Arabic influence and some Mandarin loanwords? That’s the only thing I can remember.
3 Likes
Quite a bit of Greek, some of it by way of Latin.
4 Likes
My English teacher in high school said Shakespeare was a language by himself due to the lot of words he crafted.
4 Likes
I’m very sure there are some Filipino/Tagalog words included. “Boondocks” from “bundok” (mountain), for example.
2 Likes
He really is. His writing is so confusing, that there are modern English translations of his plays. I’m sincerely sorry for anyone who has to read him, because it’s not worth it
2 Likes
Counterpoint: “Villain, I have done thy mother.” is still the best comeback ever written.
10 Likes
There’s also:
“You are a saucy boy!”
“What? You egg.”
He stabs him.
Edit:
I found two more.
And my personal favourite:
Like, damn. Didn’t realise I qouted Shakespeare every day.
11 Likes
Welp, there goes my helmet.
This’ll come later. Or maybe, just maybe…
Phew, that was close!
This was the Star Wars snippet, meant to be at the zeroth chapter, “The Day of Sigma: When Mavericks Strike”. If you have read the Creme thread, then you will see Hannah’s timeline of various important events in the Creme series. My timeline is somewhat similar and combines her events with my Maverick Hunter stuff- everything takes place in the year 22XX instead of 17XX. For example, the aforementioned Day of Sigma- when Sigma and his followers launch a Reploid rebellion- is dated July 4, 2226.
Now on to the actual snippet. I post things here, since I’m not quite ready to launch my own thread for this game. This is part of the PC-Auguste romance scene, and also uncovers some mysteries about, and have a tense reunion with… well you’ll see. As you can see, I’m not very good at writing romance and lore in the same scene.
The Memory of September 18, 21XX
“Thank you for that dinner the other day. It was very nice of you.” you say.
“It’s fine. You’re welcome. Do you have any other place you have in mind?” Auguste asks.
“Yes, well, it’s a place that your mother visited before.” you reply.
"My mother? Well, I’ve spent my whole life doing what she wants… All right then. I would like to know what happened as well. {rel_auguste < rel_high_pass | My mother may not be especially happy about this, given that she never told me about this place, but I’ve heard good things about that place, and as a fellow Maverick Hunter, it is only necessary to uncover the truth. | I have decided to come along with you, as I support your cause, and I admire you a great deal, and…well, it would make me very happy if I would come along with you.} " Auguste looks shocked.
Later that day, Auguste and you hop into the car and drive off into the concealed, forbidden forest. Lying in that forest was a historical place so significant that almost every minded thing, be it human or reploid, knew about it. The government of the day, against some people’s wishes, decided to conserve that building. It also helped that both the owner and discoverer of that sacred laboratory were famous geniuses in their lifetimes.
You rush ahead.
“$!(name), where are you going?”
It was approaching nightfall. Auguste whipped out (their) radar and followed after you. You already are at the door.
*choice
*Try to pick the lock.
There’s no need to, since the door is broken.
You take a step. In the pitch-black darkness.
Then another.
Then another.
You fall down the stairs.
Thud!
“He got in! I’ve got to stop him!” Auguste runs towards the door until (they) trip on the stairs. You hear (their) voice and look back. And suddenly, both of you are falling down the stairs.
“Ouch! Auguste, what are you doing here?” you say.
“I should ask you the same thing.” (they) reply.
*choice
*“This doesn’t concern you.”
*set rel_auguste -rel_small_change
“Well now it does.”
You sigh. “Fine, just please don’t tell anyone anything.”
“It’s a deal. I won’t.”
*“I was wondering what’s between us| you and this.”
*set rel_auguste +rel_small_change
“That’s very encouraging of you. Come, let us proceed further in.”
*“I was hoping to show you something, and maybe you can gain from this too.”
*set rel_auguste +rel_mid_change
“If it is for the betterment of us two, so be it.”
Both of you look around to get your bearings.
“I’m impressed by how well-kept this laboratory is. It’s almost as if the owner never left.”
You go over to the table, where a capsule is lying. (page_break)
“Is that… a capsule?”
You sweep the dust over the capsule away. “Yes, it’s a capsule.” you reply. “And there’s a date written on the capsule. September 18, 21XX.”
Auguste calmly walks over to the capsule. “A date? Hmm… September 18, 21XX. Somebody must have been building a robot here.”
You sweep some more of the dust until you can see a familiar word.
Your very own name, $!(name).
Auguste’s face turns to one of surprise.
