On Foxtrot Hill - (WIP)

Thank-you, it’s fixed now!! :wink:

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Hey guys, really excited about that chapter release and even more so for number six coming along! So because of the kinda opaque nature of some of the updates-changes to playtest- I’m here to babble about it a wee bit!

A few things things changed around for Sei and Kylie’s initial conversation and description. This part was a bit of a mess, but it should be all good now. Hopefully.

We also pretty much changed the entire tone for Jamie and a lot of the wording along his route to seem less…well…creepy/teenage fangirling over clothing and kiiiind of his personality just being everywhere. So after realizing what he WOULD NOT say, I think we got a rough idea of his actual character.

Gabriel is deepening a little bit as a character- less standing around being a quiet, kind of mother hen. Like, clucking and and everything. :chicken:

Plus, if you noticed Kylie and Gabriel are siblings!

whoooo~

long post, but welps. Anywhoo, thoughts and opinions are always appreciated and if you guys like this ramble, let me know so I can keep everyone updated. And rambled at.

adios, amigos/amigas~

  • I liked the direction of this chapter
  • I did not like the direction of this chapter
  • I dunno how to feel about this
  • I don’t know how to feel about Gabriel being a chicken
  • I want to see more…[please comment below]

0 voters

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Girl number! Score!

I do not consider this a score. (Now Jamie’s number, maybe… :smirk:)

While I’m asking questions, Mr Nells keeps asking if anyone else has any questions, but they don’t… until I finish, and suddenly Kylie has one.

“I think I know exactly what you mean…”

“Because that’s how I feel about you!”

Eh, Jamie’s cute, and a romance would be fun, but we’ve known one another for literally a day, and I don’t think he’s “part of my soul” yet… :grimacing: I’m going with “family” for now, and just hoping it’s not necessary for his romance.

Sei seems to want to investigate a structure she saw during the ride today. Gabriel is going to do some roping practice with Kylie, and Jamie has retreated to the porch to start whittling a figurine out of wood. Which one should I join?

I assume this is after we’ve eaten, but there’s no text indicating that we’ve moved on from that scene.

Everyone joins in and we smohow manage to carry the tune.

“Somehow”.

A sinking suspicion that I won’t live down the previous night’s performance settles over me.

What performance? :confused: I didn’t do anything particularly embarrassing.

Still, without much more adieu, we set off towards the stables.

Should be “ado”. (“Adieu” means goodbye.)

And… huh. I wasn’t expecting that. I mean, I guessed the plot wouldn’t just be about messing around with horses, but…

Anyway, I like where this is going, and am interested in seeing more. Good luck with the game! :smile:

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Thanks so much for the feedback!

We’re still working on Jamie’s route overall [because I think that scene file is actually not from chapter five, but externally referenced]. He’s been a bit of a wildcard for development, but I’m so happy you’re enjoying him so far!

About the horses bit, yeah I get you XD

This is a working ranch and that is the primary reason the player character is here. However, there just happens to be juicy things happening on the sidelines, if you so choose to look into them. Or, you can choose to be boring and do nothing. That’s entirely up to player choice and it does affect stats and other relationships later on by how you handle things and the overall pattern of behavior. Granted, this hasn’t been playtested exhaustively and well, there are major discrepancies still as well as still tweaking routes due to writing them at one time rather than how the player would see the individual timeline. Methinks revision on those individual routes will likely be in order for percentage checks, exact wording ect, ect.

For now, please consider this a working draft ^^

If you have ideas about things you would rather be doing that does not pertain to horses ect, I’d love to hear them and they just might pop up in the game/related writings. Thanks so much for the detailed review and catches, you’ll be seeing an updated version hopefully with the next chapter release! :heart_eyes::kissing_heart:

ps we need an achievement ‘Gimme ya number~’ totally gonna get all those XD

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So, small update to the WIP about the coming chapter updates pre Chapter 6 release

  1. Coding
  • cleaning up coding for each choice tree
  1. Writing
  • add more interest for each day in off time

  • This seems a bit lacking, so I’m thinking that some kind of game/puzzle/entertainment/fluffy bit would be good here

  • Character focus/development

  • getting the tone right for each character and solidifying their personality ect is a priority

  1. Editing
  • Work on the tone overall for improved reading

  • as fun as a casual tone is, there has to be some amount of effort shown on things like ambiance and scenery

  • Revision/prettying up the intro- same point as above

  • rewriting dialogue branches

  • editing chapters 0-5 for consistency

  • cull the ellipses-pocalypse

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Alrighty, chapter 0 character creation/opening is in the clear! @Bjorked and I just edited it for better flow and ambiance, so let us know what you guys think~ Super excited to be more active as a part of the writing team ^^ hopefully, the change is a good one and there are no obvious gaps in writing style.

