As per the HG requirements:
You must post the game for a full public beta on the forum for at least one month prior to submission. It cannot just be a demo; it must be the full game.
Full public beta just released 12/8/2024
Link on the main post!
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I believe the full beta just has to be publicly advertised. It can still still be a restricted access beta (The Courting of Miss Bennet, The War of 2022, Dragon of Steelthorne).
Anyway, if you’re planning to submit this to HG, I’ll see if I can find some time to playtest this a few times.
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Thanks for clearing that up. I’ve got 0 feedback for the demos and no volunteer to betatest, so I’m changing strategies? 
It is already too long of a project. I want to keep moving forward and apply all I’ve learned in the next book, but first I must put this out.
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Ok, finished one playthrough, just some thoughts.
(1)
Ok, this has been said before, but it needs repeating. Genderlocking won’t necessarily tank your game, but a fixed MC will. I strongly encourage you to consider allowing players to change the name of the MC, possibly by asking them if they want to pick the default “Katewing”, or providing them the choice of a list of lore-friendly alternatives and a custom name. While the title of your game is fixed, this shouldn’t prevent you from making this change.
Note that in The Courting of Miss Bennet, you could customize your MC’s name even though you were meant to be playing as Elizabeth Bennet in the actual Pride and Prejudice book. Unfortunately, it’s just how this fanbase works.
(2)
The writing is somewhat rough. It’s within the range of readable writing, but it could use some touching up. I can’t really offer anything more constructive on this point (line editing a 340k word game is out of my range). I’ve not tried grammarly, but you might want to look into it.
I would also suggest breaking up some of the paragraphs and page sizes. I usually play choice games on my iphone, and it can be quite hard to read through if one paragraph takes up more than half the screen.
(3)
Fantasy is a popular genre in CoG town. I would suggest mentioning that you have a fantasy game in your game description.
(4)
"Yes, I'll do it."
set job 3 As your words come out a clod chill spikes through your spine and makes you shiver, merely the thought of what you are about to do feels completely wrong to the point that you are not even sure why you ask such a thing
Whatever it is, you won't stay put to find it out, so you take an arrow and shoot it at the closest one. This one penetrates through the scales and the singing stops immediately also making the sphere pop out of existence.
goto 324
The sirens seem to know best not to engage in combat against a closed group as they keep circling but maintaining a safe distance. Once again they go up and away separating from each other at the same distance across the room to begin another chant.
I suggest using control F to run through the code and ensure that all commands (set, goto, and so on) have been properly marked with an asterix
There were some interesting luck and combat minigames, which I liked. The setting is interesting and unique. There are plenty of choices to keep the player entertained, but I would still suggest to break up the paragraphs and pages to make the game easier to read as a whole.
Best of luck.
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I honestly forget abouts this. I’m glad to see this still here
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Okay, that was quick.
Done. You’re right, letting the player change the MC name shouldn’t hurt the book.
The last time I reworked the whole thing I used that tool (so it was even worse before).
I keep finding things to improve every time I re-read it, but I won’t ever finish it if I keep doing that. I guess the only thing I can do is try to keep improving my English. I appreciate the feedback though, it’s nice to have a sense of where I am at the moment, cause it is a constant learning for me.
As for the paragraphs and page size, I’ll be working on that.
The post is tagged as high-fantasy, but I added that detail to the starting screen, is that what you were pointing out?
Okay, I don’t know if you used the search method, but those two are the only ones I could find. That’s a good eye you have.
I’m so glad to hear that, thank you so much. I remember when I first started I couldn’t create anything “unique” and when I looked at what I had created a second time I realized I was just copying things that had already been created 
Still, I fear something like it has been made already and I’m unaware of its existence.
Thanks!
Yes, it’s been a while, sorry about that. Life, studying, trying to change careers and stuff get in between. But I’ve put too much time and effort into it to consider quitting an option. So maybe not so steady, but sure I’m not planning on abandoning the project.
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For the most part, the text is technically sound, just that there are some awkward or strange phrasings. But breaking up the paragraphs and pages might be a bigger thing to work on first.
I might be able to help with some minor editing next month, but not for now as I’m juggling another project under a deadline. Plus, I offered to line edit a 200k+ word game previously, and it was a nightmare towards the end.
HG will copyedit games which go up on steam, but getting that could be tricky.
Otherwise, I’m not sure. Does anyone else have advice in this department?
I meant in the game description which you submit to HG for publishing.
Found it through regular gameplay.
Good luck.
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Don´t worry, you’ve helped me a lot already. Thank you
I have no experience publishing or in any part of the process, so I’ll learn as it progresses.
Dam, that was pure luck then, good catch! 
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I’m glad to hear this
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Played again, have some thoughts.
Is the first scene with Ben a memory sequence? If yes, you might want to have some indication from the beginning.
Change of plans. I want to take a break from writing as I have just submitted my latest update. I can help you line edit the game over the weekend. Do you want that? If yes, I will copy the files from ink, make changes and reupload them.
You can tell a good story, I’ll give you that. However, writing is probably the biggest weakness in your game now. I can see what I can touch up here and there to make the game more readable. No guarantees on anything (I’m not a professional), but it might help. Besides, this would probably be easier than my last volunteer edit, since the writing in your game is still significantly better than that one.
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Yes, I thought it was clear enough with the *page_break titled “A Long Time Ago.”
