Edit: alright, going to answer this properly now that I have a moment!
It’s honestly not that life got stable, it’s that I’m now teaching myself to work on stuff even in less-than-optimal circumstances, because otherwise I’ll never going to get anything done, ever.
So after taking a look at the prologue after the break, I realized it… needed help. Fresh eyes and all that. So, I edited lots of text, some scenes were rewritten, a couple options added, etc. All so that there’ll be a better foundation for moving forward with the story.
Sorry for ghosting for so long, but I am trying
@lliiraanna The wip looks promising. But I would suggest adding more MC stats , like stats for MC’s proficiency in all the different arts and training scenes/opportunities to level them up .
Thank you for your feedback!
By stats you mean skill stats, not personality stats, right? I believe you can already pick for the MC to spec into either Ash or Sun arts in ch1, which affects the way they fight. While I do plan to allow for a choice of specialization, eventually, this isn’t a stat-focused story and I don’t want to lock choices behind stats.
Please allow me to explain myself. The way it typically works is, say… your MC can be either strong, fast or smart. To resolve a aituation, you get three choices: one corresponds to a strong MC, another to the fast one, etc. If you choose wrong, you fail.
What I wanna do is more like… ok, you can be either strong. fast or smart. And to resolve a situation, you get three choices… and every MC version gets their own variation of how they approach each of the three choices. Basically, I want to unbind choices from the stats, if this makes sense?
An alternative to that is to create failure states that are just as interesting as winning, ala Wayfarer, but tbh I’m not sure I could pull that off. I specifically wanted this work to be on the simpler side so I could actually finish something, lol
Thank you for your interest! He should be coming back late ch2. Ch2 is also where the other two of the four MC’s companions get introduced (used to be five, but one is getting cut, alongside the original idea for ch2…), the main plot kicks off, and we stop doing timeskips.
Really, prologue/ch1 are basically setup/there to provide context to later chaps because I didn’t want to do flashbacks/infodumps… Eh… Not that I think about it, originally the prologue was intended to be a flashback, but then it grew and I went with a different setup.
Edit: put character descriptions back into the main post to explain who the “companions” are.
Actually done with the rewrite (finished editing the posted part of ch1). The available content is the same (prologue+1/2 ch1), but the word count rose to 40k words w/o code. The stuff added was mostly fleshing out already existing scenes/dialogue, though basically everything was touched up if not rewritten.
I really like this one so far! The only thing I’d like too see is the sun clan being better to us. Even if it’s all fake. It just seems like a no brainer to prefer our ash clan side when the sun clan are dicks the whole time. I’d like it too really feel like a difficult choice on which side of your heritage to claim the most.
On the Sun clan: tbf them being kind of… jerky was a part of the premise for the game. I wasn’t going for trying to make them good - though I also wasn’t trying to make them cartoonishly evil - they are very much what they are.
Alright, please bear with me, I’ll try to explain what I was going for there.
Keep in mind that you aren’t dealing with the core of the clan at all, but a single branch family (and co). But because they are on the outskirts, they feel an even stronger need to ‘prove’ themselves and ‘represent’ the clan - and keep its influence over a not-so-friendly territory. However, the core tenet of the clan is ‘strength’. They can only keep what influence they won through ‘strength’. The royal family is forceful, ergo side families are gonna emulate this, too. They are not philanthropists, they have no problems keeping their idea of order through force, or using people. But that only causes them to be even more disliked, gradually losing the influence and power that they won before. This is what’s going to come up later in the game, both in Neith’s subplot and for an MC that wants to involve themself with these affairs.
In MC’s case; to put it bluntly, they are a tool, whose Ash side is tolerated based on their (potential) usefulness. I believe I pointed out in the rewrite that they weren’t exactly abused & had a fairly comfortable life; it makes no sense to abuse someone you intend to use. Nimaat was softened compared to her version in the first draft specifically to provide a friendly Sun face, too. There’s also political maneuvering going on behind the scenes that affects how the MC is seen by the clan even if MC themself does nothing, which is actually a part of Ember’s subplot.
So the tl;dr is that this particular part of the Sun clan wasn’t meant to be nice in the first place, I guess?
I think I wanted to add something else, but while writing all this I kinda… forgot, lol. Anyway, I hope this explains why I wrote things the way I did!