“And it’s confirmed by a name. So… this is where…” Auguste looks down.
“I was created…” Your face also turns to shock, then despair.
“Wait… What does this all mean? What’s the significance of this place that you brought me, $(name)?”
“Let me look at the date again. Yes, it’s September 18, 21XX.”
September 18th, the day (they) were first activated after the 30 year morality test had finished.
“So… today is your creation day?”
“That’s right…”
“But why didn’t you tell us today was the day you were created? We could have given you a creation day party as part of the Maverick Hunters. My mother would have approved of this.”
You clench your fist. “I don´t want a creation day party just for the sake of retiring more mavericks! Even if they are are against humans, I don´t like taking down another one of my kind! Your mother was right about me. I don’t like to fight. I don’t want to see any more Reploids die!”
"Then you can be happy for doing the thing that you thought was right. Not only that but you can still be happy that you have {popularity > popularity_mid or virtue > virtue_mid| the friends that you have and all the people you have worked with by your side…}
*choice
*I’ll kiss (their) hand.
You take Auguste’s hand and kiss it.
*I’ll hold out a hand for Auguste to kiss.
Auguste takes your hand and kisses it lightly.
*I’ll kiss (them), if that’s what (they) want.
Auguste makes a surprised noise, then lifts (their) hand to stroke the nape of your neck. (They) kiss you slow and luxuriously.
*I give Auguste a warm hug.
Auguste hugs you warmly.
Auguste’s expression grows warmer, and (they) give you a broad smile and a thumbs-up. “Happy birthday, $!(name).”
“Thank you, Auguste.”
“No, thank you, $!(name), for helping both the humans and the reploids. You’ve been a good influence on them both. You’ve made a good impression, and you’re good at doing that, obviously.” (They) nod. You continue.
“The information is in the historical archives, but I have never had access to it. Until now. I do not know who created me, but I feel that it was that hologram scientist I keep dreaming about. Because that hologram scientist speaks to me with the vibes and tone of a master- he speaks with one that has authority, of my power in his hands. It feels that like he knows my true purpose, a purpose even I don’t know very much.” At this point, you can do nothing but break down and burst into tears {poise > poise_high even for someone like you who can fight the tears back|.}
Suddenly, the floor begins to shake.
“What’s happening now?”
“Do I look like I know?”
And from the capsule, a bright light and the voice of the one who has authority. The voice of none other than Doctor Thomas Light.
"Step into the time capsule, $!(name). It does not contains upgrades, but instead a fragment of history; mere remnants of a long forgotten everlasting peace.
And you’re Auguste, aren’t you? Please enter this capsule. I do not have any upgrades I can give to you, but I can give you a wish that can last for eternity.
To $!(name), and Auguste as well, I can only hope these enhancement capsules have been used to fighting for what is right, and for what you believe in. Should you ever be hesitant about your next step, let this old memory remind you of the one true dream I wish I could ever live to see, come true…
I leave you with but one final word: Sometimes, peace cannot be achieved unless those who spread war are destroyed…"
The sound of something faintly bringing back memories from an era long lost, the sound of a familiar voice, yet knowing the truth, that the man in front of both Auguste and you is long gone, the hologram simply a recreation of a former genius the world once heralded. Let There Be Light.
5 Likes
I put your new excerpt under a cut, so it would be easier to deal with.
1 Like
Thank you very much @Eiwynn. Good luck with your project!
4 Likes
Fun part, for me he is easier to understand that many of more avangarde poets. The patterns and style it is far more similar to my spaniard heritage. I found it funny really. But probably Shakespeare is easier for a latin derived languaje than for a English modern speaker.
3 Likes
A big thing about Shakespeare is that his plays weren’t written to be read as books, they were written to be acted out on a stage. IMO seeing even a mediocre performance of the play or just reading it out loud when you’re by yourself does a lot to improve it because the structure and meter were meant to be listened to, not read quietly.
10 Likes
Well, it’s about the halfway mark of May and earlier this month I posted the second route to my story. Now, I have to create four different routes based on the previous two routes I spent this year writing. Although, I noticed that my writing speed definitely improved compared to me, last year. My goal for the month is to at least finish one route before the month ends, maybe two routes if school doesn’t get too much in the way.
Each variation is most likely going to be well past 15k words which makes it at least 50k words. It is a bit tiring to write so much and only realize you didn’t progress that far into the timeline of your story. It’s like being stuck in a loop. Regardless, I hope it works out. On the brighter side, the anniversary for my demo is coming up on May 27th, hopefully I can make a nice surprise for that date 
5 Likes
I enjoy reading Shakespeare, but the plays were definitely meant to be performed. A good performance of Shakespeare gives me chills, every time.
