Inevitable: A Post-Apocalyptic Survival Story (WIP)

TLDR/Start Link: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/38088975/choicescript-master/web/mygame/index.html


Hi guys (and gals)! Long time lurker, first time poster and developer.

I’ve finally gotten around to create a game that I’ve wanted to do for some time, but was unable to do so due to certain obligations and downright laziness.

But recently I’ve had the time, and energy, to create the game.
So, without further ado, I present to you my first foray into interactive fiction…

Inevitable

A Post-Apocalyptic Survival Story

You are in the shoes of somebody trying to get by in a world that has gone awry. It has been a few weeks since everything went to hell, and you have no idea why. Any semblance of normalcy is now non-existent, and dangers of various kinds are everywhere. Survival is your top -if not your only- priority.

Everything has changed, and nothing will ever be the same again.

Link: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/38088975/choicescript-master/web/mygame/index.html

Comments, suggestions, and violent reactions are very much welcome.

Changelog

  • Version 0.1 is up! Just the prologue. Not much content. Pretty bare actually. Rudimentary character creation system in place.

Things to Note/Fun Facts

  • The game is influenced by various sources, like interactive fiction and post-apocalyptic literature to say the least. Special mention to Interplay’s Fallout series (Bethesda? Who’s that?), Whale’s post-apocalyptic roguelike Cataclysm (specifically the sub-branch Dark Days Ahead by DarklingWolf), Naughty Dog’s The Last of Us (even though i haven’t played it), and EndMaster’s creations.

  • No, there is instance of nuclear war in game.

  • I have a somewhat…erratic mind/thought process. As a consequence, the game and the world it inhabits may change throughout the development process, but rest assured I have certain principles in mind while making this game.

  • Other game notes found in-game.

Again, I reiterate: comments, suggestions, and violent reactions are very much welcome.

Been-reading-too-much/End Link:
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/38088975/choicescript-master/web/mygame/index.html

1 Like

Errors, syntax errors, type errors.

So it won’t load anyway.

The game’s not playable, it sends a few errors when you open it.

Looks like a nice idea and I can’t wait to play it. Good luck :slight_smile:

EDIT: Damn, ninja’d :))

Well damn, that wasn’t there before. Fixin’ it now.

EDIT: mygame.js issues. Note to self (and others): don’t make the file a note repository.

Fixed! Here’s a new link: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/38088975/mygame/index.html

It loaded for me and that was before any of you commented…

Weird O.o

It’s a sign. My stories are weird by nature. I think. This is going to be interesting.

Oh, and thanks @Desanion

Demo: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/38088975/mygame/index.html

Grammar mode initiated:

“The dim surroundings and suffocating air in the small room you are in worsens your predicament. Beside you lay the reason behind your current pains: empty bottles *of* whiskey.”

“You finish reminiscing about your past as a nurse as you prepare yourself for your trek to the outside world. You heave your backpack, and approach the door when you *see* a dresser placed right in front of it.”

That’s what I saw so far, but besides that, it looks really great! I also like the stats system, definitely something different from what I usually see in a CoG. Waiting for an update :smiley:

@Desanion

Thanks again for the typos.

Yeah, about the stats screen. It takes a bit of my time and effort, but it goes with the “feel” that I’m going for. Glad you like it.

I might turn it into a pseudo-diary thing that displays everything you’ve done so far. My aim is that, that at the end of the game, we can share our stories and stuff.

There’s a lot of repetition in your writing style. Can you try and find either a different way to say things, or condense it down into one sentence?

I’m not going to pick at individual parts yet though. I love the idea of a post-apocalyptic survivor story. It’s nicely different from the other games on offer currently.

Don’t worry about the grammar and writing picks yet. Just get your story written. Your writing’s understandable and interesting. If you start trying to fix it you’ll become bogged down and won’t get finished. There’s a good start there.

I was a little shocked that the character generation had an allotted amount of points. When I realised that, I wanted to be able to go back and change my mind on some of the other options.

“You’re a man, owner of both X and Y chromosomes.” Can I kindly suggest no mention of chromosomes please?

All in all though it’s interesting. Welcome to the forums. Write more. :slight_smile:

@Slyde That’s such a cool idea, and story looks pretty promising already. Also welcome to the forums Slyde it’s an honor to welcome you.

Thanks for the welcome and feedback!

@FairyGodfeather

The repetitive writing is there for a purpose; it’s to convey the feeling of monotony and boredom during the “down times” in your character’s life.

