Sionn's Children

Hosted Games Works In Progress
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@cloudian @shssay It makes since for the heir to think someone did this to him, even if it doesnt effect the story. In life we are paranoid. we’ll think that the queen wants us dead because of the way she acted even though it was the kings adviser thats having an affair with the queen. the character will make an assumption that will guide his thinking and make a personal bias, not necessarily make that person the criminal or guide the story. just the way he views all the data he collects.

does that makes since?

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When we help the door shut from the attackers and opened it I hit a bug

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Who’s Jax?

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If it has Torture,public executions and impaling I am sold!

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someones a tad sadistic :stuck_out_tongue:

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@vampierkid222 Thanks!^^

@Antitorpiliko Yes that makes sense.^^ In fact that’s what I was thinking when I first wrote out the choice. I put it in there just so players could express their opinion of things.

@817819 Jax is a mage that the PC will meet a little later on in the game.

@Player I don’t know about torture, but you should get to see the other two before the first part of the game is over.^^

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I would say tarren could do it because he may have been payed to and he could be liked and respected and convinced the gurad

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@Shssay good i felt like i might have worded that badly. I didnt understand why people had a problem that seemed like the clear intention of it. just wanted to put that out there if thats how you meant it so you wouldnt feel the express need to change it. :smiley:

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@Talon5505 Sorry I missed you earlier! I’ll look for that error and get it fixed.

@Mardam Yeah, that’s true. He has the influence, and I suppose if he were paid enough that would give him a believable motive.

@Antitorpiliko I’m glad you did. I wasn’t sure if it made sense or not.

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like the story, the setting and build up in characters great start

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I’m loving this so far. There’s a nice balance of intrigue and combat, and I liked the fact that there were immediate consequences on the stat page for most of the decisions I made (so that building my character’s skills became part of the role-playing, not a bunch of decisions I made while the story was taking a break).

Also, can I just say how much I love the war-cat? He’s like the dog in Dragon Age, but better. At least for cat-lovers like me.

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@Shssay, just got around to reading your demo, and I really enjoyed it – good work! A few immediate reactions:

  1. I’m a little skeptical as to whether first-generation gunpowder tech would be very effective against magic. In many fantasy worlds, “magic” in effect allows wizards to duplicate the reliability, speed, and destructive power of modern weapons… so Sionn’s children would essentially be harquebusiers facing the 101st Airborne. Also, they seem to be wasting their research on building guns into whack-an-enemy weapons, a fusion which never really took off in the real world for sound practical reasons. But I’m suspending any disbelief until we get to the scenes of actual magician/musketeer war and see how it works in practice in your world. :slight_smile:

  2. I agree with Drazen that the infodump from your old teacher is a lot of lore all at once and will make more than a few readers’ eyes glaze over. I’d recommend trying to shrink that to just get across the essential info – “we are children of Sionn who for some reason didn’t give us magic; your great-grandfather successfully led us out of slavery to the other godlings’ children by inventing black powder.” Then let the rest come out in the context. In fact, I think you could probably find ways to bring it all out in context, without any need for an intro scene with a crotchety professor, but that might be easier to do once you’ve written more of the story and can see where it will naturally fit in.

Some readers do of course like to get all their lore up front. In my own Choice of Rebels – which I’ll be posting for forum review as soon as I finally wrap Chapter 3 – I’ve got a second button next to Stats called World Index, which takes readers who don’t like figuring things out from contextual clues to a potted history, geography, glossary etc. of the world the game is set in. That way they can get their infodump at any time they like, and go back to it later to refresh their memories.

  1. I like that you can screw up your inheritance by being stroppy and daydreaming in the Council. But if I’m not wrong, any daydreaming in the council chamber makes it impossible for you to become heir (by greying out the correct siege tactics), which feels a little too simplistic. After all, based just on the info you heard before you tuned out, you should be able to guess that a direct assault on the Onchu would end badly.

So I’d suggest that you make it harder but not impossible to bluff your way to the right answer. Add some more tactical options, as other readers have suggested; and (if you were daydreaming) have a second choice scene where your father (or a suspicious council member) asks you to explain why you think that’s the right choice, clearly suspecting that you weren’t paying attention. If you give a good answer to the second question, you can still be heir.

And I also really like Drazen’s suggestion that you be allowed to propose peace with the Onchu – which of course will deep-six your chances of inheriting the throne, but could lead to a really interesting plotline where you try to find a way to end the war with the surviving mage clans (and end up ruling the Achimah again if you succeed).

  1. I was a little surprised that I couldn’t use my grenade in the hallway combat, even when I’d spurned Taran as a traitor and was wounded with only Spinach the war cat for company. My only choices were revolver, battle ax, and cat – when what I wanted to use was the only weapon that could take out multiple people at once before it came to close combat!

