Hello everyone,
This is my first post here about my first game Starways Saga. I’ve been a fan of COG and Hosted games for a while, but I’m new to this forum. I think I started this project in late February, early March and it’s’ come a long way but has so much more to go.
It’s a sci-fi story set in future where interstellar travel has boomed and human civilization has spread across the galaxy. The Alliance Navy keeps the peace, patrolling the more populated systems. But in the Far Reaches, outlaws have free reign. For decades independent star pilots have journeyed to these distant systems in search of adventure. Fighting pirates and slavers, these adventure seeking star pilots become the stuff of legends.
You have dreamed about becoming a star pilot yourself since you were young. But you need the skills, experience and most of all money to make your dream happen.
Choose one of four, totally unique paths to find all you need to chase you dream. (Only the merchant path is playable at this time)
Enlist in the Alliance Navy.
Sign on as crew on a massive Colony Ship.
Join up with a Merchant Guild frigate.
Work at the premier Ship Building companies in the galaxy.
Currently it’s around 20% to 25% complete with about 150k Words. This is perhaps an overly ambitious project and I can’t accurately estimate when I will complete the next path. I plan to make the paths around the same length as the merchant guild path. The closing chapter, where you start you career as a space adventuring, star pilot will completed after the remaining chapters. The closing chapter should offer a satisfying conclusion, but will leave plenty of room for a future sequel.
Content warnings for:
Violence
Crude Language
Drug and Alcohol Use
Sexual Content
Page 1 of prose and I’m into it. 150k for a first demo post is insane, and although I’m only a little ways in, I want to say you’ve created a believable world. Sometimes, you know, people create a fantasy or sci-fi world that feels a bit like established tropes stacked like a Jenga tower. This, however, feels like it has personal elements to it, and both those and the tropes have been thought through.
Suggestion: please use line-breaks in the dialogue! Here’s where I first felt the need for them:
One of the first thing’s I noticed was that you make long winded bodies of text. You should try to break theses up more so they’re more digestible.
That goes for choices as well, you don’t want them to be too long, just short and concise. It might look smaller on computer, but on mobile its alot to take in.
And I don’t know if it was just because of the choices I made, but the demo ended pretty abruptly for it to be 150k words.
But I do like what you have so far, keep up the good work👍
This is more of a reflection on me than the story because before I have even read anything, seeing a first page that has 7 paragraphs and almost 600 words of text before any choice or even a page break always has me feeling slightly anxious that I am about to be subjected to something that should have been a novel instead.
Once again, not saying that’s actually what this story is, but first impressions and all that.
150k words is amazing for a first post. You should definitely put the word count in the page title like sooo many other projects have. Would attract more readers
Garin Lark captained the first starship to leave the Milky Way and journey to the Andromeda Galaxy. What he found there was a bloody civil war between two factions of a alien empire. They put aside their differences in fear of us encroaching humans and the galaxies went to war. Billions died on both sides.
One of the pitfalls of both scifi and fantasy is the danger of setting a backstory so cool that people want to read that story instead.
I’ve noticed a few typos here and there. Are you open to typo reports and feedback for rewrites right now or are you more in the first draft get everything done first phase?
I would say the one thing I am noticing so far are the large blocks of text that could easily be broken up by a choice or two. For instance when being introduced to the crew you could easily insert how you (the MC) reacts to the introductions. Are you confident and brash? Are you shy and reserved? Do you stick your hand out for a hand shake, eager to make friends? Do you give people a stoic nod and remain silent?
Even if none of these things affect any stats (though if you want to make an amazing project they could and then use those stats to influence how the MC reacts to things in the future) they allow the reader to inhabit the character and have a sense of ownership of the story. IF is a collaborative art form between the author and the reader and at the moment I am feeling like I am having a story told TO me, rather than being a part of the story.
Also there is a bug in the merchant route that stops forward progress.
@Optimal_Crisis still playing the demo but noticed aomething that is weird wheb it gwts to the point asking about the book. I choose the first option to take it with me on the merchant ship. Yet the very next page has me putting it back and saying mom will look after it.
Hey everyone,
I’ve appreciated everyone’s feedback and positivity so far. I’ve been working out some of the bugs and errors you’ve pointed out. I’m also working to add saves to the game and spacing out some big chunks of text.
I also want to clarify that the merchant path is the only path available to play through right now and is complete (at least as a draft). When your sister asks what you have planned for the future, select the merchant option or the game will be very short for you.
This is kind of like an origin story. On each of the paths you gain skills, experience and money needed to go become a star pilot. In the last chapter you will buy your ship and take on a few contracts. It culminates with you taking on the antagonist of the game who appears in each of paths. So it’s the close of one adventure and story line but there should be room for much more adventures for your character. But let’s not look too far ahead, this initial project is far from complete.
