Lost in your eyes (WIP) [3 Ch, 210K words] [Vampires/Romance/Dark Fantasy, supernatural]

Okay, so i really like this story so far. You mentioned your spelling may not be decent, however your spelling is pretty good.

So far, the things I’m seeing are a lot of gender-swap mess ups. A lot of them.

Then there are scenes where i have no idea who is who. Is Melissa Blaine? Are they different people? There are times were it looks like one person is called by both names. And i dont see a Blaine in the relationship stats.

And there might be something messing up the relationship values and the “how they think of you” a long with how you act.

Like, i did a absolute monster run, treated Melissa like a BUG everytime i could. Relationship value hit 0% but it says “she’d die for you” and things like “you know you shouldn’t have pushed her away”.

Looking forward to seeing your progress with the story~


Get an external SSD or HDD for backups. Also sorry that you have to go through that, that sucks as it happened to me in the past as well and I had to redo classwork as a result ugh.

1 Like

Oh, it’s not just spellings, I meant bad English overall, there are a few instances that I’ve fixed which made me cringe at my writing and made me feel sorry and guilty XD But I really appreciate your kind words! <3

Vigil always uses Melissa’s last name which is Blaine, so yes, they’re both the same people.

Ah, Melissa will always think of you like that. She’s been basically ordered by Vigil to try and make the MC fall in love with them, but instead fell in love with the MC instead. But since the MC is their first love, they will always love them until you choose to break things off for good. (Which won’t happen now, but later in the game.

I did, Unfortunately since this was a new laptop so I didn’t think it’d go bananas this soon lol, but lesson learned, thanks for the advice ^-^


Sadly for Virgil it won’t happen since my Mc won’t go that far because of they afraid of going through with what happened to their parents again if they let anyone close



Update time! So I’ve decided that I’m finally going to rewrite the whole game. Now, How’s that going to work you may ask, well, it won’t be anything too bad really, I’m just changing “You’s” to “I”'s and Me’s. Why I’m doing that? Well, I’ve been reading a lot of books and trying to better my writing so you all can enjoy more, and just looking at multiple authors weave words is just making me go “Whoa” This is beautiful. So I’ve thought, “Why not try and implement that in my main book?” Now, this is a big decision to make, and it may take me a while, however, I’m not doing that RIGHT NOW. (No I won’t lol)


Well, it’s not just “ERMAHGERD MAH EXAMS” Yes, I just gave two, might fail again on that subject this semester (Man, Frick accountings :/) but my other went splendid! (I love you computer science Insert weird NSFW joke as I desperately try to make this entertaining. But also, because of my new book.

New book?!

Yes, you’ve heard that right. A lot of people may know what I’m talking about, For now, I’m focusing on my other book, which is Femboy dating simulator. I know, I know, You guys may be asking “KATHERINE YOU DEGENERATE, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?!” or “INCESSANT RAGE SCREAMING” Or even “THIS IS A CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER. HOW COULD YOU?!” But I’m sure it’ll be most likely “WOOO FEMBOYS! WILL THERE BE BUFF WOMEN THO? WILL THERE BE BUFF MEN THO??” and my answer to all that is this:

(That is if you like seeing two buff dudes in maid suits mowing down monsters hoping to win your heart.)

There won’t be all “Romance” and “MMM, Femboys (Insert homer simpsons “Aghhh”)” It’s going to be a bit more then that so yes!

Things I’ve achieved this week reviewed about 5,000 words, and made about 1200 words.

Wrote about 1,500 words in the new book.

See you guys next week!


Good luck with your new book

1 Like

How long will the hiatus be on this book? or will the development of both books happen at the same time?

1 Like

Thank you! This book has given me A LOT to learn from, so hopefully you’ll enjoy the other book if you ever give it a read. <3

Probably like a month or two, as soon as I finish up with the Demo of the other book, I’ll focus on this book and then update both of the books at the same time.


I meant to leave my thoughts for some time but never got to it. I’ve read the story up until your last big update so my feedback will be on that version (idk if you fixed some of the things I will mention in the current version).

As far as language is concerned, I think your sentences flow naturally. You mentioned in your first post that English is not your first language, but to me, it felt like it was written by someone who is proficient/native, with a few tiny exceptions. The only issues I noticed are easy-to-fix, punctuation, and capitalization issues (you have quite a few sentences that start in lowercase). 99% of the errors I’ve seen can be fixed with a grammar plugin such as Grammarly.