Edit: I guess what I wanted to say was that regarding the Ash clan, ‘seems like a no-brainer’ is a valid point… for now. MC doesn’t really get a chance to deal with them until Ch2.
Is Wadjnes going to come back into the story? Because the idea of Nimaat being a “friendly” face is really off putting to me. Yes, I understand she’s doing what she can with what she has and isn’t an antagonist, but of the two mentors, I have to admit, I still can’t see my way to favouring her. In the game as it is now, and I understand that we’ve got very little of it, Wadjnes feels as if he treats PC more fairly, more as a person (their own person,) and less as if they’re a slate that can simply be wiped clean and re-written in whatever way is desired. It feels as if he may have once been in PC’s place or a similar one, and is quietly urging them to fight against Nimaat wanting them to give up all of who they were and become some sort of ersatz (because they can’t really be Sun Clan with Ash blood) Sun Clan guard dog. She’s doing this knowingly, and that is abhorrent to me, that she is knowingly urging a child with no other influences to turn to to assimilate fully into a clan that she will never be accepted into.
Alright, first of all, thank you very much for taking care to write this all out! It’s very useful for me to see what people think of the whole situation, because I understand that I was touching upon some potentially sensitive issues there, but it is also difficult for me to see the story from aside.
I’ll address the Nimaat issue first: the idea behind her character was actually something like 'someone who tries to do good, but ‘good’ in their understanding might not necessarily always be what’s objectively ‘good’. She’s a product of her clan; she’s meant to be flawed. So, you seeing the issues with her behavior actually means things went according to keikaku (keikaku means plan). yes I know I’m very funny
Still, I’m glad you brought that up, because it’s something I’ll need to keep in mind for writing future interactions with her. I think it’ll be easier for the adult MC to reflect on her behavior compared to their child self. (obv just as one of options, not the default)
About Wadjnes: he’s coming back in ch2, yeah. More or less reprising his role.
The first draft for the second half of the chapter is finished. Next step will be the editing/coding, which will take some time, since it’s the stage where it’s less about the ~imagination~ and more about analyzing what I’m writing. But it’ll be done.
A little preview from the end of the chapter (slight spoilers):
The fact that I read this like a week ago and I loved it but only right now I’m realising you wrote it!! Keep up the good work. Unfortunately I’m not as good as you at finding mistakes since English isn’t my first language (and I get so into the story that I totally overlook them) but I can tell you that I love the way you write.
As of today, chapter 1 is done. This adds around 22k words to the story, so the total wordcount is now 62k words.
With this, the ‘exposition’ part of the story is done… Prologue to set up the MC’s childhood, Ch1 to set up the actual main plot. There are still some small things I’d like to change/add, but for now, I just wanted the chapter out.
Please tell me of any bugs or if there’s some out-of-place text in there somewhere (due to the flavor text or variations).
I hope you enjoy
If you play, please tell me what you think?
Edit: Alright, got it, I guess… Hope this at least means there are no bugs.
Hey, this is very well-written! You have a very elegant style, and the MC have an interesting voice. There are no game breaking bugs as far as I can see, except maybe two little issues (I’ve attached the pics).
I am actually looking forward to more interactions with the priestess xD
Thank you! I enjoy working on my writing, so that’s nice to hear
I assume you mean the princess? ^^" Yeah, since you’re stuck with her for the entire chapter, I tried to make her interactions interesting. Well, the ones I like the most (like the grass bit) were mostly accidental.
At least the rest of the characters will get introduced in Ch2. And Ember. This’ll be fun to write.
Not really, but certain elements were inspired by the various Heavenly Demon manhwas. I’m kinda happy someone figured this one out!
So it’s just that: a fantasy story with some elements of it. Therefore:
Is not ‘divine’ in cultivation sense, but in the ‘god-given’ (spirit-given?) sense. Just so no one gets disappointed I like writing the MC as competent, and they’re going to grow, but this is no power fantasy.
(but I understand the phrasing is a bit misleading, so I went ahead and changed it to ‘special powers’)
@AnneWest No prob! I hope I’ll be able to balance it well enough.
I like writing the MC as competent, and they’re going to grow, but this is no power fantasy.