  2. It’s fun mistrusting Taran for no good reason, but I’d suggest some “payoff” that gives the reader a reason to needlessly antagonize this obvious ally. Maybe you’ve already got an idea of why a reader would choose a bad-relationship strategy with the straightforward, good-hearted warrior Taran. If not, one suggestion is to introduce an alternate, nasty mentor – Taran’s paranoid arch enemy – who will get interested in you if you treat Taran as a traitor and offer to give you training in assassin skills.

  3. In terms of who’s responsible for the assassination, you could vary that between games – perhaps in some the Queen has staged a coup, in others her lover acted first without her knowledge – but I don’t think it should vary based on a direct choice by the player, as that removes the “whodunnit” element. That doesn’t mean the player can’t choose who s/he suspects, as in your current game, but I’d keep that choice separate from who’s actually responsible.

Overall, I enjoyed the relationships between the core characters, and found the combat in the coup attempt scene gripping. And I liked my mutually antagonistic relationship with my war cat. Keep up the good work!

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Indeed, first generation gunpowder was rather bad. Cannons were originally shot for effect, for example, if I remember correctly; instead of tearing down walls, they were used for depleting morale, - by keeping people awake, one must assume.

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Good point – “harquebusiers” was a poorly chosen example, that isn’t first generation by a long shot. :slight_smile:

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What if they use there guns in guerilla style tactics.
Surprise, hit, fallback to surprise the people that gave chase,not give them a chance to use there magic.

That’s what I would do.
Open war against wizards=suicide

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@Pale_Strider, sounds from the story so far like it’s not a guerrilla war – the musketeers have taken and held lots of territory, and are on the offensive against a besieged city.

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I know the story I’ve read it it’s good.I named my cat mr mostly mittens.

That’s just what I would do if I were in that type of warfare.
But I’m the sneaky type.

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Also, before I forget, are the firearms flintlock or matchlock?

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I really like this game and I look forward to seeing it continued!

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@ice Thanks! I’m glad you’re enjoying it.^^

@PsychoCygnet I’m glad you like the war-cat; I was hoping he’d be a fun addition for most players. I always wanted to see an attack cat in fantasy stories like this, so once I decided to write one myself, I couldn’t resist putting him in.

@Havenstone I really appreciate the feedback! As far as the weapons are concerned, I should probably start by saying that I’m about the furthest thing from an expert on firearms that you can get. I’ve been doing research so that I can see if what I have in mind is possible, but there’s a lot left for me to learn about this subject. So I definitely appreciate any feedback in this area. Sionn’s children have a hyper intelligence when it comes to technology, and their research cycle is a bit accelerated, so I haven’t really thought of the gunpowder being used in the story as first-generation; more like second or third. You’ll definitely get to see how effective their technology is against the mages’ magic before the first part of the game is over.

I know what you mean about the melee weapon and gun combos…not the most effective gunpowder weapon you could manufacture, but I couldn’t resist putting them in.^^ I’ve done some research into an early form of napalm used by the Byzantines that seems promising, and I’m looking into early versions of cannons, flamethrowers, bombs, and gatling guns as I develop their arsenal. If you have any ideas for other weapons for me to look into, definitely let me know.^^

I am going to try and shorten the intro scenes with Ajix so the player doesn’t feel so overwhelmed with information in the very beginning. The idea about having a button you can click for a history of the world is intriguing! I might just decide to do that once I’ve figured out how to code it.^^

I’m currently tweeking the council scene to fix some of the problems with it. I thought that Drazen’s suggestion about advocating peace with the mages was a good one too, so I’m adding it in.^^ The council scene WAS a little too simplistic, so I’m trying to make it more complex. Your idea of adding another scene where the PC is challenged to defend their answer is a good one. I’ll probably end up doing something like that.

In regards to the grenade: you will get to use it.^^ I have it earmarked as an option for a battle a little later on…but I could allow the PC to choose to use it during the battle in the hallway, now that you mention it. It would make everything more interesting later on.

I honestly hadn’t thought about why the PC might distrust Taran, other than the fact that he was the leader of the group of guards that are trying to kill him/her. And I’d really only thought of negative consequences for that choice, but it would be interesting to add a bonus of some sort for making that choice…I’ll have to think about it a bit and see what I can come up with.^^

I’ve decided to keep the culprit responsible for the coup separate from player choice and if the player chooses correctly they get a stat boost in perception. Most people who have given me feedback on this point seem to agree that the PC’s suspicion shouldn’t change who the culprit is, so I think that’s what I’ll go with.

Again, thanks for the feedback! I found a lot of your comments helpful, and I’m glad you enjoyed the demo!^^

@Pale_Strider Some of it will be guerilla-style warfare, but a lot of it is open warfare.^^

@Drazen Flintlocks. I thought about them using percussion cap weapons, but decided that maybe that was too advanced.

@Eriedanna Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.^^