Project Valhalla WIP (first draft 19K)

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Project Valhalla is a science fiction interactive book/game, where your choices control the course of the story.

It’s only thanks to your best friend Luna you didn’t fall into misery, she would never allow you to. The situation is complicated as the media constantly reminds you that artificial intelligence is cutting people’s jobs like a maniac hairdresser.
Finding a job has been proven to be almost impossible, going against all the applications, interviews, tests, and all the dreading processes filtered by AI the companies make you go through is not giving good results.
Everything turns upside down when she also loses her job, now you don’t have another choice but to do whatever you need to get hired anywhere. After hundreds and hundreds of tries, you receive an answer from a company working with AI. Little do you know about AI except that it is being shoved into everything and everywhere. But you can’t reject the offer, even after you start finding out more about the kind of shady research they are doing and to what extent they’ll take it, in which you’ll also have to take part now.

Features:
  • I’m working on this, my sincere apologies for the lack of content.
  • Just know that your comments are greatly motivating
  • no matter how harsh you think you could be.
Romanceable characters:
  • Luna
    • Gender: Female
    • Details: —
  • Adelaine / Braian
    • Gender: Selectable
    • Details: —
  • More in development...
    • ()

The first draft is around 20.5K words.

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You can play it here: Project Valhalla V0.1
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Though this is a draft and probably many things will be improved/modified, I’ll be hearing any type of feedback you may want to drop.

Working on:
  • Adding more content to chat interview.
  • Starting next chapter.
Revision Log
  • 0.1 (29-09-2024)
    • Luna’s name introduction happens sooner.
    • Added more worldbuilding details to interview.
    • Added more worldbuilding details in general.
    • Sprinkled some AI usage.
  • 0.0 (12-09-2024)
    • V 0.0 First draft release.
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I have to say that I’m not really into science fiction, but this is really interesting, I’ll be looking forward to this, good luck!

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Interesting premise, but I think the conversation with the AI or whoever that was needs more space/time to develop. It felt a little rushed and abrupt and wasn’t eerie so much as it felt a bit like a bad practical joke being played on the MC.

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Interesting needs more to summary

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always like games with loser mcs. luna is just too pure to let us waste away

kinda wish you learned her name before chapter 2 though all the “she” talk made us think she was either mysterious or our mom

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Haha, that sounds awesome, thanks. I don’t know if it’s a stupid idea, but I couldn’t help myself to start spitting it out. We’ll see…

Okay, nice. Those parts are sometimes the hardest to make, but I’ll try to add more to it. Thanks!

Do you mean the post summary? Like the premise of the story, or something else? Sorry, I’m not sure if I catch what you’re saying.

Oh, that’s interesting :sweat_smile: I can change that. Admittedly, I didn’t know her name until chapter 2 either :man_facepalming:
I was waiting for someone to complain about the character’s background cause I didn’t develop that part yet and I thought it was going to be more evident. I kind of thought you sleeping on a couch could be enough to establish you are crashing in someone else place, plus the way you interact with her, wouldn’t that be kind of weird to do with your mom? :thinking:

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Yeehaw, here we go lol. So first, I do sort of agree with the earlier comment about the summary maybe needing some more info. I think a clarifying detail or two about the setting (because science fiction is a broad genre) would be useful and

I wasn’t super clear on this part. Was the friend financing us? Is the friend particularly relevant in our life to the point that their job (if that’s what it’s referring to) is very relevant to us? Maybe a little clarification of why this is seemingly more important to the plot than even our own unemployment strain would be helpful. (Edit: having played, I better understand, but since the post serves as an intro and a hook to your reader base, I still stand by this.)

I also think it might be a good idea to talk about the company a little. Do we have a set job? If so, what is it? If not, is selecting our job one of the major choices/stats we can look forward to? Are there other major stats that might be interesting to potential readers? And, of course, people will want to know about romance. It’s just a thing at this point.

Obviously you want to maintain some mystery, but I think potential readers are more likely to become actual readers if you give them a little more info in the summary for them to latch onto, so in this case, I think a little more info can only be helpful.

Ok, onto the story. I made notes as I went.

There are three options see CW’s but as far as I can tell, all three are the same.

“You’re, on, the couch,” she makes emphasis on the ‘on’ word.
I’d suggest losing the commas and just italicizing on.

Did I completely miss it? What is this woman’s name?

Like I said, scifi is a broad genre and could of course include “modern day” tech/timelines, but I think this is an example of why giving more info on the setting would be useful. People are going to have their own ideas about what science fiction is and, unless you manage their expectations, they’re going to go in expecting their idea of it.