6 Likes
School is finally almost over. I’ve gotten bit by bit of the next scene started for my work. The chapter is much larger than I originally expected it to be, though I feel like I just keep adding shit to my to do list in terms of the game and that just doesn’t help things lol
I also don’t know whether it’s burnout from school or a really bad bout of depression for the past couple of weeks, but I’ve just been feeling a bit numb to things. I haven’t had the energy to really talk to people for more than an hour or two at a time, though I’ll have random small spurts of energy where I’m okay. It’s just really hard to write when you’re not feeling motivated or… well, when you’re not feeling emotions in general. Just sucks not being okay, and not being able to be okay even though you recognize that you’re not okay.
9 Likes
Beware of content bloat. Adding a couple of things here and there is ok and fine and whatnot, but if you’re not careful you risk it ballooning so much that it won’t get off the ground.
Hopefully you’re just tired, and a couple good night’s sleep will solve it. Hope you feel better soon, whichever thing is responsible.
10 Likes
Speaking of English and blandity: I have so much respect for Shakespeare and his use of language. (What’s the point of being a writer if you can’t make up a new word when you need one? I do that all the time.) One of the reasons why I want to write a children’s book - I could do that in Finnish and really really cut loose with the language, which is something I enjoy immensely. (I mean, I always have discussions about words in family meetings.)
In any event, have a couple of unpolished snippets. With space opera science.
Snippet 1
A couple days later, the invisible creatures attack the mess hall. And this time it is, undoubtedly, a plural: multiple people from different sides of the area are hurt at the same time. This confirms the assumption that the ship is boarded by dangerous stowaways (and also that you need to halt the docking procedure you were preparing on a Gateway, in order to not transfer them to the station).
Dangerous invisible stowaways who steal random medical beds. And access panels. And pairless socks. In one occasion, a trumpet. One would think that’d be easy to find, but no.
Snippet 2
Slowly the crowd thins, when groups leave one by one. You’re pondering your own situation, when someone taps you on the shoulder; you spin around, and see Vega standing behind you.
“I want to help,” they say.
“You’re a doctor,” you say.
“I’m a hunter. And you’ll need every help you can get.”
“They’re right, you know,” Kozlov says. “We do need help.”
“I don’t have more tacticals,” you say.
Vega taps the screen covering their right eye. “I have my own.”
“There’ll be fighting,” you say.
“I’m not a child, Repo,” they say.
Snippet 3
You move in practiced formation, eyes in all directions at once; crossings and doorways are the most nerve-wracking parts of the terrain (if you can call the innards of a ship terrain, that is) and, unfortunately for you, ships have plenty of those.
“Nothing?” you ask.
“Seems clear,” Kozlov says.
“Maybe we shouldn’t be talking,” Leif suggests.
“I don’t know if that matters,” Vega says. “They did attack the mess hall after all, and it was noisy. Maybe we should speak more loudly.”
“You mean, maybe they’re drawn to the noise?” you ask.
They shrug. “Wouldn’t be the weirdest thing about them.”
Leif spins to side and shoots. You hear a muted thud; the creature flickers to view, lying on the floor where it apparently dropped. It seems to be dark blue, and resembles a frog; a bipedal frog with sharp teeth and even sharper claws. Leif pokes it with his gun, but it doesn’t move anymore.
“Curious,” Vega mutters and kneels next to it, poking and sniffing. “It turns visible on death.”
“Are you sure it’s dead?” Kozlov asks.
“No,” Vega says. “It stopped emitting, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Besides, it’s not like you can never know for sure whether or not something is truly dead this deep in space.” Vega sniffs their claws and then wipes them clean with a wipe they pull from their belt. “But it seems probable. I’m sorry, I still don’t know what they are.”
“All right then,” Kozlov says, and you move forward. “By all means, let’s leave our flank unprotected. What could possibly go wrong?”
Snippet 4
Startled, you pull your tactical on front, replacing the map view you were focusing on. There’s a whole group of the creatures, and they’re coming right at you. “Look alive!” you say, aiming your gun, hoping there’s none behind you.
Leif shifts.
“I hate these things,” Kozlov says, shooting.
“You and me both.”
Vega bounces on one of the creatures, clawing and biting, in a tangled mess of two life-forms you couldn’t tell apart for how fast they’re moving. Leif does a short work of another, then shakes himself and spits something you’re sure you don’t want to know from his muzzle, bleeding.
