Hello everyone! Now, this seems crazy but guess what’s back after a sudden two month+ hiatus?! It’s nobody’s favorite terrible barely half-done WIP! Praise be to the suns above! So, I kinda revamped the entire game itself in my big break and I’m just gonna list what’s new. Scroll to the very bottom if you just want of play it.
Made the Narrator more of their own character and the Narrators more of their own thing. Kinda based them off of the Recorders from Drakengard 3 and Junko Enoshima. She kinda looks like Accord (in my head at least). Her speech patterns are a sort of meta-joke, since she repeats herself a lot and uses rhymes to an unnatural degree. Aka, how I write. There are more options with her later, they’re just…long. And both fun and annoying to write.
More Alia, Kazuko and Maristela interactions
More information on the world and whatnot. More foreshadowing and HOT PLOT
More choices in general and less big paragraph chunks. I also fixed everything the comments mentioned needed to be fixed
Cleaner stats screen and now the relationships stats are set. Plus a terrible Love-Live joke.
Edited the intro for the third and final time (the only changes now would make it sound better, but it’s keeping the whole “fire and rain” thing. Plus I can use “shits on fire yo” jpeg
Kidnapping scene edits, as well as a little Chapter 1 Editing in terms of wordiness and choices. RIP hair showers (actually that was placeholder for the longest time, I just could not think of anything at the moment to replace it with)
Lomew intro is now semi-done. It’s purposely skeletal and some parts will be changed in later updates. (For those wondering, the middle and upperclass has tech up to and around the 1880s/1890s. It’s solely to this class and the royals prefer traditional lifestyles and the peasants are left in the dung ages.)
Being bald is now a potential minor plot point, so it’s no longer an option from the start. Not available yet.
Misc edits everywhere, such as changing to seem less wordy or adding more words
Of course, things are still pretty skeletal, but I’m picking at it a bit at a time. It’s a big ol’ project and my electronic child, so it’ll get done eventually. Next update will officially polish off the Prologue and dab up bigger parts of Chapter 1. I hope to finish Chapter 1 or at least get close next update. So don’t be surprised if nothing new comes up in a few months.
okay… i love the way you write the story. i almost laugh at every sentences… and im just at the prologue part lol glad it get revived. will continue to stick around. Good Luck!!
Being the less than charming prince that gets kidnapped meeting exciting monster that don’t plan on eating me. I’m just happy to break the classic stereotype, nice to meet you creatures whatever you are. Wanna play some cards?
I guess I’m nobody since this is in my top 3 works in progress and you said it’s nobodies favorite
But white hair is exlusivly for the villain, orange is for the screaming for 15 episodes uncharacteristicly bad anime heroes (gonna get flack for that reference). Purple is the real way to go if your a royal protagonist.
You seem to have aimed for Accord, missed, and flown right into Two territory. …Or maybe Dito, if we’re being honest. You’re miles away from Gabriella, too… which isn’t a good thing, considering how bitter yet optimistic your narrator tries to be. It’s like you try to hit many marks, but fail all of them.
Accords are very matter-of-fact. It’s their straight-man, cryptic interactions that contrast with the horrifying and increasingly odd events that make them both mysterious and funny. The sole exception is the novella, where at least one is excited by Caim’s weapons… and writes fanfiction about them.
Which means I find your narrator… even more annoying than I did in the first draft, to be honest. Pretty annoying. Their narration is fast-paced and babbling, with no warm up to any jokes outside what was there on the first beta.
They seem flighty and overexcited and sadistic to boot, which isn’t fun for a text-based narration with no visual cue for jokes. It feels discordant, disorganised and slapped together for the sake of a “quirky” narration.
Also it’s “Saviour” not “Savoir”, and “Princet” , “Prinxe” and “Heir” are also neutral titles.
Soul Eater would like to disagree. (Okay; technically he’s not the protagonist, but…) Or Inuyasha (who again, might not count), or the protagonists of D Gray Man and Gintama…
My point was more that the game makes a big deal of orange hair, but practically ignores white hair, which is much rarer (although still a natural colour, true, unlike purple).
Also, is MC-kun really wearing a lace cravat with leather sparring gear (and goggles)? He practically deserves to be kidnapped for that…
You know not once did I notice that till you pointed it out. Either I didn’t remember who was what gender or didn’t care about gender…I guess both is possible?
Looking back now though hmm maybe more guys will show up in the future, or maybe this was built unconsciously as a dating sim style or girl power something brain kinda derailed trying to figure this out and am grasping at anything even remotely possible
I know, because spaghetti taste good that’s why there are few guys
ROs (as of the original thread), genders taken from this more recent draft:
Dragon (female)
Sheep (crossdressing man or transgender woman, it’s not specified as the term used was the vague and extremely disgusting slur “trap”, see below.)
Slime (female)
Cat (male)
“Eldritch-sama” Lovecraftian creature (male)
Harpy (unconfirmed gender)
Lamia (unconfirmed gender, lamia is the feminine so implied female)
Lich-Succubus mix (unconfirmed gender, succubus is the feminine so implied female)
I don’t know if any of this has been changed, edited, or you know, handled a bit more less disgustingly transphobic in the time gone by since, but uh, we’ll see…
Anyway in order to have an acceptably near-equal gender ratio there should be two nb ROs and another binary RO. It doesn’t have to be like that, of course; it could be female-heavy with a male and/or nb minority, but this is just speculation.
Woah there,the term “trap” is by no means “disgusting”, in fact, it is an “endearment” term, such as putting “Chan” at the end of someone’s name (though, it could also be counted as an insult if you want to), a “trap” is someone that looks extremely like a member of their opposite sex (or gender, back in the old days it used to mean the same thing, I don’t know why somebody decided to separate the meaning), usually a very, very, very feminine male, but just because I haven’t seen the instance that it is used to describe a very masculine female doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. ( Though I don’t know how it factor in to Non-binary, transvestite, cis-gender and all things you young folks are into these days )
If you want an example of a “disgusting” slur, and only IF, there is always the Faggot/Fag, Drag Queen, and Queer slur
Nyah!
glad it get revived. will continue to stick around. Good Luck!!