I think a bit more worldbuilding would be nice. By the time we decide how we feel about AI, we’ve woken up and moved from the couch. We haven’t really experienced any of the world–is it exactly the same as the real world? Is it “the real world but X”? There was a mention of AI diagnosing illnesses, but with no other detail, I’m left feeling like I’m making a choice my character should have way more context for.

The summary says the world is “starting to become dominated by AI” but a lot of the text is unclear about where in the process we actually are, time-wise. Some of it seems to indicate we’re at the forefront (like real life) and people are only just discovering ways to use it but other bits indicate it’s making huge changes to the world (like the diagnoses) but the character so far hasn’t even experienced the use of AI in so much as it knowing what time to set their cell phone alarm.

[we could be hitting a Plato] I think this is meant to be “hitting a plateau.”

I know interviews tend to be useless sound bits, but it does feel like the interview is taking a lot of space without giving us very much information about the world or the company (which I think is going to end up being the company we work for later?) or their product or anything. I think it could either be slimmed down, or given more meat. I kind of think this is also true of the whole intro so far; it’s not that it’s boring or anything (it isn’t!). It’s just that over several, several pages, we’ve only moved about 10 feet and haven’t learned much about the world or setting; I still don’t know the roommate/best friend’s name, for example, or what my job used to be, or how long I’ve been unemployed, or anything like that. Just needs more definitive detail or more in-world movement to show some of that detail.

[Maybe the only viable choice would be to enlist in the army or law enforcement, they seem to be quite occupied containing all the riots unemployed people have been making.] Now this is a great, interesting detail that gives me real insight into the world! More of things like this!!

Damn the email rejections were an excellent touch! Depressing AF, realistic, relatable. Just great. And it was very satisfying to delete them!!

Loved the idea of using the no good dirty rotten job board for character creation! Loved the execution of the no good dirty rotten job board too! (Did feel weird to have my sexual orientation be included in that, though; seems like it might belong somewhere else.)

[and a predisposition to die for the company in exchange for a pat on the back at most] So true. :smiling_face_with_tear:

I genuinely appreciate the option to take the kitty with me on a tour of the apartment lol :smiley_cat: It was a cute, nice moment after the depression of the job hunt, which is all too familiar.

I think the short moment we have looking out over the city is another opportunity to add some worldbuilding, just a short description of anything we might not expect, that’s different from real life, or even that’s just a novel landmark or indication of what part of the city we’re staying in (and perhaps our friend’s economic situation based on that).

I really like the way you’ve formatted the chat.

Luna. Ok. That probably needs to come earlier lol

[Do you use AI in any of your everyday tasks that you are aware of?] I, the player, still have no idea how integrated AI is in the day to day of this world, so I feel I, as the player, am lacking the context the character would need to answer. Is my character not using AI because they don’t have access to it? Or because it’s everywhere and they’ve said they hate it and are refusing it? Is it so ingrained in the world that they are using it without knowing? Etc.

I go back and forth on how I feel about the relationship with Luna in terms of whether or not I like it, but she is a very realistic character so far and the relationship feels like it has history and depth, which is great!

So overall: I do think both the intro post and the story need more details but cool concept, love and excited for scifi, feel like the relationship with Luna is a star for sure, am interested to see just how developed this AI ends up becoming. Thanks for sharing it! :slight_smile: I hope at least some of this is helpful.

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Holy fu%&#! That’s a thick feedback, Thanks! I love it.

Yes, the summary was done rushedly. However, I feel I’m an idiot when trying to make one without spoiling the heck out of the whole plot. But I see what you mean about science fiction being a broad topic. I didn’t specify the year or any relevant information to elucidate things about the world, so I’ll try to improve that.

What do you mean by a set job? You are unemployed… or are you talking about the job you’ll get in the future?

Okay, yeah, I skipped that part. For now there will be 2, but I think I can add more, I’m still in an early developing phase.

I’m sorry, I didn’t get that. What’s a CW?

No, don’t worry, I didn’t know her name until chapter 2 either. Already noted to fix it.

I get it, SciFi is ambiguous. This is actually thought to be as much on the real world as possible, but a couple of things don’t exist in our world so I thought SciFi was the best term to describe it. Though I don’t know if all this would stop being SciFi at some point soon, technologically speaking. I might have to hurry up to keep that category.

Noted. more worldbuilding and placement in time. I need to balance the infodump so it doesn’t become just that.

