The Badlands Series Interactive Novel (WiP) (Update Chapter 4 Finished (24 September 2015)

Hosted Games Works In Progress
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Hello COG players

JVM here, I’m introducing my new game called The Badlands: The Tournament

It’s a game set in a complex world different from our own. With a corrupt government and a corrupt system. Where the leader sees his subjects as little more than his play things, and currently the MC a virtual nobody from virtually nowhere is forced to play the games that is imposed on him in order to better his society.

I’ve spent several weeks creating this world that MC finds himself in, you can read all about the game and this world at the website I have created below.

------> www.badlandsseries.weebly.com

UPDATED LINK:
https://dl.dropbox.com/s/xirhzknipd3mn5y/The%20Badlands_%20The%20Tournament.html?dl=0

I appreciate any and all feedback from you guys, but I would prefer any spelling, and grammar mistakes found to not be reported. I wont these kind of things till the end of the game, instead let me know if the game reads comfortably, and if the game is enjoyable and interesting so far, after reading it if there is anything that you would like in the future chapters let me know. And especially throw any questions about the world itself towards me. The more questions I answer about the world and the game the more defined I hoping it will become. I’ve created a pretty elaborate thing here I think, now I need your help to sharpen it, and edify it into a truly awe inspiring epic tale that i know it can be! So anyways quit reading this and go play the game already!

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Spoilers if you haven’t played the chapter yet!

I love starting off as the king having him killed rather quickly. Most of the CoG games start and remain with the main character, (though I can think of a few exceptions) and this was a nice twist right at the beginning that set up the exposition in a more interesting way than just reading “oh the king was killed, betrayed by his most loyal advisor.” This made is more personal, so good job :slight_smile:

I find it slightly unbelievable though, that a usurper would not have some sort of contingency plan to deal with an unwilling army, like threatening their families to force them to serve. It might not make them willing, but it’s hard to believe he wouldn’t do something other than threaten them with execution to ensure they kept on working for him.

Figuring out the character’s name and gender would be better placed when we are being introduced to the MC themselves, as it is, you have us naming our province, then naming and choosing a gender for the MC, then giving us more exposition on the Badlands. It would flow better if the name and gender part came after you’re done giving us all the info on the town, before we choose the first big event that happened to the MC at age 5. Also, will this event affect our stats? Or were you already planning on doing that but just have not put it in yet?

It also might be interesting to put in a choice after that event, like letting the MC decide how they feel about it and that will affect their stats as well as their compassion vs ruthlessness bar. For example upon finding the dead body you could feel sympathy, be frightened, only have a morbid curiosity, or be scornful and believe they deserved their fate. When someone breaks into your house you could feel terrified, you could wonder why they had to steal because you would have helped if they’d asked, furious and want revenge, or furious and want to protect your family.

Maybe rephrase, “The next great event for your life in The Badlands came five years later…” possibly saying something like “The next significant event of your life” instead. You could also put a phrase before it, highlighting how boring and generally uneventful life was for the MC, then say that phrase. It would flow a bit better, make the transition of 5 years of time a bit smoother.

It might be better if the relationship bars in the stats section don’t have people’s names listed until we meet them (I’m not sure how this is done, but I’ve seen it in a lot of other games)

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In this passage rephrase the “Now these both me, and these friends of mine” bit, it’s a little confusing.

The demo seems great so far! I can’t wait to see what else you come up with :slight_smile:

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@alliebee thanks for the feedback this is exactly the type of stuff I am looking for. I’m kinda new to writing so wording and things are something I have a tough time with. I hope to grow as a writer as the story progresses I’ll get right on this things that you mentioned

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Love how its structured you do have some grammer errors but that didn’t take away from the experience good job will we have other participants into the tournament. Keep up the good work. I’ve seen that we have about 8 choices of RO’s and seen a princess

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@jcusunshine Yes there will be others as well, Each team in The Tournament Mayr be comprised of five members to be eligible to participate, I’m actually working I their introductions right now

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@JVM Starting the game as the King is an unusual twist, Is the MC supposed to be the reincarnated King Augustin or something like that?

Anyway, I strongly suggest a page break after the “your body drops…” line.

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@WulfyK The MC isn’t a reincarnation, I just thought that it would be an interesting way to introduce the history of the story, and like alliebee said make it more personal

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My first time ever commenting a WIP, I usually just read the comments. I really like the story. Keep up the good work… :ok_hand::ok_hand::ok_hand:

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This was very well done! Im excited to see where this will head consider me a fan.

I found a bug when you’re chosing your last name. Grey comes up as one of the options for the Last Name i pick it then it askes me if i meant Scott i click no then the grey choice changes too scott. Read it super fast but im looking forward to play through again and take my time when i have my next break . :smile:

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Thanks for all the feedback guys, I really appreciate I’m working on all the bugs and stuff y’all found, and I should have the link updated by the end of the week.

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Love the plot and story so far, but lots of mispelling and grammar errors, also is the choice for the King really necessary for the story?

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I find the king plot very interesting, I rarely come across something like it but I like how you integrated it into the story. And with our Gift powers how far could it go, like if we are weak we throw rocks and if strong cause a earthquake?

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I love the story and its potential, and I had my own mini freakout about the X-men name choices. There are many grammatical errors and typos, and if those are fixed this will be a very solid story!

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The story is unique never across something like this ,keep it up

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To create a spoiler, use [ spoiler ] This is the spoiler. [ / spoiler ]

Without the spaces, it looks like this: This is the spoiler.

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I appreciate the feedback guys

A few things
I’m working on some of the more egregious spelling errors and such.
Your powers (if you choose) will grow steadily along with your skills. And they don’t give you control over the earth, they just let you manipulate things using a force produced by your will. (Think star wars)

@Tlud I was hoping somebody would recognize the names lol!

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So, the power is Telekinesis?

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Seems more like the the MC is using the force and lord koh is the emperor using force lightning …

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@Tlud basically except the power doesn’t come from your mind

@TheMarshalAdmiral I i net never thought of it that way before but I guess so lol

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Chapter 2 is now up and available it’s not completely done about 80% but you get to meet all of your teammates for the tournament.