I’ve noticed that you do a few perspective switches during the story. I haven’t seen it done before in this medium, but it could work. I don’t know if I feel one way or another about it. The key thing is for the player to find out extra information in these types of scenes.

I find the story and the world-building a bit confusing. For example, what’s the point of the monarch if nobody knows who he is and the Bishop holds all the power anyway? Also, why are the bad guys keeping the MC’s dad hostage for so long? From what I understand, some years pass from when he’s abducted and current events. You don’t have to answer, I’m just laying the thoughts that I had while playing. My speculation would be that they need werewolf and vampire juice in order to make more paladins. I understand that you are going for a Chosen One kind of story, but it still feels a bit jarring that Vigil’s organization is putting all their trust in the MC to rescue their father.

Game-wise, I understand that you want to focus on romance and I think you made a few good decisions to highlight that. For example, I liked that the MC already has an established relationship with Blaine so it’s not too creepy to grab her butt, or that during the encounter with the werewolf, you focus more on expression rather than combat mechanics.

Overall, I think you have a solid foundation, and with a few details ironed out it can be a great story. You’ve written a lot in a short time, be careful not to burn yourself out so you can keep making progress.

Good luck with your exams! May your pen always hover above the correct answers!


Haha, thanks a lot!! I really appreciate the kind words :heart: I’ve been working hard to improve my English but there are certain phrases that I usually say/write that either don’t make sense which is why I wrote that, hoping people would be a little more forgiving :sweat_smile:

They’re mostly about how the characters feel about the MC. Blaine especially since they’re the most emotional out of all the ROs. But I’d say Vale as well. You’d find out the reasons in the next update.

Haha, the urge to reply to all these questions is extremely strong, but unfortunately, I can’t answer any of them yet. The first one I can, The monarch is basically a replacement of a bishop should a bishop get assassinated. No one will know any of them because they rather not be known. Like a secret organization that have been tasked with…something. But yes! Those are pretty fun questions that really made me go “Yes!! Someone asked them!” XD

Really? I thought I would get chewed out since I haven’t been writing a lot and have been taking a break due to exams (Jk, I’m writing in exams too, >:3) Looking at the million+ words that have been written and released by the recent books are… well, a bit jarring to say the least lol which is why I’m trying to pump out as much as I can while learning to be…the strongest writer.

Slaps knee

Any who, jokes aside, I’ll try my best not to burn myself out, but writing is like a responsibility that I’ve undertaken. If I don’t write, I feel like I’m not fulfilling my responsibilities and am not meeting people’s expectations. But yes! I will take breaks and make sure I am well taken care of! ^-^

I really do appreciate the kind words (You’ve no idea how much I smiled reading your feedback XD) So thanks a lot for making my day!! :heart::heart::heart:


Monday! Unfortunately not much to report this time :frowning:

Fixed a lot of issues with the genders being not being given correctly (Read through almost 90K words)

Added about 700 words to the book, but it was mostly editing.

I’m focusing more on my exams these days not to mention my other book so sorry again! >.<


Good Luck on your exam, I’m still waiting for this book, your writing is phenomenal. Keep up the good work, also use AI to cheat on your exams xD


Why is Alice not an RO?


Haha, unfortunately we have physical exams so I couldnt cheat even if I wanted to (Plus the invigilator is kinda cute so I don’t wanna bother him >~<)

Unfortunately Alice died :frowning:


But it said as if she was somewhere out there.
I get a feeling that we will meet her again somewhere in the story in someway.


Maybe. Who knows


Dam it. So evil teasing us like that but it will be worth it when we find out.



Fixed a few more gender mistakes
Wrote about 6k in my other book, putting it at 11K words. Will release a patreon version for it in 2 days.
Wrote so much yesterday my fingers started to hurt :skull:
Boss sent me home cause I kept dozing off kek

Goals for next week: Write 18,000 words

Pretty much it! Don’t forget to hydrate yourselves! <3



Late update! Sorry about that XD

I wrote 9K words this week, and with it the demo of femboy dating simulator is now out. No femboys yet in it, but you can meet a buff dude and a buff femboy. Anywho this month I’ll start working on this book. The plot may or may not proceed forward. I’ll be adding new choices and also adding new content as well along with a rewrite!