It’s great to be able to get some tips from someone with beta-testing experience Dawn_Mason. Thanks - I’m really glad you volunteered.
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Hello Lycos117, sounds like you get a little frustrated ping-ponging between the story and the stats too sometimes.
I’m using the stats screen as a very simple events summary screen at the moment. If you had any feedback or ideas on that later, I’d really welcome hearing it.
First, you have a good flow and pretty writing. However, A cog is not a book, or not only. You can’t put a introduction WITH NO CHOICE AT ALL. After a long scrolling down in my mobile phone, more than 10 minutes, confused about if I am Ria, the consort, or just the tower. I just decided to post here my fresh thoughts. I didn’t even reach a choice lol. In official Cogs they’re obliged to put a choice with action in the first page to attract readers. The ria story is interesting but what I and many people want is control over story, and our character, and not read a eternal introduction without choice . Put some fake choices could help a lot. Now I would continue reading.
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Thanks Mara, that’s really helpful!
I guess you’re right - I need to look at the prelude again to make sure I maintain Cog reader’s interest.
Perhaps I’m not doing myself any favours with the length of ‘Blood’. I do mean it to be long - it’s 330,000 words with coding (which means maybe 100,000 for a single read through). So the prelude of 3,500 seemed appropriate.
It’s also the only section without interaction as it is literally someone else’s life - introducing some key concepts for the series, and tieing in later with the reader’s own choice driven story-line.
I’ll have a look now at how I can make the prelude more interactive, you’re right that I don’t want to alienate any lovely Cog readers! Especially those reading on phones and doing a lot of scrolling like you.
-edit
Okay, I’ve made a couple of small changes. More to come after I’ve helped my lifelong partner unpack the car. .
I like the game but i found confusing the stats. I really think you should let us choose if not normal stats as charisma, intelligence. At least a personality trait like sarcastic, blunt … That would help a lot to customize our character. My girl Goes with Ewan and make friends with him. She never like others, and will try to do whatever needed to be select as princess. Whatever Could she found anyway to kill or destroy other children chances?. Like manipulated them or poisoning them. Or make them kill each other… Her dream was being a rich princess in the court and she would full fill her dreams
I’m glad you liked it.
This is all great feedback - the stats definitely need a buff. I was thinking maybe using an ‘animals of Eris’ chart - so you could make choice based on a personality mix that would get you points towards say
- Spider
(dangerous bastard, betrayer of friends)
That way people can rpg the story a bit more the way you’re suggesting, and get a reward later in the story. And I can avoid having readers tallying numbers to work out how to maximise single stats, like say ‘intelligence’.
It might be helpful if people could come up with a few cool animals and their ‘personality traits’ so I can explore this further and post them in the thread.
On your girl going with Ewan, and secretly disliking your old friends, I must say you play with style 
I’m hoping to accommodate exactly your princess-wannabee’s poisonous mania through the series.
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Not a beta tester but here are a few animal ideas.
Dog: loyal, socially/affectionately “needy”, dislikes change.
Cat: independent, calculating and maybe unpredictable mood wise.
Snake: manipulative, silver tongued, unpredictable action wise.
Horse: hard working, skittish, naive (since horses often wore those blinds when they pulled carriages. Hope that makes sense)
Woodpecker: headstrong (get it? 
) does everything to archive their goals, freedom seeking.
Dunno if this is what you were looking for but I thought I’d give it a shot. also tried to make them balanced is the right word I guess.
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Perhaps less domesticated:
Wolf instead of Dog
Tiger - Cat
I guess there isn’t one for horse
I think Bull is a better fit for headstrong.
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I imagine my girl saying to a noble interrogating her about if she is the princess or not. She would say It doesn’t matter if I am actually THE PRINCESS . It wasn’t never the topic here. Look my pairs, stupid, bad prepared and with the political knowledge of a peasant whore. Do you want put any of them in a position of power? I on other hand… Could understand how to move in a court of intrigues. And I know help my friends. Any other of them would never rewarding loyalty."
I love the animals idea. Spider… So the black widow… It fits with my character. I selected the name Orva because the name suggests like the charming customitation choice but maybe you should make it clear. So I would never being a ruling heir I suppose in theory.
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Thanks Zsero,
The woodpecker made me laugh.
That’s a nice considered answer to the ‘animals of Eris’ question. I think you’re right about balance being important. It feels like it would be nice if the animal personalities dove-tailed but didn’t overlap, and each felt rounded, with maybe three descriptors.
I’ve seen instances of stats in other stories feeling like they’re being shoe-horned in a bit to give them a presence. So it’ll be interesting trying to categorise answers - maybe it will only be done where a choice obviously falls into one animal’s personality or another.
I speak Portuguese, so I can probably make it up as I go as far as latin is concerned 
You just add a “are” at the end of every other word, right?
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Hey Lycos117, maybe you’re right that wildness does add an exotic element in keeping with the intentions of the fantasy story.
I think I’m leaning towards a bit of a mix. Some non-domesticated, some less wild, to get different personality sets in. Especially as it might help with the avoidance of overlap I mentioned in the answer to Zsero.
Lastly, as the world of Eris has mulltiple gods, I wonder if it might be a nice touch to name this portion of the stats screen:
‘the animals of Mara’
instead of the ‘animals of Eris’. That would be after poison_mara who’s made so much effort combing through my demo and giving feedback, and for being first to post and first to comment on the demo chapters.
y’all think that’s a good idea? Does sound kinda godly. . .
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Or you could do something like Chinese calendar where you are not only an animal there is a elements and other attribute. Sorry, I am Spanish so my Chinese knowledge is terrible but A mate in school was Chinese and told me something like that I just don’t remember. But you could do you could choose being The fire buffalo because you are strong and easy to jump and impatient . I would love to be the air spider …
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Lion: Honourable, proud, cautious
Panda: Gentle, unassuming, attacks only in self defence
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Pandas are really violent and territorial with intruders, Don’t let their appearance fool you.
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Yeah I was thinking the wilderness had more of a connection to fantasy, but that said what about Greek mythological animals;
You may have to be imaginative with the meanings
Chimera
Hydra - Two faced, or many personalities.
Sphinx (Similar to the Lion and its pride)
Cerberus
Pegasus
Scylla
To name a few. But the mix also works well, I imagine a person with the wolf personality more vicious and ferocious but with the same loyalty whereas the dog be more timid in nature.
Hi Mara, I’m going to make a note of that ‘I know how to help my friends’ idea for ‘The Aegis Saga - Forged’.
Glad you like the animals idea. Hmm, a black widow could work for a seduction/betrayal type.
Does anyone know the name of that spider that literally holds its web over its head and grabs prey with it?
I’m combing through the demo as we speak, but as far as animals go, there’s Owl for wisdom… err, I can’t think of anything else, oops. Dolphins did save Dionysius’ life, so they could represent mercy, even though they’re jerks in real life. Are the animals supposed to represent only virtues, or vices as well?
On the subject of dogs, they are house pets for us now, but they were used to aid hunts for a good portion of human history, and that may be the case in the world of Eris. The myth of Cephalus and Proclis tells a story of a dog that could catch any prey chasing a fox that could never could be catch, resulting in an endless hunt until they were turned into stone and raised to the heavens.
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Thanks-are Trinnie-are
Yeah, you’re right that really does make me sound intelligent. Like some kind of neo-classical owl of Mara.
What? You don’t think so? Because if it doesn’t I’m going back to pig latin. . um. . Igpay Atinlay = -5% adegray.
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