“Repo!” Ekström shouts in your ear. “What’s happening there?”
“Little busy right now,” you say, aim your gun and pull the trigger.
You move back to back with Kozlov, weapons ready, while Leif and Vega keep pressure on the creatures. This seems to be a winning combination, which the crawlers apparently notice as well, since the surviving ones try to turn tail and run.
You shoot them.
Leif spits again, then shifts back to human. “Man, they taste bad.”
“Did you have to bite them?” Kozlov asks, in equal measures amused and grossed out.
“It seemed like a good idea at the moment,” Leif says, wiping blood from a cut on his face.
You turn to look at Vega, who’s still snarling at the bodies. “Hey, I think you can stop.”
Vega hisses, then shakes their head and gets back on two feet. “Whirrrrr. Nasty critters.”
"You have blood on your – " Kozlov points on their direction.
Vega wipes their face nonchalantly with the back of their hand. “I have to agree, though. They do taste quite awful. I wonder what…”
“You know what,” Kozlov says, looking at the slime spreading on the floor from the bodies. “I think I might request a transfer. This is gross.”
“Aw, but you know you love me, Sarge,” Leif says.
“Dream on.”
“Gross or not,” you say, kneeling next to the closest body you shot, “do we have any idea how many of those there are in the first place?”
“Calculating,” Ekström says.
“We dispatched a group of five,” Wibowo says. “They disintegrate quickly.”
He’s right, you realize. The corpses are already fading, but this time not only from view but also from existence, or so it seems to you at least.
“Grosser and grosser,” Kozlov says.
“Look on the bright side,” Leif says. “No need to dispatch them. Easier to clean up.”
“Apart from the slime,” Vega points out the substance still sticking on the floor as strongly as it did before. “Looks like it’s staying.”
“Maybe it just haven’t had time to disappear yet.”
Vega shrugs. “What I’d want to know,” they say, “is why they’ve been stealing. And how.”
“Shiny things?” Leif suggests.
“I would hardly consider pairless socks as shiny,” Vega says. “But you may be correct.”
“Wouldn’t that be something,” Kozlov mutters.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Attention, security team,” Commander Rosenkranz calls on comms. “Change of plans. Do you think you might be able to herd them?”
“We can certainly try,” you say. “Where to?”
Rosenkranz sends you a map marker, which seems to point to one of the empty hangars reserved for visitor shuttles. You forward the information to all various groups, which causes a mostly-collective groan among the guards – a reaction you very well understand; you’re security, not shepherds. But if it helps, it helps, so you cast a net.
“Riddle me this,” Kozlov says as you’re doing your best to draw the attention of the ceatures.
“What is it?” you ask.
“At first, they seemed to avoid us,” Kozlov says. “No thieveries when someone was present, remember? So, why did they start attacking us?”
“Maybe the noise caused them to snap?” Vega deadpans.
“Very funny,” Kozlov grunts. “I’m being serious.”
“I know. Sorry. I keep forgetting you’re not Donovan.”
“That is a good question,” you say. “For later time, though.”
You walk in silence for a moment, keeping an eye on your tacticals. The plan seems to be working, so far: the creatures flicker in and out of view on your screens, but they are going generally into the direction you’re leading them, and they aren’t, currently, attacking you.
“I think we’re here,” Leif says.
You check your map. He’s right. “Roll call,” you call in your comms.
“Present.”
“We’re here, LT.”
“ETA five minutes.”
You listen to the voices for a while, and when everyone is recognized as present, inform Rosenkranz that you’re in positions, as far as you’re able to tell.
“Guard the doors,” Rosenkranz says. “Wish us luck.”
“Break a leg, Commander,” Ekström says.
“Here goes nothing.”
Nothing happens, at least for what you can see, but the creatures’ flickering from in and out of view increases significantly and, all and all, they seem more agitated.
Vega screeches, pressing hands on their ears, and falls on the floor. Leif runs to them. Then you notice it too: a pressure in the air, more a feeling than a sound, increasing in intensity, reverberating through your skull like the world’s sneakiest headache.
Lights dim, and then you’re falling, everything is falling like you dropped over the edge and lost gravity at the same time. Then there’s a sudden pang and everything returns to normal, apart from the creatures not being there in the view anymore. Well, actually, that is more normal than having them in view, but that’s beside the point. Then your HUD alights with alarms.
“Oh, stellar,” Kozlov says. “Now what?”
Snippet 5
Vega coughs and stumbles to their feet, Leif helping them.
