Spartan


#1

You are a Spartan warrior, you were born bred to be the perfect warrior. Your pain begun at the age of seven. You were taken away from your family and trained to be the perfect Spartan warrior. After your training was complete you returned to Sparta to find your father, King Leonidas and 300 of his guard were on their way to Thermopylae to defend Sparta and her freedom. You went with your Father and fought by his side. But something went wrong. You were betrayed, all of the Spartans died, including you father. The last time you saw him was when you were ran through with a Persian sword. When you awoke you found that you completely healed and a strange Emery pulsed throughout your body with each heartbeat
This is when your life has a demigod began. You saw the rise of the Roman empire. You fought along side Spartacus in the slave revolts. You were crucified with his men. You saw the birth and death of Jesus Christ. And you helped bring down the Roman empire. By doing this you in raged the gods, seeing you as a threat. They sent out their best and sent you down to the deepest parts of hell so you could no longer mess with there plans. You sat for thousands of years then someone or something set you free. Throwback into the human world after thousands of years or imprisonment but there is a troble brewing and the only one could possibly stop it is you. Will you hunt down your fellow gods? Or will you save the world and the very people who trapped you? What will you sacrifice? In Sparta Spartans are told to never retreat, never srender and no mercy. We’ll put that knowledge to the test.
This is just a rough draft, sorry if there’s any spelling errors. But any and all feedback would just be awesome. :slight_smile: if you have any ideas that you would like to add please share.


#2

Will you get to play through the Roman Empire and Jesus, or did that already happen when the game starts, I think the whole history would add to the game.


#3

Seems pretty good…But take out the historical link…you can be one of the 300…But not the son of leonydias…Also…woudlnt that make it the 301?


#4

I don’t intend to sound rude - Which is to say, I will, I don’t care that I will, yet you should know that it is not my primary intention - but: Do you have any knowledge of this really quite large period, beyond having seen a few films around it? Because, and don’t chafe to correct me if I’m wrong, but that seems to be a rather crude picture you’ve painted.

Exactly how familiar are you with the agōgē, or Spartan social structure in general, for that matter? I mean, I’m sure you’ll be somewhat aware of such officials as the ephors, but what of the Great Rhetra, or of the Helots? How about the actual numbers of the battle of Battle of Thermopylae, or of the wider wars with the Achaemenid Empire? Or that defending Sparta’s “freedom” would be a somewhat strange goal to have - few States being more oppressive than they? Why are you missing out the, frankly unavoidable, conquests of Alexander the Great? Or such brilliant men as Pyrrhus of Epirus in his Apennine campaign? Spartacus, I hear, might actually have been a bit of a dick, with his “slave revolt” being rather superfluously motivated - will this be covered? How clear are you on Christianity, pre-Nicaea?

Or, on the other hand, which pantheon of Gods are you going to be using? Full Grecian, Greco-Roman, or somewhat Abrahamic? Have you thought of what transcendental structure this will entail?

Because, and I’m being blunt, but you are covering a lot of very important areas, here, and if you don’t give each of these areas their due, you are going to have either somewhat irate readers, or none at all.

Which is to say, I mean to stress one simple point: Goddamnit, man, do your research and planning well!


#5

Yes and no, in my mind I have it flashing back and forth between those events and present time. There are events in present time that make the character relive all of those.
Also in the story you can choose to be a man or a woman. In Sparta they viewed woman all most equal to the men. “Because only Sparta women give birth to real men.” And at the battle of Thermopylae there was about 7,000 troops that went up against the Persian army, but your right will fix that thank you for sharing. :slight_smile:


#6

Well… That’s that, then.

I would strongly advise you do not use the film ‘300’ as a basis for anything, except maybe as a prop for a wobbly table.


#7

Its a rough draft. I wanted to get my idea out there and see what people thought and see what you mean there is a lot I missed out on. And I plan on filling in the blanks.I m thinking the Greek Pantheon would be the best because it fits in with their culture and religion. And please be has rude as you rude as you want. I want to make this a good story.


#8

So am I the Ghost of Sparta, but in a more stretched out story?


