Hi Bootsykk, I will add in gender option as per your request =)
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1.âHe looks at you with eyes of fury, reminding you the time heâs beaten you once before,â should either be 1) âof the time he beat you once beforeâ or 2) âof the times heâs beaten youâ
2."âDonât worry, Iâll make this quick and painful, just like the old times.â " (personal preference) "just like the old days or âjust like old timesâ would sound better
âI left jab his stomach as hard as I could
I knee him in the stomach
I kick him in the stomachâ
these three choices had absolutely no affect on the story. you might want to remove them, as otherwise people may complain about âfake choicesâ
4.âCongradulationsâ should be congratulations
5.âMaxwell said as he walks pass you.â should be says and past or as he passes
6."âI expect nothing less on your field performance initiate.â while he kept walking" should be âI expect nothing less on your field performance initiateâ He says as he walks away
7.âMoonshine Plasma Sniper Rifle: Moonshine is a high quality sniper rifle with immense zoom capability. It is extremely useful in long range support. Itâs also completely silent, on the downside, it holds only 3 rounds of compressed plasma with a 5 seconds cool down betweenâ
(personal preference) Iâm not sure of what âimmense zoom capabilityâ entails(specifically that is), but there are sniper rifles currently in existence that are WAY better than you make this out to be. first off a 5 second cool down makes this gun practically useless if youâre not preforming an assassination, secondly the way you describe itâs ammo capacity makes it seem like it only holds 3 shots,and if thats the case then this gun(again)is pathetic
take for instance the AS50: itâs semi-automatic with a rate of fire of 5 shots in 1.6 seconds, an effective range of 1500 meters and 5 round detachable magazines.(there are similar guns in existence that are silent, but I didnât want to spend the whole day on wikipedia/google.
you say that humanity is at the pinnacle of technology, so why are the snipers worse
PS. i get that it fires plasma, but it would NOT be worth the trade.
8."You turn off the computer, and goes to bed"should be go
9.âFinally forced yourself out of bed,â should be You finally or Finally you force
10.âThe quick moving first person shooter games you play helpedâ should either be played or help
this was cool. I look forward to updates.
Awesome! Looking forward to it. 
Thanks, Iâll get on fixing these issues right away, I just wish IDE had spell check feature, half of the story I wrote at 2am, so Iâm not surprised I made so many mistakes. Regarding the sniper rifle, I just didnât want to make it over powered lol, I guess this came from playing games that any weapon should have some downside to it, perhaps I made it too weak, I will make some changes to the description. Thanks again !
Loved it so far like the concept and canât wait to see more!! 
Thanks, I just made another update on the game, slightly more content now and the story progresses a tiny bit more. Please be patient with me for the first mission, I want to plan the script out properly first and produce a high quality story rather than rushing it. =)
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pretty nice! Still need to fix a few minor spelling and grammar errors, but they arenât that noticeable. One of the ones I caught that hasnât been mentioned is in the technology screen of the laptop - the cloaking device is spelled âclocking deviceâ.
Take your time though! Looking forward to the first mission!
thank you so much for spotting the mistake Bootsykk, itâs already fixed as iâm typing this =)
My next update will include a save point as the story is getting quite long.
Major update: the game now contains a complex puzzle section within the mission.
Please try not to take this the wrong way, this game needs a lot of work. I would suggest holding back on submitting it for at least a while. There are lots of grammar and spelling errors and several really stilted lines of dialogue. The search for the code being totally random means itâs just a crap shoot of picking the same things until the RNG decides to let you find the number before the guards find you⌠The fact that you then actually have to remember the number and type it in is totally unnecessary and irritating. I didnât get past that point.
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Thank you for the input, as for the lots of grammar and spelling errors youâve found, I would greatly appreciated if you actually point out where some of them are. I am consistently making improvements to dialogue as well before submission. The game is far from perfect I know, but I am working diligently on it daily. As for entering the code manually after youâve found it, I purposely put that in to create more user involvement. Iâm sorry you find it irritating, but why not just go read a book if you donât like the option of typing choices manually? This is a choice game after all.
Actually, I could, but that takes some effort on my part, and youâd probably just take it as a personal insult and attack me like every other time Iâve posted in this thread. I have no desire to be insulted for my efforts. They arenât hard to spot at all, so good luck.
While I appreciate your utmost helpful guidance, I must admit my intelligence is inadequate to comprehend your advice. I urge you to provide your great insight some place else where it might be more understood.
Typos
With the ring of the bell, the trial battle begins, Todd launches himself at you like a catapult. For a split moment, you were *suprised by how such a large mass is able to move at such speed.
I stand my ground firmly, ready to defend myself with the oncoming *assult.
Itâs the year 2058, mankind has reached near the *pinicle of human technology.
Normally, a person would be startled by her, but you have gotten used to Catherineâs sneaky ways, her tiny yet beautiful thin stature allows her to *accel in stealth.
Catherine looks over to the table where Todd is sitting. You look up too, and *meets Toddâs eyes,
Those that lost the graduation battle do not *recieve an augmentation as reward.
As you sat down to eat with Catherine, you wondered what augmentation she *choose.
âI picked the leg enhancement, focusing on what Iâm already good at.â As she gulps down her food, as graceful and *plesant to look at, Catherine can still eat like a pig, thatâs something you could never get used to.
âWhatâs up guys?â Felix and Robby *joins our table.
Robby on the other hand, is a bit older than the rest of us, heâs been on *a several missions already, but you wouldnât call him a veteran yet.
This reminds you that you should *probobly go over the archives regarding the current conflicts and gears to better prepare yourself for your first real mission in 2 days time.
And a bunch more my friend, go through it with a spellchecker. Otherwise the game idea is solid
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Thank you so much jcury ! much appreciated, Iâll put it through spell check now