Ilyaaren: The Explosion

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#1

HEY Y’ALL - so I’m completely redoing this post. The reasons are twofold.

First, I’m reworking the game. When I first started this game, I was still learning CScript, but I’m far more proficient, now, so I’m incorporating my natural writing style in it. I think it’s more interesting.

That being said, I wasn’t planning on updating this until I had at least 15,000 words, not including code, but while setting up dashingdon for a private beta test for a close group of friends, I deleted the old public beta for this.

Therefore, here’s the current WIP. Note that the second chapter is the same “prologue” scene from the original game, as I don’t want to put the updated second scene out in public just yet, and I’ve had issues with CScript running properly without something in the *scene_list.

It’s short, but I wanted a working link on the site. :sweat_smile:

Current WIP, as per 5/18/2018, here. There is 2943 words of new content (not including code). At this point in time, this is all I’m comfortable putting out on the public beta test :slight_smile:


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#2

As you said it would be short, and it was lol. The opening is good but not enough to give feedback, but hope to see more.


#3

Oh I definitely know it isn’t much for feedback, but part of this post was keeping myself to my promises :wink:

If I have a set goal published for the world to see, I’m about 10 million percent more likely to keep to that goal.


#4

Yeah I agree with ya but it does sound interesting


#5

Lol that’s my problem I always have great ideas and can most of the time do it but damn I am lazy and lack the motivation. I hope you are better than me :slight_smile:


#6

LOL I’ve had the outline for this written for ages. It was originally going to be a novel series, but I realized that one specific character worked perfectly as an MC in a CYOA. :slight_smile:

So I figured I’d try my hand at Choicescript–this is my first time even using this scripting language. I literally started teaching it to myself 2 hours ago. I’ll probably have several minor updates over the next few hours LOL. I’ll be a ninja :wink:


#7

I like the premise! It sounds like you’ve done loads of world building, even from just the first demo and the description.

Will the MC’s physical characteristics be significant later on in the story?

You might want to try leaving an extra blank line between your paragraphs, so they don’t run together. So rather than this:

As always, you are up before the sun. Working at Dragon’s Keep is a difficult and often thankless job. Taking care of dragons is a job that many would consider fantastic, but for you, it is merely reality.
Currently, you are cleaning up a pile of dung from the King’s personal pen. This isn’t exactly your favorite activity when it comes to the dragons, but until Briala gives you permission to actually train the dragons, you’ll have to live with the more…unpleasant aspects of living with dragons.

You’d have this:

As always, you are up before the sun. Working at Dragon’s Keep is a difficult and often thankless job. Taking care of dragons is a job that many would consider fantastic, but for you, it is merely reality.

Currently, you are cleaning up a pile of dung from the King’s personal pen. This isn’t exactly your favorite activity when it comes to the dragons, but until Briala gives you permission to actually train the dragons, you’ll have to live with the more…unpleasant aspects of living with dragons.

The latter is easier to read, I think.

Did you consider possibly putting *finish at the end? That way the game will just be over, rather than crashing on the last page.


#8

I think I forgot to put *line_break in there somewhere. Thanks for pointing that out!

And, yeah, I’ve done tons of world-building. I’m currently taking my hand-drawn maps and turning them into real maps with CC3+ :smiley: Hopefully that will help a bit with immersion.

And I could have sworn I put in *finish at the end. I must not have put the updated scene in the public file. Oops!

The MC’s physical characteristics will definitely have an impact, as your family will be introduced at some point. Some characteristics, such as your weight/hairstyle are cosmetic, but hair color, height, eye color, etc. will have an impact on what your family looks like. Sort of like in FO4 with Shaun. :slight_smile:


#9

A single *line_break just bumps the next sentence to the following line. I think preferred spacing within text blocks is a blank line, just like in a text editor (or a forum post, for that matter).

I also discovered today that double *line_breaks are not a preferred method.

That is amazing. Would you consider adding skin tone? I know it’s a bit of extra coding, but I don’t know of ANY ChoiceScript games (someone please correct me if I’m missing one!) where your can not only pick the shade of your MC’s skin, but where that shade also affects your family’s skin tones.

Can’t wait to see the maps!


#10

That shouldn’t be too horribly difficult to include, considering what I’m already planning to do. What skin tones would I use? Light, medium, dark? I’m not sure how to do that without coming off racially insensitive, haha!

And as for the bit about *line_break – any and all advice on the coding is appreciated, so thank you! I’m about as big of a newbie as you can get with CS, right now.

And yay! I’m glad that I’ll have at least one person who wants to see the maps :'D


#11

Maybe you might consider asking that in this thread? If you mention what you want to do, I’m sure you could get a variety of opinions on what might be good.

I would probably go with something vaguely poetic like:

  • Ivory
  • Almond
  • Olive
  • Ebony

I also tried googling ‘skin tone names’ and there are a bunch of results, including some helpful ones with groups of models of various ethnicities, and words to describe the skin tones.

I’m sure others would have some helpful suggestions, though!


#12

I don’t see how stating the following can be racist:
White
Tan
Black
Brown
OR
Pale
Dark
Etc etc
I find all those poetic names are extremely confusing and annoying


#13

I’ve added some very short bits and pieces to the dashingdon version of the game, but it is officially 4:30 in the morning my time. I…really need to sleep.

Maps will be incoming when I finally feel like they look professional enough to go in a game. Right now they look like a four year old just discovered a professional cartography application >:T

SO! Goodnight~


#14

So… just off the top of my head. Is there any reason why knowing her best would make you the best candidate for finding her? I mean… is it assumed that she ran away?


#15

Yes.

Edit: without spoiling too much, let’s just say there’s another reason she’s important to the province, aside from being the King’s only child.


#16

I am eager to see your map. Did one for my game and think it turned out ok.
http://www.choiceofbox.com/Norif-27.jpg


#17

looks awesome so far :smiley: definitely looking forward to reading more of it :slight_smile: and i can totally relate to be new to cs xD i haven’t used it is so long I recently had to teach my self how to all over again x.x although it is rather easy :slight_smile: keep up the great work :3


#18

Wow, this looks awesome!! I really like the concept, good luck!!! :smile:


#19

The character customization is fun… I hope we get to see some dragons!

I especially got a kick out of ‘blah blah placeholder it’s 4am I’m going to bed’ :joy:

Edit:
I played again and found an error. In the first two choices I picked ‘Keeper’ and then ‘Jordan’ and after selecting the name I got this error: startup line 116: Non existent command 'gotowonderfulname’
Just a space would probably fix this. :wink:


#20

I like it yeah it’s short but i like it so far