them off the plank and into the sea, and could they please have more background first. I actually wrote chapter one, then chapter three, then two, then the intro, then four. Linear, schminear.

I’m so glad you found the nonsense fun! I loved writing that teddy bear portion. I also enjoyed having B00P-D33T! set the curtains aflame.

I’d hoped that the writing would be vivid, with or without the illustrations–although I’m very grateful to my fantastic artist, E. Lewis Martel, who went far above and beyond for the comp and deserves loads of credit. They also chose the Duesenberg as our classic car of choice–it’s surprised me how popular that car has been, haha.

I packed so much into the month with a lot of grace, patience from my two rather young daughters (I’m a widowed mum), really wonderful beta testers who were honest when my writing was boring, confusing, or both, and a lot of music from Bart and Baker and Lamuzgueule.

Eclectic boogaloo–the beta testers actually voted on this! I blame it all on Reggie, personally. Phil thinks the name is ridiculous too.

I want to add a chapter between the introduction and chapter one that allows one to meet Edie and Clivey directly, probably implements a battle and a mission, and gives some leads on the main plot threads. I’m also considering messing about with the time frame, and having the game take place over one year instead of two…but I like two years, because it brings one close to the end of one’s enforced enlistment.

I like to think that it branches a fair bit, especially chapters one and two, but I look forward to others’ perspectives. Chapter One took the longest because it branches rather drastically.

Thank you so much for the kind words and comments–I’m so glad you liked it! I appreciate the suggestions, very much so.

I’ll work on fleshing out the earlier sections of the story…after all, people will likely be reading a demo, so it’s important that the first chapter is as immersive as the fourth. And not confusing.

Two choice menus on the same screen: It’s mentioned here, on the ChoiceScript wiki, somewhat ironically under ‘multiple *choice’ halfway down the page. The instructions were missing, though, so I hunted round on the forums…@RETowers had a very helpful example in this post, and I copy-pasted her template here when I was designing that page.

@ToxicDreams It’s what I chose for parodying the ‘rogue’ trope. I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for posting to tell me so, too.

@Zolataya No gingerbread in this one, alas. Only teddy bears.

@Falingard Thank you! I’m delighted you enjoyed it. And I’m sorry! I, er, at least would like to share the blame with @Pace675’s fantastic prize category. I would have never dreamed of adding either the romance or the betrayal portions otherwise, to be quite honest.


#13

@ab2wus Thank you! I so appreciate your wonderful comments. I’m so glad that scene worked, too–that was my second most difficult scene to write. I painted over the first version with a broad brush after a wonderful, honest beta tester told me the first edition was boring.

Jeepers creepers– ah, 30’s slang! I had to borrow a surprising amount from the U.S., with the justification of dance band culture borrowing so much influence from across-the-pond swing culture. There was a good bit of artist crossover then, too. And thanks! I’m glad you had fun with it!

@Sneaks You are amazing, a veritable hero of bug-squashing prowess. Thank you very much–and thanks for taking the trouble to pull the relevant lines out of the code, too. I very much appreciate it. I fixed it for the next update.

@jcsunshine_3 I hope you’ll enjoy the story!


#14

I am glad the prize tempted you into writing out of your comfort zone, hence why I like making romance category my thing. I tend to believe if you can write a good romance, you can write anything. (Believable romances are a bloody hard thing to do if you ask me). To grow as an author one must be able to write outside of their own comfort zones and still keep the story believable, kudos to you for that.

I already know what next years’s romance challenge is, but alas 11 months to find out what it is, it would seem easy at a glance, but with romances nothing is ever that straight forward now is it?

Keep up the exceptional work @Fiogan I eagerly await the completion to the lovely work!


#15

Actually, I am quite amazed you managed to write a romance when you are defiantly nit comfortable with it, I tip my hat to you :smile:.
I know I’m going to DIE when it comes to romance in my book, and I mean I’m gonna freak! I cannot write romance, only violence ask anyone who’s read my FF.


#16

This looks REALLY promising!

I’ll be sure to keep an eye out on this story!


#17

Oh my, what an unexpectedly thorough reply! Thank you.

If indeed die you cannot, I like that the game makes it feel like it might be a possibility if you really mess things up or choose awry. I wonder at what other titles there might be besides Jitterbug which I had earned in my playthrough.

Y’know… if you add to that concept pitch at the end ‘dime novel Buck Rogers style sci-fi feel’, that all told is about a perfect descriptor, really. It definitely has that ‘aliens from across the galaxy’ rather than ‘native to the planet’ feel, though. With the various races. It’s very sci-fi rather than fantasy, that is to say. And the parody elements- I do love a number of them. Psychic rather than mage, Rascal rather than Rogue (heck, I actually like Rascal more, with the particular tone of the story, you make it fit. )

Err. Uh. That’s a rather random order. And I’d never have been able to tell unless you told me.

My condolences ma’am. I had a good friend of mine pass away a number of years back leaving behind a widow and two young children. I can only image. Although, I’d also like to apologize for something you’d never know unless I put voice to it as I am; I’d thought you were a guy. Although I should have been clued in by your attention to detail in the dance section with Reg in the story. It’s a rare man indeed who knows much of jack about dancing, though not unheard of, that ought to have been an important clue if I’d paid closer attention. I can imagine the swing-dancing, but alas, I personally can’t dance to save my life. le sigh Not modesty, I’ve simply forgotten everything I might have once learned way back in highschool. You do, however, strike me as very Brittish. Please consider this to be a compliment on my part. And to note an aside, I -adore- Brittish accents. I am further humbled that you could have accomplished so much in writing while being in the state of single-parentdom.

Lastly, thank you indeed for the links regarding the multi-choice menu, though I’ll need to check them out at a later point. Overall the only thing the story really lacks is more story. XD As in, it’ll be great when you finish it, I think.


#18

This was really fun to read while listening to swing. I really really adore the 1920s/30s vibe (the slang is just ducky!) and your writing is really imaginative and lively. All the characters are interesting, especially B00P-D33T, you did so much in such little time :dizzy_face: Congrats on 1st place, you definitely earned it!!


#19

Sure, that works too!


#20

It’s B00P-D33T!, with an exclamation mark.