Potential Project: Cloudbank


#1

I want to gauge opinion on a potential IF I am considering writing. At this point it’s just a three-paragraph pitch, but I want to gauge interest in the concept before continuing.

The smoky crags of the floating city of Vind rest about 80 miles above the surface of Cloudbank - relatively low, almost at the bottom edge of the habitable zone. But it needs to sit almost dangerously low to collect raw materials from the hazardous lower layers of the atmosphere. Vind is an industrial hub. Its population of about 10,000 live in the tangle of floating islands and rope bridges, making ships, engines, tools, glass, and all the other trappings of civilization.

Vind relies heavily on trade and shipbuilding to import food and raw materials, so it’s probably the best place in all of Cloudbank to find what you’re looking for. You came here for one reason: To buy a ship and make a daring exploration into the hazardous northern latitudes. Legend states the ruins of the Gatebuilders, the original human settlers who built the Stargate that connected Cloudbank to the ancient homeland of Earth, still lie there.

In an opportunity that won’t come again for at least twelve years, all four of Cloudbank’s moons are soon going to be on the same side of the planet. With the tidal forces churning the storms on the opposite face, any adventurous captains will have a few months of relative calm to cross Storm Reach, explore the far side, and return with whatever leftover artifacts and advanced technology they can find. It’s a rare chance to strike it rich, become famous, or have the adventure of a lifetime.

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/44457577/cloudbank_9_25_2015.html


#2

It sounds quite interesting to be honest. It’s an original idea which has lots of potential for world building. It also oddly reminds me of the movie Pitch Black.


#3

I’m pretty interested in anything you write, whether it’s this Mages of the Empire or Gate. The demos you have posted have been solid.


#4

(This is the point where I let you know I had a drive failure and lost ~6 days’ progress on Mages and also a significant fraction of motivation)


#5

What kind of ship will the Mc be sailing?


#6

At first this reminded me of downbelowlands, but then I realized you have a good idea of looking in to. It will be interesting to see where this will go, if it will be worth seeing. Even if it’s like Kendricstone. This will be interesting to stay tuned for.


#7

Oh, man. That… uh, that stinks. Well if all the philosophy, political science, and theology in XoR has taught me anything it’s patience, and that I have natural gift for anarchy and puns… Mostly patience though.

On a serious note, I’ll be glad to give whatever feedback I can on any of your stuff. You could write a story about a lonely pickle searing for love in a middle market retailer, and if it’s written half as well as the rest of your stuff I’d eat it like a PB&J sandwich.


#8

@kaleolii A lighter than air semi-rigid dirigible with a steam engine. The useful lift fraction for such craft is much higher on Cloudbank than on Earth due to its atmosphere.
@adamthecowdog I suppose the world is rather similar to downbelowlands. It will be lower tech, though.

This much interest is sufficient. I’m writing character creation and ship selection now.


#9

Hehe, “dirigible” is a funny word.

I think your intro looks strong so far. I like the immediate establishment of the type of world and setting that the story will be taking place in, and what the player’s goals will be in the game: “strike it rich, become famous, or have the adventure of a lifetime.”

The setup is very strong - a once in a dozen year opportunity - and like Jjcb said, the idea seems like it has a lot of potential for world building.

So far I’m personally getting vibes similar to the mmo Flyff or maybe even the Disney Treasure Island movie, in that the tone seems like it might be delightfully fantastical. ( But for all I know, the story could actually lean towards scifi)


#10

Treasure Island sounds about right. The vibe I was thinking is more sci-fi than fantasy, if you can call a relatively low-tech world SCI-fi. I have character and ship creation basically done, I’ll give it a couple of hours tomorrow and upload what I have at the end of the day.


#11

You had me sold on the intro. It potentially sounds like a great game and one which I can not wait to play. Good luck. :slight_smile:


#12

Made character and ship creation. See OP for link.


#13

A-ma-zing! That was awesome! Great job so far! The world building has already started and it’s nothing short of revelation. I also like the fact that you didn’t waste time putting a choice of names in. Just write whatever you want instead of having to pass another wall which breaks imersion for me (since I always use my real name).


#14

I’d would like an option to save my silver circles when out fitting my ship, or to stop outfitting it early because I don’t like the options that are left.

Also the writting felt like you rushed it. There wasn’t a whole lot of interaction getting our crew or our expert member. It feels like you haven’t spent enough time refining and working on the scenes like you usually do. Which is perfectly fine when you are just starting on a new story, but it is something I think you should be aware of. It feels like you haven’t spent as much time on this story as with your other stuff.


#15

It has been mostly insignificantly updated, FYI


#16

I’ve found an ancient backup copy of the files I lost in the annals of Dropbox, and school just ended for winter break for me, so I will probably continue writing now :slight_smile:


#17

This game is rally interesting. Like the idea of designing my own ship and crew. Look forward to sing where this goes if your to continue writing


#18

Cool idea but watch the use of ‘stargate’ is a licensed name. Figured I’d point that out.

Beyond that looks fun.