@295Phoenix@ms45@Crystaliza@Lizzy Thanks guys! Hahaha. Keep your feet down! And if you actually want to help, it would be niceif you could tell me any choices you think I could add? Was there anywhere you wanted your MC to feel a certain way? I’ve been in the mood for flavor text, so literally anything anywhere is useful.
Also if anyone is good with tenses they should let me know if I wander out of present. I’m so awful…
@Uniqueth Thank you, you’re too kind! I like simple things
@Adam_VanCleave_Perro It’s not, you know, hardcore spoiling! Like I haven’t told anyone about the Lady! Or the Roses! Or the Smoking Isles! Or OR OR…
@Kunabee1 SAME, SAME. I will take your luck and I’m glad you like your personality options. Always feel free to ask for more!
Honestly I think this is the area you least need help with. The high saturation of choices and broad variety of possible reactions makes it extremely easy to drop into the role of the player character and identify with her. There wasn’t any point where I couldn’t react the way I wanted.
As I said, I was very quickly enthralled, to the point where it was rather jarring when the game ended.
I was making a little joke about something iris said a few days prior while also kind of saying how I’d like to see more of the story before they spill much else.
Okay it’s good now. Note to self-- upload variables as well as scenes to Dashingdon!
edit ;; or not lmao. I honestly don’t know why it’s not working. I’ve uploaded all my files? It checks out of randomtest? I’ve got to sleep though. I’ll figure it out later…
Your writing is always just so exquisite; it drives me bonkers. In a good way though. I really love how the dad is trying his best and it really doesn’t work. And frankly, I want to do everything I can to protect Sina. She’s my darling little sister and I want her to be happy.
I loved being able to be less afraid and more like “Oooh what’s this?” As someone who thinks all animals are cute and adorable I like being able to feel more fascinated by everything than afraid.
I did have one issue though. I thought the beast was a recluse in the original fairytale? It seems weird to me that he would leave his home. I’m sure you have your reasons though!
Question: how old are the sisters, and the protagonist? Edit to add: actually how old is everyone?
A Beauty and the Beast retelling! One of my favorite fairytales!! <3
So without further ado demo 1:
[details=Summary]Beauty is a practical minded huntress who is very strict and serious but cares about her family more than anything. She tries not to think about her past life and its comforts as there is simply no point in dwelling on the past when there is so much to do today. Somehow it seems that she has become the authoritarian figure in the household so much so that even her father listens to her when she commands something to be done. She’s a bit peeved about her family’s lack of thoughtfulness (i.e. not leaving her food to come home to, forgetting to check on their current stock of supplies like chopped firewood). She is especially peeved with Yiana who is old enough to get things done without having to be told to do so, she just lazes about the house doing nothing anyways. Beauty wishes her father would be more level headed about his choices as his risk taking was what got them into this mess in the first place. She can’t find it in her to resent him though, his risk taking was what earned him his fortune in the first place and he does always try his best afterall, unlike Yiana. When he asks what each of his girls want before he leaves, Beauty asks for something useful in case this doesn’t bring in as much fortune as he hopes. Beauty tries not to show it, but she worries about Sina. Her sister is taking the adjustment to their new situation the hardest and is prone to crying fits. Beauty can’t help but hold the girl until she calms down.
It was a relief when her father came home, Beauty could only pray that the voyage went well, but clearly from his visage something was wrong. She was confused on where he managed to find a rose at this time of year, were they even in bloom? Her knowledge of plants was more of the forest variety. Beauty tried to push down a whirlwind of emotions as she listened to her father’s recounting, but she was sure that the disappointment reached her face while she cradled the unasked-for rose. She knew her father’s luck was bad but a plague? Death? It was as if the heavens themselves were against him and her sisters by association. Beauty felt hollow as she listened to Yiana’s angery voice and her father’s apologies. Just as she was about to get up to go to bed and just sleep the disappointment away, the tiny house’s door burst open to reveal a man who couldn’t be anyone but the Sorcerer and a snowy creature, with a narrow muzzle and a twisting, bristly tail. The whirlwind of emotions, the disappointment, were all replaced by pure and utter confusion. This Sorcerer, this beast-- They’re characters from a different tale, pulled into the wrong scene. Beauty could hardly believe that they were there. There had to be some mistake.
Beauty felt a chill run down her spine when she heard her father speak as if she had met the man before and tell him that she and her sisters were all he had. Whatever brought this all on, there could be no mistake that the Sorcerer and beast were there for a reason and it couldn’t be a good one. What had her father done now? Yiana was angry, Sina looked terrified, and her father was a blubbering mess. Beauty was about to speak up to try and defuse the situation when the Sorcerer opened his mouth instead. It was either him or death. He said it so calmly, not a single feeling on his face. Beauty wondered if she had misheard? The situation seemed more and more surreal. She was only sure of one thing, she would protect her family or die trying.[/details]
I’ll do one or two more playthroughs in the future. I just want to say that you did and amazing job for a demo. I felt the emotions of my character. I honestly felt like she was a previously big sister who suddenly became the mother of 3 children and wanted her father to step back up to his former pride and glory without setting her expectations too high. Also the Sorcerer scene was very well done. I tried to avoid taking words from your work and putting them into my summary, but I actually felt that that was something my character would say/think.
“This Sorcerer, this beast-- they don’t belong in your tumble down shack. They’re characters from a different tale, pulled into the wrong scene. You can hardly believe they’re here. Do you believe they’re here?”
and
“He says it so calmly, not a single feeling on his face. Could you have misheard?”
[details=Summary]My Beauty less serious as she is tired, since she puts all of her energy into doing what she can for her family despite struggling with severe depression. There was a time when she was considered an odd girl, one whose thoughts were filled with daydreams and fantasies, and an intense curiosity about the world. She wanted to be a writer, but ended up working as a scribe to make ends meet and take care of her family. She struggles to be hard on them, because she doesn’t like to get on anyone’s nerves, so she’s a bit of a pushover, and she does everything she can to help them, to the point that she deeply considers marrying the mayor despite her lack of love for him. She loves her father far too much to feel any sort of anger towards him, and she’s effectively forgiven him for what happened despite how sad she is. Despite having always asked him for interesting things when she was young, nowadays she asks for nothing, because there are things far more important to do than wish for small trinkets.
She was not afraid when the Beast–a large monster with frightening claws and teeth–and the Sorcerer came. Confused, yes. Surprised, definitely. But most of all, she was fascinated. It wasn’t every day this sort of thing happened![/details]
Also, another question to add to my age question: how tall is the sorcerer?
And if you actually want to help, it would be niceif you could tell me any choices you think I could add? Was there anywhere you wanted your MC to feel a certain way? I’ve been in the mood for flavor text, so literally anything anywhere is useful.
I anticipate your next update