Okay, you gave me a couple of ideas that I think can fix some part of the worldbuilding you are mentioning, thanks for that.

So it isn’t working as worldbuilding and foreshadowing? I thought of giving the reader a little infodump on AI for those who aren’t knowledgable on the subject, I guess I might failed at it haha. There will be more of that later inevitably though.
On another thought, you guys don’t seem to like a little bit of mystery :joy:

Yes, yes, already noted to fix all that. I don’t mind if someone repeats and points out the same things I failed to do though cause that gives me the indication that more people had the same view about it and it isn’t just one.

Only based on personal experience :sweat_smile: Mind you, you don’t even need to read them, you can skip them if you want.

I decided to put it there to avoid the character creation questionnaire and just do it in a more immersive way, but I know it is strange.

Nice! There’s no way to align text to the right afaik, so that took a while. I hope it doesn’t mess up on the different devices.

Ohh, that’s interesting. Can you expand on what are those things you like/don’t like? That sounds awesome, thanks!

Yes, for sure I’ll be working on all that.

Glad to hear that. Be prepared for plot twists :wink:

Absolutely! I love to hear the reader’s thoughts, Thanks for giving it a chance and for taking the time to gift me with all the feedback.

pd: Do you readers like author responses? Do you see it as a way to excuse my failures/reasoning over your opinion? Or you just wait for me to take notes in silence and work on things on my own? Do you like/prefer the two-way interaction? I’m curious to know.

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Like, if I lost my job today, tomorrow I’d still be trained as a cook, so I’d probably be looking for jobs related to that. So does our character have a skill set that will be relevant in the story/developed by stats? A story about an AI engineer who used to be a retail clerk is going to be different from a story about an AI engineer who used to be a software developer, which is going to be different from a story that lets us choose whether to be an AI engineer or a PR person at an AI firm. Giving people insight into their past will clue them into what kinds of stats they might be working with as well as give the character some history and depth in the world.

Content Warnings. You have a choice menu on your first page that is

  • see content warnings
  • see content warnings
  • start
  • see content warnings

And all three options seem to lead to the same page, so I think you only meant to have

  • see content warnings
  • start

It just isn’t optimized for the amount of read time/pages it has.

That’s not the issue. I’m not telling you to spoil the whole story in the first 20 pages, I’m just saying that

  • more people are more likely to give it a chance if they see a feature they’re interested in on the intro post or in the first few pages, so it serves you to include features and settings like optional romance, or modern day alternate history, or destroy corporate america, or whatever. Whatever feels to you like a relevant tag in the post. And to get things set up and movement happening in the game quickly. I know it’s tricky to balance that with pacing and natural immersion and mystery, but
  • players want to feel like their character belongs in and knows the world and that requires a certain degree of information; you don’t have to put that information in this specific section, but it will only help you to put those details somewhere and I think this particular section is an excellent opportunity for you to do so in a way that feels natural and that capitalizes on the work you’ve already put in without throwing off the pacing you seem to be going for.

It’s just personal preference. It’s a specific dynamic you’ve created with the sarcasm, slightly sexual jokes, loving insults, etc and frankly I think it’s great because it’s different from the run-of-the-mill “perfectly nice and supportive and somewhat milquetoast” friendships that all seem to have the same dynamic. I’m not advising you to change it in any way, despite my personal preference that my closest friends not (even lovingly) call me “bitch.” It’s good that it’s different and that it’s developed and that Luna’s personality really has a chance to shine through in it. I always advocate for things that have real emotional and narrative impact over things that are comfortable and this is one of those times because as chafing as I, the person, might find the dynamic to be, its emotional and narrative impact is more important (to the work and also to me as a person who appreciates depth).

I can only answer for myself but yes, no, no, yes.

I strongly prefer author responses, especially if I’ve put significant time and effort into the feedback and doubly especially if the author asked for feedback to begin with. I don’t really expect writers to comment back if all I’ve said is “nice!” or “cool story bro.” But if I spend a couple hours reading and analyzing and making notes, it’s nice to get something back, even if it’s just “thanks, I’ll consider your feedback.”