And the last sentence that says “You still remember that day in which…”
I could add something like "Your memories start to bring up before your eyes… "
I don’t know why I’m blurring all that 
I don’t think it’s like a secret that could ruin the game for someone.
I’m super glad to receive any help at all. My goal now is to get it published but this being my first time I don’t quite know what things I have to do.
That’s incredibly flattering to hear. Thanks 
I know I have tons to keep improving, and I hope to do that in the next book.
That’s totally to be expected. I don’t have much reading done overall, and I’m mostly self-taught (or internet-taught) in English besides a couple of years in high school. But I’m okay with that, it’s like a never-ending learning path.
That being said, I’ll take any help you are willing to offer. Thanks a lot!
Edit: I was going through the entire game doing what you suggested, cutting big paragraphs and long walls of text with *page_break
I haven’t advanced much yet, barely chapter_2, but I’ll put myself to work on that right now.
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I might have missed it.
Pause work on it first and upload your latest files on ink. Let me know, and I’ll retrieve the fileset and do the line edit as soon as you’re ready. I will upload an edited version on dashingdon which you can copy over.
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Okay, no problem. The chapter also ends with a Back To Reality to let the reader know.
It’s done now. Thanks
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No problem. I’ll let you know when I have an updated version on dash.
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Ohh booy… this was much longer than I thought it would be. I realize that your game actually branches quite a lot.
Ok, I’ve worked on correcting the text for chapter_0 to chapter_3. This is going to take a ton of work to fix, so I might not be able to complete this before the one month beta test period is up.
Ok, I absolutely don’t mean to be unkind about anything going forward, but I’ll speak bluntly from here
After personally line editing, I’ll say this. The writing is acutally quite weak now that I’ve seen it up close. Unknown to many, I do know that HG has rejected some games for poor writing. I’m not sure if Katewing will get approved in its current state, but even if it does, ratings are very likely to suffer. Previously, buyers were more forgiving about such things (e.g. Magikiras), but as prices have gone up, expectations have gone up with it.
I won’t be able to finish this overnight, so you’ll need to let me know whether you want to just submit it as it is, or wait for me to finish this, which could take more than the one month testing period.
If you prefer to submit it to HG by the one month anyway, I recommend writing to HG now, before the one month is up, and asking whether they’ll likely approve your submission.
If you would rather that I finish this, I’ll release the edited chapters as they go. Also, please let me know ASAP what your decision is, and bear in mind that this could take time.
I do think that writing is likely the reason this WIP struggled for attention. To fix this, I am putting the incomplete edited version up. Try putting this up on your OP.
https://dashingdon.com/play/chanceoffire/katewings-adventures-vance-edit/mygame/
Ask around, and check with folks if this is more readable. If yes, and you want me to finish this (with the understanding that it’ll take a while), let me know.
Again, I don’t mean to be unkind, but I just want to be upfront with my assessments, after looking through the text very closely.
Other notes:
- Pulling your wing out from the tree trunk, through the embedded knife, does not inflict an injury.
- Using the purple leaves to heal your wings do not reduce your injuries.
DM me. I don’t want to name anyone publicly.
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When has this happened?
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Indeed. That’s why I hate to have to do full revisions, it takes a lot of time, and I want to publish it once and for all.
On the other hand, I wouldn’t like to release a piece of cr4p if possible, but excluding you, having 0 feedback also makes the task of knowing what to try to improve kind of difficult.
That’s why I’m here, to learn and try to do things better, not to receive pats on the back for doing nothing good. You’ll have a hard time trying to offend me or hurt my pride or something if that’s what you’re worried about.
Kind feedback is okay, blunt is okay, rants are okay, hard critics are okay, insults/aggression are okay for me if anyone would prefer to communicate through them, I don’t mind at all.
Indifference and pure silence though, that doesn’t give me anything to work with.
Okay, Thanks a lot for your huge help. I’ll put the edited chapters on a new link and see if I can get some feedback about it, though I suck at that for some reason 
I guess that with your advice I shouldn’t aim to release the game without someone like you reviewing it, so if it takes longer it’ll take longer and there’s not much I could do about it.
I can’t overestimate getting the quality of my game up.
About the pulling of the wings, I was aiming to separate the wounds from the body/wings to do other stuff later, there is another variable for that, but I ended up not using it for this book.
Thanks!!!
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well i can give a little feedback but take it with a grin salt.
the story is good , but i dont know how to say but i dont really feel it , you have something good there, but kinda it dosent suck me full in, dont know why but i feel there is something missing what i get from some other wips.
have to agree with @ChanceOfFire it needs work, i am not in the coding stuff there i cant give feedback in a lengh like @ChanceOfFire did.
but like i said take it with a grin of salt i can english but not in a point where i can add really much.
was always bad with words if it comes to long feedbacks i am more reserved
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No worries, feedback is feedback, anything helps. And in the worst case, I’m the one who has to decide what to take and what not to.
even then I’ll still appreciate it.
Okay, that’s useful. I think I get what you mean.
That’s fine, you don’t need to do that.
Your opinion about it also counts, like what you like and don’t like about it, what made you feel subjectively, what disappointed you, or anything you can put into words. If you don’t do English I can also do Spanish if that makes things easier for you.
Thanks!
Anyway, if you want me to work on the remaining chapters, try to get some folks to check on the edited version and offer their feedback. Then I’ll know that I can proceed with this.
Also, I disabled the *image commands with *comment Vance, so you’ll need to correct these by hand for the images to show. 
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