Definitely a few spelling errors in there. I think the lack of speech marks works out quite well, but you may need a few more commas to ease the flow a bit.
Edit: I didn’t see my OWN spelling mistake until now. Egg on my face : D
6 Likes
Wow, I can see a whole lot of potential in this. Once it is cleaned up abit. I had to really focus to get through it because I was constantly trying to figure out who was talking. But once I got the hang of it wasn’t so bad. I’m interested to see what happens. This has left me with alot of questions. What species are there out there? How does your pack structure work? How many packs are there? Why is being a omega such a damming thing? Great work.
2 Likes
@Zanite I will definitely look into the spelling errors and commas.
@PersephoneViolet 
Thank you, i’m glad you liked it
Word this story has alot potential, and I love the concept that your doing too. Just the spelling errors mess up the flow of the story, kind of makes it hard to fully understand some parts. Plus make sure your transactions are smoother, so when you switch to when the MC flashs back to the past it dosent contrast with the present. Not saying you can’t tell when the MC does, it’s just not so clear when it happens. Otherwise can’t wait to see this story advance!
1 Like
This is a really good start! I can’t wait to see how the story develops. It got confusing at times though because I couldn’t tell who was speaking when. There were also some spelling/grammar mistake I caught. Other than that I can’t wait until the next update!
1 Like
I enjoyed it, though it was hard to follow with the lack of quotations and the fact that there was not many paragraphs.
It it definitely seems interesting. I cannot wait for more.
I could not really figure out what was happening most of the time. So sorry 
.
1 Like
@moonwalkerdragon lol it’s ok. I need to pretty much fix everything when I get some free time.
1 Like
It certainly looks like an interesting start, but as others have said, it does need to be cleaned up. I think the most important thing would be to delimit spoken sections with inverted commas/speech marks (i.e. " or '), which would be the one change that would do the most to make it more readable. (You could even use " for ordinary speech and ’ for the psychic thought-speech, just to make it even easier to follow.)
Good luck!
change Akasha to Akassa so its not completely possible and has more sumeric inspierations throwing copyright Trolls of their trail and back into mordor where they belong
I added the adult tag to the title of the topic. It’s a long first post and the actual rating is provided after the link to the game. If you remove it, I’d recommend moving the rating and warnings to be one of the first lines of the post - not one of the last.
2 Likes
Hah, never thought someone would actually go ahead and write an Omegaverse game. (I was tempted to do so once or twice myself, not gonna lie.)
It seems interesting, but it’s really difficult to read without quotation marks
In any case it’s a shame the Vampires don’t have a far too handsome King, (let’s hope the queen at least has a very pretty princely “son”) cause my mc would love him some sexy, hot and very powerful vampire boy(toy). 
7 Likes
Great beginning, I can’t wait to purify the empire in the flames of my wrath 
.
1 Like
I like it so far can’t wait for more
1 Like
I liked it so far but I have to ask is everyone in this game a Wolf? Because the entire time I was playing it I imagined wolf people.
@matt_smith Just so that we don’t get confuse, they are humans who can turn into wolfs and to answer the question yes they are all werewolf.( you, your friends and the people around you.). You can meet other species depending on what path you take.
@idonotlikeusernames No they don’t have a king 
. I was thinking of throwing the m.c into the court and have him/her have a battle against the vampire queen base on poise and wits and power. Will your malice,brains and magic be enough to put the queen on your side, or will her brains, experience and her super natural immortality get the best of you.
Then you gave me the prince idea. It is a nice trump card if the m.c can pull it off. A capture vampire Prince or princess.
That also let me to the idea that I could maybe incorporate some BOSS battles in the story. I think that would be fun!
This (mildly nsfw) wiki article can probably answer any questions you have regarding A/B/O.
1 Like
This makes so much more sense. It was the running scene that made me think I missed some. Thank you