Larkin (WIP)

Hi Everyone! I’m a long time lurker, first time poster on the forums and I’ve been working on a new ChoiceScript game called Larkin. You can find the demo here I also have a development blog which you can find here.

Larkin is a vampire western where you play as one of the last living members of the Abrams Family, a nomadic-cult of vampire hunters that had been tragically eradicated years ago. The player character is also the long-time apprentice of Wyatt Abrams–Con-Man by day, Vampire Slayer by night, and the last living descendant of the Cult’s founder Gregory Abrams. Together you’ve schemed your way up, down and across the United States, simply trying to get by the only way either of you knows how: Killing Vampires.

All seems to be business as usual, until it’s revealed that someone has taken a hit out on the two of you, sending the wrath of the Guild, a large, loosely-organized group of vampire hunters and mercenaries, after the two of you. Without many options, the two of you take refuge in the small town of Larkin, Nevada, where the title of town Preacher is unexpectedly thrust upon you–suddenly leaving you the sole source of “morality” in a lawless town writhe with chaos and mystery–whether that be from the sudden increase in local deaths, the reclusive family that owns half the town and runs the local mortuary, or the large encampment of people calling themselves the Children of Cain just south of civilization.

My favorite narratives are those that have a heavy focus on individual character development and relationships between characters–that being said Larkin will rely heavily on both, all impacted by player choice. There are seven available romances in-game, three male, two female and two that you’ll be able to select the gender of either before the start of the game or as the game progresses. All of which are available to all players regardless of the player-characters chosen gender and can all be either befriended or made rivals of, in addition to being romanced . This is all in addition to the players own relationship with Wyatt Abrams, whether that be through the form of Mentor, Friend or enemy–or a complicated mix of the three, which will also have a heavy impact on the overall narrative as it’s developed through non-chronological storytelling.

In terms of character customization the game will include pronoun customization as well as the genre standard choice of player name, physical appearance and individual character development through a choice of several player backgrounds and the non-chronological interludes which help also with determining the player and Wyatt’s relationship.

As it stands the current 3-chapter demo’s word count is at just above 40K, with code accounted for. I’m a total noob at choicescript (and any sort of coding in general) So even though I’ve read through and played myself a bunch of times (So much so that I think I’m blind to any other existing mistakes) and I’m sure that there’s stuff I can improve on/a bug somewhere I didn’t catch.

My original plan was to continuously update the demo until chapter five–but that initial idea is somewhat fluid at the moment. For right now I just wanna focus on getting this out here and having someone other than my little sister play it lol. Any feedback would be appreciated!

Thanks so much!

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Vampire western!?!

I haven’t even read the demo yet and I’m really excited for this!

Congrats on publishing your first demo and writing 40k words! Those are two really huge milestones! :tada: :tada: :tada:

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Thank you so much!!!

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Some typos/things I noticed:

At the very least, the rain is masking your smell, something that your sweat and adrenaline output is making stronger than usual. The added noise around you however, the smattering of the rain against cobblestone, helps distinguish your own sounds from the ones around you, making your movements easier for them to hear.

This kind of threw me for a loop. How heavy is the rain? Normally if it’s really heavy it’s hard to hear what’s happening around you.

Typos

You focus on slowing your breathing now, calming your heartbeatFocusing more on slowing your breaths and calming your heartbeat more than anything else. That is until the sound of gunfire gives you pause.

Missing space between heartbeat, should be a smaller case f in focusing, and a comma after the phrase ‘calming your heartbeat’ I believe.

The tall man snorts then, “You really think that we have any chance of taking down Wyatt Abrams? Would be,General, Wyatt Abrams?” He continues to shout it from across the room, ignoring his friend’s protests.

Missing a space between the commas (?) and General.

You’re quick to slip out the way you came in,

finding that people have already begun to find their way to the streets, offering you plenty of room to disappear into the crowds.

Extra paragraph here.

Maybe you’re always this unlucky , sure.

Extra space between unlucky and the comma.

You had to fight your way out then, managing to down two of them with the last of your emergency bullets–the silver ones you always kept ready on your belt–but effectively leaving you defenseless against the remaining three,sending you on your chase.

Missing space between the comma and sending.

“This morning, that pair I was supposed to be tracking down? Well there was five of them, Wyatt.five. It was a trap.”

Missing space.

“No.” you say then, your voice firm. This is not something you’re going to let Wyatt make-up as the two of you go along, not with the Guild involved, not when you don’t yet know what you’re up against.

Should be a comma instead of a period after the “No,” you say then.

“Yeah, Alice,” He says, and you see him clench his jaw. “And every one of those times we’ve needed it. We just couldn’t make it last.”

Lowercase he in he says due to the comma at the end of the dialogue.

“And you planned on telling me this when? or was the idea just to dump me off somewhere–run off on your own?”

Missing capitalization on the Or.

“Gussy up. Y’know First impressions and all that.” Wyatt says, tossing you the case.

Should be a lower case f in first impressions.

Eye and skin color are capitalized when they shouldn’t be in the narrative.

Ran into this error when I selected that I’m mostly quiet during the ride up

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When they meet Mr. McDevitt and Wyatt pulls the rug from under the MC, every option leads to this error message:

chaptertwo line 451: Non-existent variable ‘mcdevittfriendship’
Really enjoyed the demo : )

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Hey! Thank you so much for the feedback! I think I missed the coding error in a copy-paste transfer and it should be fixed now!

In my head I just pictured the extra noise of is helping the vamps isolate the sounds of the pc’s movements–but reading it back now with your feedback I think I can make it clearer.

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Thank you so much for the feedback! I’m glad you’ve enjoyed it so far! I found the error and it should be fixed :slight_smile:

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Meeting Mr. McDevitt and picking the first option gives me this error:

chaptertwo line 439: Non-existent variable ‘mcdevittfriendship’

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…damn it. I missed the “hunters” part of the first paragraph and was very confused when it turned out I was the one being chased. I though I was the vampire :frowning:

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Got these error when meeting McDevitt:
chaptertwo line 445: Non-existent variable ‘mcdevittfriendship’

chaptertwo line 498: Non-existent variable 'stealingbutlied

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After saying good bye to Mr Nash I got the game ending error that said something about “badthoughts.”

I got an error on ch2 line 833 illegal to fall out of a choice statement when responding “apparently” to Nash’s question about being preacher

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i got this, when choosing “Preaching hardly feels like something new”

image

also; will there be saves soon?

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I got a “choicescript_stats line 37: Non-existent variable ‘clothing’” error when trying to view personal stats.

I was trying to view them at the page that starts with:
“You don’t like this plan, haven’t since he pitched it to you back in New Orleans. Something about it hasn’t felt right, a feeling that’s only gotten worse the closer you’ve gotten to Nevada.”

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@beaureguard found this:

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I’m loving the atmosphere so far.

“chapterthree line 14: bad label thief_thoughts”

On the page that starts with: “Two days after the scene in town, Nash and a party of men return back from the mining camp, toting forth more corpses than survivors, leaving you with a slew of sudden preparations to make.”

If there are pages after this one, I can’t access them at this point.

When the MC glares at the man, “his & man” are capitalized in that entire scene.
Then I get an error when I hit next on the scene where the town is informed of the mine-related incident:

chapterthree line 16: bad label hustler_thougts

My MC keeps being suspicious… I can’t help it.

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