  • I like this edit
  • I liked the game better before
  • The style really changed-but I like it
  • the style really changed-but it’s not a good thing

0 voters

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On Foxtrot Hill WIP
The place for all the hot tracks that help inspire the game!
I know the game makes more than a few nudges at popular media of different sorts, so here’s the list for all the things that well…were fun, but not included directly in the game, or just seems fitting, etc.
Please feel free to suggest nice tunes-official when possible and as safe for work as possible-

  1. Fast in My Car- Paramore

  2. Roxanne- The Police

  3. Trouble- Cage the Elephant

  4. Tear in My Heart- Twenty One Pilots

  5. Jamie- Weezer

  6. We’re Going to be Friends- White Stripes

  7. Girls- Widowspeak

  8. To All of You- Syd Matters

  9. Girl Like You- Smithwesterns

  10. Crying- Roy Orbison

  11. Great Gig in the Sky- Luna Lee (Pink Floyd cover)

  12. No More Regrets- Arch Enemy

  13. Dragon Age Origins opening OST 1- Inon Zur

  14. Autumn Breeze-JIDA ft. Rachel Lim

  15. Genghis Khan- Miike Snow

  16. 90 Degrees- Ladytron

wheew! That was a huge list, but we got way more where that came from :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

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Will read it again tomorrow ( it’s 3 am here and I need to get some sleep ) to see the changes.

Welcome back @Bjorked

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Aww, thanks! Looking forward to it :wink:

Really like this WIP! :smile:
Only issue I had, as I’m trying to play as myself, I wouldn’t ask Sei to teach me how to shoot. I already know how to shoot. I would just ask to shoot with her. Maybe if the player has the “everything outdoors” hobby, then they could know how to shoot ahead of time? Maybe a bad suggestion, since I don’t really know where you plan on going with the MC. I have wondered why the MC HAS to be an artist, especially since some characters (like Sei, being an LEO) aren’t.

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So glad you liked it! Thanks for taking the time to playtest, we really appreciate the feedback ^^
Actually, that makes a lot of sense, particularly for a direction that @Bjorked and I are teasing for some endings with Sei. About the artist bit, I’m not actually sure, but I think that has to do with the premise and getting to the main area. We did want the character to have a bit of their own personality regardless of player choice, i.e they seem a bit silly/carefree and very much irreverent of writing conventions and tones. However, that might be something to consider/revise. Will let @Bjorked explain better XD

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@Cowboyhooah @thumper

So, about the MC:
I wanted every MC to have at least one thing in common and that way some dialogue always applies. Also, I wasn’t sure how much of the shooting thing to include since it seems like many fans either didn’t like that bit or didn’t even choose that option in the first place.

About the shooting scene, did that feel realistic enough? I’ll be honest here, I’m just applying basic archery practice physics since that’s what I have more experience with… :confused:

That being said, I’m going to change the opening scene some more to include additional occupations, eg. a segment where you can choose to be an artist as a hobby, and maybe have the first hobby set sometime during that scene as well. (Right now, you have to talk to Gabriel to set hobbies)

I also want to change the Sei shooting scene so it’s more competition and less teaching (if you choose that option)

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I did actually really like the shooting scene! It was realistic enough for this type of story/game, I think. Reminded me of The Walking Dead Telltale scene with Clementine. Maybe keep a competitive and teaching scene, since you already have one? Like, if the player did pick outdoorsy as a hobby, then maybe they can choose to be competitive instead, and they can just have some vaguely described firearm experience? About the MC, I get what you mean about wanting them to be similar. Personally, I prefer when I can do my best to make the MC act exactly like I think I would, but it totally depends on the type of story you are trying to write. :slight_smile: Maybe, in the beginning, ask the player what activities at the ranch they are most looking forward to, or how they hope to spend thier time? That could cover most of the hobbies.

Anyhow, keep up the good work! I’ll keep looking out for any advice I could give on how to improve, but that might be hard since it’s already very good!

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Today’s writing achievement has been: update the outline/finalize happenings and events
Tomorrow’s goal: edit chapter one

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Thank-you so much for helping make the game better!

Oh my gosh, I love that game!!! I was trying to make it reminiscent without copying.

I’ll definitely change those things about the opening sequence, and hopefully you’ll see those changes soon! :wink:

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Alrighty people! Long time no see and here’s a changelog!

  1. revamped pitch for the game itself *visible in the original post
  2. minor edits to chapter 0 r.e. occupation and art
  3. major edits to chapter 1
    • general revision
      • new achievements
      • rewriting awkward bits
      • expanding the world for an immersive feeling
        * descriptions of the environment
      • character development
        * new character interactions
        * updated conversations

sorry y’all, no re released chapter one this week because of major revisions and actual writing still taking place for the chapter, but here’s hoping for the next~

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Heyo, everyone! Things are still coming along with chapter one edits! It’s been a long, grueling process with major revisions as well style revision, but we’re hard at work and nearly done! Here’s an updated changelog for this week:

  1. Even further chapter 0 edits

    1. new occupations and more descriptions

    2. style/grammar revision

  2. Chapter 1 edits

    1. expanded descriptions

    2. longer conversations/edits to content

sorry about the long wait, we have been working at this and should have chapter one at long last very soon ^^
another note, what do you guys think about adding music to some kind of station and what would you suggest as a good service for that playlist?

  • Discord
  • Dubtrack
  • Pandora
  • Spotify
  • iheartradio

0 voters

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sweet, will look into getting something like that underway. In the meantime, we’re hard at work with chapter one, so please be patient! went from 4k words there, and aiming for 6k, but we’re going by feeling as well, so it may be shorter or longer depending.

Finished with the changes to chapters 0 and 1 and added to the playtest! :wink:

To celebrate the chapter 0 and 1 re-release, here’s some ideas about working inspirations for endings!

suggestions welcome for those songs you guys would like to share ^^

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