This story will definitely be worth checking out in the future.
This can become something.
To be honest this didnāt really catch my eye at first, but fuck dude/dudette, itās good!
I do really want to see more background on the Alchemists. Like, what powers do they have? What does the Emperor get out of helping the Alchemists? Just a little background that although might seem dumb, makes the game just soooo much better!
Definitely keeping an eye on this, itās got potential.
Updated again after a brief few hours of coding issues (Solved thanks to the eternally helpful people who visit this forum)
The options with your friends are in, the options where you are alone are not
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Canāt wait to make a potion that turns everyone into chickens!
ā¦We WILL be able to make that potion,right?
Right?
I was thinking unicorns ā¦ a potion to turn everyone into unicorns, then once they grow old, we can call them glunicorns and send them all to the glue factory.
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How about a potion that turns you into a half chicken half unicorn hybrid?
ITāS A MASTERPIECE.
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Will be watching this with keen interest.
My immediate first thought is that we have you are throwing us into the politics way too fast. You give us one paragraph about changes before we get to decide on our opinion of the Emperor. That kind of choice needs to be set back several choices - like maybe after our childhood, and after we have had at least a little time to absorb what the empireās like.
Also, it makes no sense to say that āthe emperor is good butā¦ā and have that raise your rebelliousness. That whole choice needs to be reworked, I think. I canāt see how idealism has anything to do with oneās opinion of the emperor.
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I agree that I need to rework that choice (It was meant to be you assuming the best in someone, but the worst of their regime), but the politics coming in first are important for the long term so Iāll try to modify the entrance.
The prologue is now finished, barring edits to the introductory paragraph.
This could be really good. I was already intrigued after the demo ended. I would give a little more incite of the political situation in order to determine the playerās political preference.
It was an indent error that erased the choices.
Itās fixed now, and Iāve updated the intro as well. Iād like peopleās opinions the background it gives compared to the prior one.
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I accidentally forgot to replace the *goto placeholders for most of the alchemical choices in the prologue. Thatās fixed now.
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I have to say I loved the start of this game. The premise sounds extremely appealing to me so I hope you manage to finish what appears to be a long project. Good luck. Iāll definitely be keeping an eye on this. 
@Gavorn wow! Itās exciting to see your WIP playtest up so soon after you were asking for help ā I donāt mean this as an insult, but rather as a compliment.
Iām so happy for you!
Iām going to make some comments as I go about my first impressions, okay?
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- Iāve noticed that you prefer large paragraphs over shorter paragraphs. I can appreciate that, but it is easier to read (and it looks better formatted in the mobile version) when broken into shorter paragraphs. I usually make mine no longer than four sentences.
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- After choosing āthe Emperor is good, but his policies are badā, the first sentence is āMany may consider you to be an idealist, however you personally detest the Emperorās rule.ā <āthis doesnāt make much sense to me. My character likes the emperor but disagrees with some of his policies. I may just be misunderstanding the sentence, but it did strike me as odd.
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- I like the option to play as peasant/noble/alchemist. It reminds me a bit of Choice of Rebel. Nice to see a different origin story for characters, from time to time.
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4 being born under signs reminds me of Morrowind and Oblivion (and, to a lesser extent, Skyrim, though Skyrim uses the Stones rather than the stars). I think the benefits might be too big, though; but I donāt blame you for making them so. It would be difficult and probably pretty annoying to code ācan use a speed boost once per dayā or somethingāit would involve a lot of temporary variables and such.
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5 I really, really like how youāve done character creation. It is very poetic, rather than boring (like my own
) I also like the Germanic-influenced names. I speak German, and itās always exciting to see names I get to use my oft-forgotten German accent for 
Also freckles! I have them myself, yet I always forget them! Thatās definitely not a feature I see often. -
6 However, you may want to refer to What about PoC, because there were a few comments about people being off-put by overly poetic descriptors for skin tone, also, is there a lore reason that thereās only three skin tones, or was that just for simplicity?
Overall, I think this is a REALLY great start, even if it only really includes character creation. Thereās a good deal of substance behind the creation process that made it quite fun for me.
Questions:
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Will romance options be gender-flipping (since you had the reader select a sexual preference)? EG: for people interested in only females, the romance options will be all female; for those interested in only males, all male; etc.
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Does the path you pick in the beginning have a major impact on plot or just on how people treat you (like if your parents happened to be minor nobles in Life of a Wizard)?
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Will this game focus more on interpersonal relationships or on fights? Or, if not fights, then on puzzles? I ask this because of how many stats related to character creation there are. In some games, the stats almost never get used. Iām quite interested in seeing how they will be in this one.
HOPE YOU DIDNāT MIND THIS GIANT POST OF WORD VOMIT. It really is an awesome start (aside from the difficulty with readability. Maybe itās just meāIāve had eye surgery on both eyes, so itās difficult for me to read blocks of text), and I will definitely be on the look out for more!
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In no specific order ;
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While Iād be lying if I didnāt say that a small pool of skin tones made it much simpler and easier to do, itās also meant to be a slight nod to the fact that Agrinand is a region where almost all foreign influence has been eradicated and prevented in the last century thanks to both of the most recent emperors having all ways in and out sealed. Agrinand is also a place where youāre more likely to see people with twisted ideas of purity, if they reacted with so much bloodlust to Alchemists itās probably pretty easy to guess what happened when foreigners first came into the scene.
However I will strive to correct the issues people might have with overly poetic skin descriptions, I wanted a sort of fantastical feel to the creation and hope that it didnāt come off as me fetishizing skin color. -
I agree with the statement that my paragraphs are perhaps a bit too blocky. I usually keep mine centered around four sentences as well, but I didnāt in this case because I rushed them out as a proof of concept to get opinions and I will definitely reformat them.
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The boosts from the stars are more meant for the fact that after initial character creation youāre less able to impact your core stats as much. Thatās not to say theyāre locked in, but itās to focus on the fact that your developmental age is more or less over, you can still improve but youāre not in the prime for it.
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Romance will be a mix of gender-flipping and static gendered ROs. There are some important people that wonāt change gender, but for the most part youāll find an equal amount of options.
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The path you choose will have some impact on what youāre able to do. EG ; If your peasant finds a small group of dissenters, he might have an option to teach them how to better utilize farm tools for fighting thanks to his background, while a noble would either be shunned by the dissenters for not being a ācommon manā or be able to effect morale instead of preparation.
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I really do need to fix that option with the emperor.
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Itāll focus on interpersonal relationships with a bit of puzzles thrown in. Because the story in question is going to focus on the politics of Agrinand in a time of turmoil, itās going to be less focused on your singular ability to fight but rather your ability to lead and figure out the smart way to do something.
Edit Iāve updated the paragraphs with more linebreaks, and Iāve changed the skin descriptors
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maybe you could add a intelligence option in your chose your parents section for wisdom. maybe something like your parents where scholars and they told you about science in bed instead of fairy tailes and that you heared part of science lectures while visiting them.
My opinion, but wouldnāt that be a bit complicated to write?
Oops. Sorry little birdā¦ My bad.
Sorry for the day without an update. I found a few errors that I had to fix (It was impossible to get the bad path with friends in the forest, but thatās been fixed) and figured out the code needed for the first choice in Chapter 1