#9

Wow, that’s quite a life even before the main story begins. Personally, if your going to write from a modern point of you, I would include options on how you helped bring down the Roman Empire, maybe how you felt at Christs Crucifixion, your interactions with Spartacus, and being thrown into hell for a thousand years. I don’t think you would need to in depth, just let options choose the MCs skills or emotions. Of course if your going to use the Greek Pantheon, keep in mind the Romans had different names for them if and when your going to write from the Roman point of view if you want to be historically accurate. Of course there would need to be some romance to bring out the soft side of our Spartan Hero but lets save that for a later date.

Thats one hell of a story, good luck with the writing! When I think about this my mind goes into overload :-((


#10

Kinda I don’t want to make it sound like God of war. Your not really a ghost, your a living breathing demigod. Your mother was a greek goddess and your father was human. Demigods live has long as gods. The short story above gives you an idea about the persons past and why the way they are. Is there anything else that you have questions about?


#11

If the Gods aren’t Abrahamic, why would Jesus be important at all? During his lifetime, Jesus was one among several dozens of people preaching the same thing in the same region. There isn’t really anything remarkable about him at all until a member of the cult he created managed to convert a Roman emperor. What about things happening in other areas of the world? The Greek Gods are quite specific to the Hellenistic world. How do you deal with events happening in Asia, Africa, the Americas?


#12

… I just facepalmed for the first time in my life. 300 meets the God of War time-jumping Assassin’s Creed style? This oozes originality.


#13

This does seem kinda of a questionable storyline but im willing to try before I jump to my conclusion of something like this cant be done correctly, and perhaps just because one set of pantheon Gods exist doesnt mean others cant exist.


#14

I am here to say WRITE YOUR GAME!!! You do not need our approval. We can’t judge it based on what you’ve written above. Write your game and have fun with it. Write what you’re passionate about.

The game sounds fun.

The timeskipping doesn’t. I find flashing between two different viewpoints, past and present is confusing in a text based game.

I want to be a Spartan Immortal with a katana and a trenchcoat hunting down other demigods! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!


#15

And @Apillis gets the amusing/alarming mixed metaphor award:

“Seriously, keep it in your pants until you actually have something to… sink your teeth into”

:slight_smile:


#16

Sounds awesome really excited about how your going to do it


#17

so basically we die in the end


#18

I agree with @FairyGodfeather

I can tell you that you should do the research, that you have only a rudimentary understanding of the time-period you’re talking about, that your rather arbitrary conception of the story-arc might come to bite you in the ass and that I cringe every time you take a quote from a stylized movie adaptation of a stylized graphic novel based on a stylized film sourced from Herodotus (who loves to exaggerate his everything) as fact, but that won’t change a thing.

Ignore me and write your story the way you want it or agree with me and do the ludicrous amount of research that pedants like @Drazen and I will demand of you before you even put down a single word. I can’t say I approve of the former method, but you’re not here to seek my approval and I’m certainly not the audience you’re aiming for.

As much as it pains me to say it, if you think you should write this, write it.


#19

Don’t listen to the critics when you haven’t even written anything, yet. Such individuals seldom if ever are pleased with anything that’s produced, and will often cling their cheeks tightly to secure their anal retentiveness firmly. So, seriously, do not concern yourself with them and just write, see where it goes and how much you like it. Write first for yourself before anyone else. Personally, I’ve abandoned a couple CoGs that I’ve started simply because I didn’t care for the concept after awhile, but currently there’s a couple I’m working on now that I’m loving writing up and will post up in the next couple weeks. I’m writing it because I’m enjoying it–not for any other reasoning. So again, forget everyone else, and just have fun writing it up–don’t mind the details and the fluff, just concern yourself with the story itself.


#20

Take this for example

You are Connor Macleod, a man born in Scotland to the proud Macleod clan. You wear tartan and ride on horses while fighting your ancient enemies the Fraser clan. Killed by a Russian warlord in the midst of battle, you return to life and your family accuse you of witchcraft and want to burn you at the stake. You travel, you meet an Egyptian immortal, with a Spanish name, and a Scottish accent and he teaches you about your powers. You fight the good fight, eliminating every immortal one after the other, until you find out that you’re actually an alien from another planet, and have to do something about fixing the hole in the ozone layer or something… blah blah. I don’t know, there is no Highlander2.

So many historical inaccuracies. So much wrong with it. We’d all be laughing at the synopsis and saying “DON’T DO IT!” and what would have happened if someone listened? No hugely popular movie. Although let’s forget about Highlander 2, please.

But then take the likes of Braveheart, hugely popular movie also set in Scotland. It’s about as true to history as Highlander is.