“Are you all right?” Kozlov asks, then sees them bleeding from the ears. “Okay, scratch that. Stupid question. Can you walk?” He thinks for a moment. “Wait, can you even hear me?”
Vega gronks. “I need to get back to the medbay.”
“Do you need help?” Leif asks.
“No, I’ll be fine.” They drop on all fours. “You probably have more important things to do.”
“If we’re going to hit a star,” Kozlov says, “our guns are not going to be much help.”
“If we’re going to hit a star,” Vega counters, “it’s completely irrelevant whether or not I’ll be able to reach the medbay. At least the crawlers got hit worse than I did, so I guess that’s a plus.”
You check your map and realize they’re correct; all of the map data comes clean (even though residues themselves of coure don’t dilute that quickly, and scientists are probably already gathering those), so there appears to be no unsanctioned critters on board anymore. Of course, Kozlov is also correct: if you’re on a collision course, your trajectory is in the pilot’s hands.
“So,” Commander Rosenkranz says in your comms. “The good news is, the plan worked better than expected. We were trying to subdue them, not force them to teleport away.”
“So that’s what happened,” Commander Sol says, via comms as well. “Bridge readings are flaring like nobody’s business. It’s a chaos.”
“Well, yes,” Rosenkranz says. “They mass teleported.”
“I guess that explains the residues,” Kozlov mutters to you.
“The bad news is,” Rosenkranz continues, “so did we.”
“Oh, stellar,” the Captain interjects. “Where did we end up?”
“Nowhere,” Rosenkranz says. “I mean, we didn’t change location, so we’re still where we were before. We just… blinked between dimensions a bit.”
“Okay so,” the Captain says, “how is that bad news? Where did that proximity alarm come from?”
“That’s,” Rosenkranz says, “connected. We weren’t the only ones who blinked.”
“Interdimensional teleport bubble,” Ekström provides. “Mass teleporters can cause that.”
“Docking procedures locked,” someone from the bridge crew calls. “Preparing hangar doors. I suggest taking cover down there.”
"Wait,’ Wibowo says. “You mean this hangar? You couldn’t have directed those ships to one the whole security crew is not currently in?”
“No can do. I didn’t pick their trajectories. We’re just playing a catcher’s glove here.”
“Brace for impact!” someone shouts, you’re not exactly sure who, and that’s the end of the discussion, since for a moment. everyone scrambles to cover with no time for anything else.
The outer doors of the hangar open, and you are treated to a front-row view of two USF patrol ships on a collision course to Producer. It’s clear from the engine flares that they’re both desperately trying to stop, but of course, they’re too close to do that. And since Producer is too large for them to change the direction fast enough, either (although the other one apparently tried, given that it’s partially sideways), the collision course is unavoidable.
Hence the catcher glove maneuver.
The patrol ships swoop in. One hits the floor wing-first, half sliding and half spinning across the floor before it finally stops. The other one is caught in the dampening field which, thankfully, spares it from hitting a wall in full speed.
For a moment nobody moves, just listening to the snapping and hissing of metal.
“You know what,” Wibowo says, grabbing a fire extinguisher and directing it to the sparkling wires of the first patrol ship, “I think we’d need medical crew here more than security, right now.”
8 Likes
Hi everyone.
It is time for me to discuss something that I have been contemplating regarding developments in these threads.
Sharing excerpts on the 15th of each month is growing into a wonderful tradition – one that I am thrilled that all of you have embraced along with me.
I started this as a way to help myself, and others, to get over the anxiety of putting our work out there.
Publicly sharing material can be excruciating to many of us, and having a safe critique-free zone where we can do this, is in my opinion, an essential part of why I introduced this practice into these threads.
I feel that the feedback element to our sharing of excerpts on the 15th should be pared back. This is not a thread to gather feedback or garner interest for a project. There are existing threads and places to post projects for these purposes.
Non-critique feedback in a brief reply is more than okay in response to a posted excerpt, but it should not be expected nor demanded of others.
Thank you, everyone, for participating in these threads month-after-month. It really does mean a lot to many people that each of you do participate.
15 Likes
This is a difficult decision I support. This is a channel for support and encouragement, not feedback. What I would love is a thread for brutally honest feedback on scenes to see if they work o not before reaching a beta stage and trying different options. But as encouragement, your 15th day is snippet day is AMAZING. I will make you a logo for it!
8 Likes
I am practicing for my next jam promo material so I made this as fun practice suggestions are welcome!
10 Likes