Nah, I’m just kidding. I do have a tendency to write like that. Call it my unfortunate signature.

Could you pick out a few repetitive parts though? So that I’d have an idea where I can improve. I don’t really notice that much since, well, that’s how I write. Post it here or PM me if you prefer. Much appreciated.

About the stats thing, I might put up a warning in the next update. I could put up a “restart” option but it would kind of…“kill”, the narrative, unless I go with the oft used dream trope.

I put the stats that way so that players wouldn’t be too good (max stats), but wouldn’t be too weak either (low stats). In a way, every character created will have the same amount of character points. It’s for “balance”, though I’d have to tweak it further.

Also, why do you want the chromosome mention removed?

Edit out text that describes unnecessary time intervals and your writing won’t seem so boggy.

A few examples:
‘For a second’
‘For a bit’
‘Right now’
‘A while’
‘A second’

Try to limit using as and and.

You can limit connecting words and just separate verbs with commas; it achieves a faster pace, remains grammatically correct and is perfectly comphrehensible.

Don’t be afraid of using semicolons.

Use less common synonyms, especially when they allow a shorter sentence to be used.

Basically, streamline your writing; it’s good, but also fat.

Before: A minute passes, and you begin to feel better as the effects of your hangover lessen. Your vision gets clearer and you realize that there is a cracked mirror, hanging on a bland, grey wall. A quarter of the mirror has fallen off, but it’s still servicable nonetheless. You stand in front of the mirror, and look at it intently.

After: The symptoms of your hangover fade and you feel better. Your vision clears and you spot a cracked mirror, hanging on a bland, grey wall. A quarter of the mirror has fallen off, but it’s servicable; you stand before it, gazing in intently.

Hahha nice comeback. :slight_smile: The monotony of life indeed. Your writing’s not that bad. It’s perfectly understandable at least.

Firstly please don’t let the language stuff derail you. Just keep on writing. It’s easy to pick at grammar and spelling. I know from past experience that when mine’s picked at I just want to throw my hands in the air and go “NOOOO I SUCK I DON’T WANT TO WRITE ANYMORE!!!” There’s plenty of time to fix the details later. Just write your story first.

However since you asked for an example.

“You empty the bottle’s contents after a few sips. Through hazy eyes you stare at the empty bottle with dismay; you’ve used up your 2nd bottle, leaving you with your last, half empty bottle. You put the empty container back in your bag,”

Empty the bottle. Empty bottle. Bottle. Empty Bottle. Empty.

See it’s a bit repetitive there. However don’t stress it. It can be fixed later. I’d also use second instead of 2nd.

Or you could put a “clearly I was mistaken, I wasn’t as good at strength as I thought I was.”

It’s gender essentialist to define gender by chromosomes. There are men who are not XY and there are women who are not XX. I don’t want to derail your topic though by bringing up trans, intersex and gender identity issues. If you want to speak about it further feel free to message me.

@FairyGodFather

“There are men who are not XY and there are women who are not XX.”

Wait, isn’t that contradictory?

No.

*Obviously, transsexuals have the chromosomes of their genetic sex.
*There are some genetic disorders that lead to different chromosomal mixes (for example, X-female, XXY-male but with some hormonal issues, XYY-male, XXX-female; the latter two are usually completely unnoticed).
*As I understand it, sometimes weird things happen not related to the chromosomes.

But yeah, this is a digression.

@RagEgnite No it is not contradictory.

It touches on transgender and intersex issues among other things. I really don’t want to derail the discussion with going into depth. Normally, I wouldn’t even bring it up, but Choice of Games does make an attempt to be inclusive, and I think if you can make your game just a little more inclusive by the removal of such a tiny thing it’s worth it.

From Wikipedia: “Humans, as well as some other organisms, can have a chromosomal arrangement that is contrary to their phenotypic sex, that is, XX males or XY females. See, for example, XX male syndrome and androgen insensitivity syndrome.”

@Ramidel Ha! You posted faster than me. Thanks for explaining things.

pretty good so far :slight_smile: dont worry i think you can make a great choice game :smiley:

Points taken. Thanks a bunch people!

  • Will remove the chromosome reference to prevent further trouble.
  • The grammar tips were actually very helpful. Much appreciated.

Hopefully I’ll be able to update this game every week or two, though narrative wise they might not be substantial since I’m trying to build on a decent system in order to prevent future headaches.

Any reason why it doesn’t work on kindle?