I don’t see it as a way to excuse your failures/reasoning at all. I don’t see anything in your work as a failure, for one thing. But the main thing is that this is your story and it needs to be executed in a way that shapes it toward your overall vision. All I can do is read it, try to discern what you’re attempting to accomplish, and offer my thoughts on what you might tweak to get closer to what I think you’re aiming for. But I’m not in your head, so it’s 100% possible that I read a story, think the writer is trying to do A and actually they’re trying to do Z. My feedback is not going to be helpful to them (unless other people thought A like I did and the writer realizes their intentions aren’t coming across the way they want). I can also offer feedback that gives insight into what I, as a player and potential customer, might find fun or more enjoyable, (like when people ask for gender selection or more romance options) and that can be helpful for understanding your market, but again, it’s your story and if you don’t want to use any feedback I’ve given, that’s your prerogative. I’m not going to take that personally or think you failed just because you decided to consider some of my feedback, say “no that’s not what I want,” and set it aside. That’s just part of the gig.

As far as working in silence or cultivating two way interaction, I really don’t have much preference for how other writers write but I (and others) have noticed over the years that the more you interact with your potential audience, the more inclined they are to support you–through feedback, beta testing, encouragement, the financial support of wishlisting, things like patreon and kofi, actual purchases, etc. It will likely serve you as a writer of IF in particular to create a space of conversation with the people who are or will become fans of your work. That’s why so many writers recommend using other social media platforms like tumblr and discord–readers (generally) want to talk to you, talk about your game, and have that space with you and other fans.

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Oh, Okay. Yes, I didn’t develop that part. I still have to think about a bunch of things. I’ll have to fill that with something though, but I don’t think I’ll make it play a part in the story.

Ohh, that. yes. I tried to do my research about CW and spoilers and people who want to know and people who don’t. I made it that way cause I thought it could be a way to avoid an accidental skipping on the CW as the game will touch delicate things. I don’t know if that’s what I achieved besides confusing you :sweat_smile:

Okay, so all that was more infodumping than anything else for what I’m getting. I’ll have to see that. thanks for clarifying.

That’s what I find difficult to do in a balanced way also letting the reader know about stuff haha. That’s a me problem though. But I get your point, still learning all this stuff so thanks for point that out.

Oh I see. yeah, I think I don’t have that issue cause I don’t have those kinds of relationships even in real life. Besides AI, physics, astrophysics/astronomy and science in general, I also like to learn stuff about human behavior, directly or indirectly I think that that’s one thing that could have helped me to make characters this way. Thanks for fleshing that out, It’s awesome to hear it.
Pd: Btw, milquetoast, that a whole new word for me I had to look up :joy:

Okay, I absolutely agree with all you’ve said. And I can say I enjoyed a lot all of your feedback, so thanks a lot for that. I’ll be taking notes and working on stuff. You have been incredibly useful. Thanks!

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Love this WIP

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Ah, I didn’t consider this at all! I figured the interviewee was referencing the allegory of The Cave.

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Thanks! I love to hear that, despite this is barely an introduction, I hope you like the rest when it comes out.

I must say I don’t know that one. I intended to write plateau, but I didn’t know the correct way to write it and the grammar check didn’t catch it either. I already took notes and it’ll be fixed on the next upload.

I’m very eager to put more work into this project, I’m trying to finish some things up on my other WIP and then I think I will be available to put some more words in this one.

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You should read it, you may find it interesting. Basically I thought it was a reference to AI gaining sapience, which…given the end of PC’s conversation with it could have been how it was being used. If you ignore the creep factor that says that was somehow not a program but an altered human.

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That sounds interesting. Do you have a link or something? I’m finding several stuff about it but I don’t know if there is any specific you’re talking about.

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Just look it up on Project Gutenberg, it should be there. If not, look up “allegory of the cave” on Wikipedia, they’ll have plenty of links.

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Just a small update for now. Corrected some stuff and added things from the feedback.

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Okay, good news. I managed to acquire a used drawing pad, so I’m able to keep adventuring on that path again.

So, to get accustomed to the new acquisition I did the logo for this project.
(You can see the image on the main post)

I could use some opinions on it, like:

  • Do you like it?
  • How would you rate the drawing (on the overall or any aspect you may want to distinguish.)
  • Any advice from someone who knows about the subject?
  • Would you say I should be able to commission artwork with that quality? (I have no particular style yet, and all my other drawings are going to be released with my main project, so I don’t have a portfolio to show as the drawings I’ve made were only for these projects.)
  • Should I sign the images? (That’s something I always forget but I’m not sure if I should or what)
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Yo was this inspired from Detroit: become human?

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Hi

No. I just watched the trailer, I might have heard the name before but I stopped playing games a long while ago, so no. From what I saw that game is like a cyoa style where you are an android.

The last game I knew of that style (didn’t played it either but saw gameplay of it) was… let me look for it. Until Dawn, it’s even older :sweat_smile:

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