You lived with your grandparents ever since you were still a child. You were told that they were killed by wild animals. You were saddened by the news, but you vow to protect your grandparents and prevent them from being harmed.
This doesn’t make any sense to me. I assume the second sentence is about your parents, not grandparents, but there’s no any mention of your parents beforehand.
Clara is one of the few people who welcome you with open hands when you first join the clan.
Should be “welcomed” and “joined” I believe.
Clara hand you a mug and pour you some wine. The noise dies down and everyone stare at you.
Hands and stares.
Everyone roar with joy. You smile and put down your mug on the table.
Roars
Time pass by quickly. You eat, drink and sing along with them. You are having a good time.
Passes.
Lots of missing “s” at the end of verbs. You gotta pay more attention to that.
The story itself is promising, though there’s not enough yet to comment more on that.
At first I thought I had some font problem or whatever and the “s” were simply not displaying for me, because usually people who have problems with “s” at the end of verbs are simply bad at English altogether. Your sentences on the other hand seemed perfectly fine, so it seemed baffling to me that someone capable of writing so well would have problems with sufixes of verbs, but I guess everyone is different.
I’ll be happy to help with grammar in the future updates, though I’m not a native speaker, so some more specific grammar problems might escape me.
Actually, you can flag this old post so the mods can merge it to your other thread.
Let me do that, actually. (The flagging, not the merging. I’m not a mod "xD)
I suggest you take away the genderless option if you’re just going to ask us to pick male or female. Or, at the very least, take out the “helicopter” part since it’s kinda sorta an offensive joke.
When I try to be anything other than a raider or a scout I get an error, and it makes me a scout anyway. The backstories are interesting, I like them.
There are lots of grammar errors that I could correct if I put in enough effort, but I’d rather not right now. Maybe later, but more importantly, the date on this thread should be 26/8 not 26/9
Having seen the old WIP, I can appreciate how you tidied things up. It’s pretty short but still fine.
As always, looking forward to seeing your progress with this
Unless he found a time machine and is strollin around through the timelines making fun of his other selves Please can you tell me who my wife would be and will I ever be the President? am gonna edit back to give grammar errors
Grammaaaaa!
The princess have been kidnapped! But the knights are not the ones who will be rescuing her this time! As an ex-criminal, you are tasked to save the princess and bring her back safely to the kingdom in exchange of clearing your name from all the crimes you have committed. But you are not alone, as your old comrades are there to help you for old time sake.
Has
Old time’s sake
You yawn widely and shook your head, trying your best to stay awake. You think about a few months ago, before you join the bandit clan.
I believe it should be better rephrased as You think back, a few months ago, how you had joined the bandit clan… Or something else
You try to not think about it, but as you grew up so does your curiosity.
did
They declined when you offered your gold as payment, stating that the Goddess always protect and help those in need and doesn’t ask for any payment.
protects. helps
He nod, but you are pretty sure he doesn’t even listen to your whole story. He grab something from a nearby table and look back at you.
Nodded
Didn’t
Grabs
Looks
He grin as he offer his hand. You shake it.
Grins
Offers
He hand you a small clipboard. It looks like a list of jobs.
hands
You look at the list. There are a few job you can do:
jobs
As a scout, you are to infiltrate a place and draw out the whole place down from your memory.
How does
Map out the entire place of course it would be from memory so no need to State the obvious
“Ah, my favourite.” Clove chuckle.
Chuckles
Clove look at you funny and shrug.
Looks
He lift an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything.
Lifts
You rub your eyes and look at her. She stop right beside you, a wide grin on her face.
Stops
She insist that you join anyway, because everyone is waiting for you.
Insists
Clara smile. She drags you to the gathering room, where everyone is sitting around the large table.
I have fixed the errors. Thanks for helping me edit! If it doesn’t bother you too much, maybe you can help me proofread the future updates? You can message me your response in private.
