Let me know what y’all think pls
2 Likes
Start of chapter 8 is broken and forever loads after changes
2 Likes
I think the story feels too rushed, the pace, how fast you evolve, how relationship develop, that added to the timeskips makes what I am reading less meaningful.
There is also something weird going on, in my first playthrough I could make a tool and its use never came up, in the second I didn’t get the option to make it but I used it in combat, lol.
For clarification I have only played two playthroughs, both with the goblin. (I will focus on that route because it is the only one I have played)
I suggest not making timeskips at the start, maybe make it so in those weeks you develop the stats to your character, some relationships (I would suggest to add options to interact with the characters too, their conversations feel one sided) and explain the goblin tribe and how we interact with it (I picked healer at the start, using that knowledge to have better status in the tribe would be an example of an addition)
I also suggest to have someone explain the lore before or when it is relevant, for example I am told that the creature we fight is rank 2 but it hold no meaning because nobody has explained the ranks. Likewise I am given a skill (analyze) and I practically not use it before getting another one.
I saw that you put clarification when a stat is checked, that is nice 
. On that note one of the best stat indicators I have seen are in the vampire the masquerade games, I recommend them, maybe you would like it too.
13 Likes
Jesus. Mic drop! I absolutely love this perspective and advice! I will definitely take this into account. I appreciate you!
2 Likes
There still not many choices that effect other people fate around us. For now i only hope this not becoming another abandoned wip. Stay healthy
1 Like
I share the previous comment’s feelings. I can only imagine what a fully fleshed out and completed WIP with your writing could be. I am not one to talk, but I believe all your WIPs have great potential, and that it may help to keep you from burning out if you put all your effort in just one! Excited to see where this goes.
7 Likes
I also hope that this won’t be abandoned by you, it’s has greatest promise so far
2 Likes
There seems to be some branching problems. I tried all of the species options; despite the goblin being the only one who actually chose to take shelter in the shrine, all of the characters ended up there (the dragon obviously had no choice in the matter, so that one makes sense, but the slime and the wisp went to the herbalist). The goblin, on the other hand, had a piece about being in the goblin tribe, despite that goblin being supposed to be in the shrine! And the dragon egg, at the boar fight, was somehow in a tree without anyone moving it there?
Also at the festival, all characters ended up going to the temple and meeting the priestess, no matter what they chose to do; even the one that decided to not go to the village at all.
8 Likes
I’ll map out the continuity so it doesn’t seem too jumbled and it actually makes sense. Give me a couple days.
5 Likes
This is a lot of fun and I’m super interested in the King, villagers, and our ever observing companion. I played a wisp!
3 Likes
I love the idea of this. But now issues I noticed playing as a dragon…
The story constantly forgets that you are a dragon egg. It talks about you seeing, smelling, and eating what you find edible…which you shouldn’t be doing as an egg. It mentions you being out in the woods or in a tree or under the house, when you should be stuck sitting on the altar and blankets in Marion’s place. I have no idea how me, an egg, magically teleported from the house to the woods to fight a Boar.
I’d suggest that we start out hatching from the egg, maybe wingless. Then are taken in by the humans, and our first evolution can be our breath weapon or wings.
Also, I thought the ROs were gender-selectable. I was unable to choose their genders, if our village companions are those ROs. And personally, I want more guys then girls. 
Just feedback from the dragon path…
14 Likes
To add to that the dragon path was really boring I was expecting the option to finally go training and fighting monsters but no just stuck laying at the alter. And I do want a wingless Evo. And the Ro interactions are pretty so far and the chapters are really short but I really like the premise and I’m hoping for more customization
4 Likes
Bet I’ll make note of that going forward. I appreciate your feedback
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So is the Mc technically naked the whole time?
3 Likes
Like the revamped demo. No more hiding anymore but the world feels more lively now for the different forms we can pick. Safe to say the MC probably isn’t fooling acting like a normal monster. It was great being able to use our knowledge from our old life even if some of it isn’t useful for now. Great work
2 Likes
Probably apart from the goblin. U can’t really put clothes or armor on the others. We are a monster so our natural state won’t be revealing
3 Likes
This is a neat concept! I like it, but noticed a couple issue. First, I picked slime, and to stay under the herbalists hut.
There was a moment after fighting the boar that a character was mentioned I didn’t remember, and later it mentioned that I’d saved the life of a hunter, which I don’t remember doing or meeting. Maybe I just missed it though?
Also during the start of the festival section, it talked as if I was living in the shrine, which I wasn’t. Although it then mentioned that I was going to seek out the herbalist, and that I was sitting on a bench in the middle of town which seemed weird since I was living under her house. It also then immediately jumped to meeting the priestess at the shrine? I’m not sure why it jumped like that, but it was quite confusing. Otherwise this is a very good concept though and I enjoyed it!
3 Likes
Most of the points i would like to mention were already said before, so i guess i will just mostly repeat them. I played as the dragon, cold element one, didn’t check other paths.
First of, already mentioned schizo teleportation between a tree and a shrine as a dragon egg, it feels like every second scene i’m either at the tree or a shrine with no rhyme or reason or continuity of where i am.
There are also indeed things going on an egg shouldn’t be able to do and constant little discrepancies in the text that make me feel i’m going insane, like most fresh example is i’m sitting on a bench, waiting for Maren to appear, and in a couple sentenses priestess staring me down when i’m sitting on the shrine roof somehow, or cold breath making fire and leaving everything smelling like forge which is not how frost breath work. This is very frequent and jarring and make it a very hard read.
There are also things like creature ranks that are pointless since they are not explained or relevant and not a part of a narrative or core mechanic of it. Same with abilities, Analyze and Endure (which was first mentioned to me in a sentense “Didn’t you use Endure, the skill i gave you?” When? Why i don’t know about it?)
Second, i am very confused about blacksmith girl asking “who you were”. Why would she, a normal village blacksmith apprentice, assume i was something before being a dragon? Aren’t dragons just naturally intelligent in any fantasy setting? Correct me if i’m wrong but she shouldn’t have any clue about any of that. Same with the bard, why would he assume i am anything besides a dragon? As far as he (and blacksmith girl) know we didn’t appear out of nowhere, we were an egg and literally hatched, there is zero reason for him to link us to this isekai’ed king or even assume we are one as well.
Third, there are quite a few moments where the game gives wide descriptions like on the screenshot that completely break the immersion and reminds me i am reading a thing where i could pick a different choice. I don’t need “you are using whatever this body you, the player, picked and can use”, i am in a body of a cat sized frost dragon, what my cat sized frost dragon is using?
So far while the concept is interesting, to me it feels like a rushed and incoherent mess of ideas without a proper direction which moves way too fast and doesn’t let things stick around and develop naturally. There could be a big accent on us being a strictly WEAK creature that survives by anything but strenght whos fate is constantly in other hands, there could be a focus on ranking system and skills while we grow, there could be a focus on slow growth and evolution in general, so far none of the directions are even beginning to take shape.
I hope eventually this picks a direction and will slowly start walking towards it instead of pulling itself apart, but so far it’s not a particularly pleasant or coherent read.
6 Likes
Okay that’s a lot of solid feedback. I appreciate you
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Yeah the hunter shows after the fight win or lose. Just surprised we saved the village and survived a fight we shouldn’t have. No hunter to save cos he wasn’t there until it was over
2 Likes