Happy Days (WIP)

I’ve begun work on my first game, HAPPY DAYS. In it, you play an Enhanced soldier, bred in captivity, and trained to kill by an Extremist Organisation.
Captured by the CIA you are given a second shot at life, why didn’t they just kill you? how will you fare in this new life? What’s really going on?
MAIN CHARACTERS:
Foster family:
Daniel Sulfridge
Samantha Sulfridge
Chelsea Sulfridge

CIA:
Dr.Hasley, Psychiatrist.

ROs:
RO1: Dakota(F) / Daryl(M) Bancroft

The Senetors child, Popular kid, wants to become student council president

RO2: Stacy(F) / Eric(M) Wolf

The quite kid, science whiz , child of a Mob boss

Currently, it’s about 1 chapter long, and, as I am currently pursuing my graduation, updates will be irregular.

To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/play/jumpyhamster/happy-days/mygame/

NOTE: It was just last week that I had impulsively decided to write a WIP, I have a very general outline of the story, and am yet to figure things out.
Any feedback/suggestion/criticism regarding plot, ROs, Characters, or anything is very much welcome.
This is my first attempt at choice-script and creative writing in general.

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Listen mate, you’re one of the, comparative, few that has the stones to actually do a WIP. Have fun with it, and remember to enjoy the process and avoid enslaving yourself to it. Us forum goblins will be here to watch this grow as you put the time into it. Good luck!

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Speak for yourself. I think he should have a bad time with it. Everyone knows if you don’t suffer it isn’t art. That’s definitely a real thing and definitely not an excuse for people to justify their own misery.

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It’s only misery if you hate it my friend

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@Jumpy_hamster this is small as hell and nit picky I know, but you have a few spelling and grammar things here and there. I wouldn’t worry to much about it as it’s not anything large, but if I were you, I would go through and read everything over once more. Not just for errors but to just have the story sit in your head again, I find that a reread of the “final rendition of the first draft” often helps you get an idea as to what to go on next, and how to improve what you already got. This is just stuff I’ve picked up from essay writing for school and I find it most definitely helps. Remember to take your time, it’s best to not rush with this type of stuff.

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game crashes after you select your hair colour

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i do love playing an ex terrorist with the trauma behind my back. the spaces on the comma is very jarring to look at makes the whole sentences just messy. that’s mostly the most prominent ive seen. its a little bare for now but since this is a very early wip, you can still make and introduce a lot of stuff into it. also the pacing is a little bit too fast, maybe linger on the breakfast scene for a bit or add a paragraph before chelsea goes down

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Hi it seems like the game crashes at the part where you choose hair color.

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Thank you for pointing it out. I’ll fix it asap.

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The plot looks really interesting and I look forward to these kinda stories. However,the current demo is really too short to make anything out of it and get an inkling of what is to happen…
Anyways, we’ll always be hanging around here so take your time to add chapters and updates. Good luck mate.

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Found a bug chapter1 line 98: invalid indent, expected 4, was 1 when picking dark brown hair.

Same with me when trying to pick hair color. Tried different colors.

Already giving me Trough broken lenses vibes from the summary. So I think I’m gonna like it. I will try to give you a more detailed feedback when I have the time to read it.

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It’s great definitely one to look out for. Just some minor misspelling typos, grammar and mispronouncing of genders mistakes etc. Like one of those supersoldier novel you read online. Oh! also that where you have to set your he, his and him part. I think it’s quite burdensome since you already answered your gender so perhaps make it lock on automatically? @Jumpy_hamster

It was intentional as I read somewhere that people may identify with a gender and still have different pronouns. There are a few other games that I had read where pronouns are selected irrespective of gender. I agree that it seems tedious but I thought it was best to let the pronouns be completely selectable. I recently came to know that there are pronouns like xer, xir . I am not aware of all the pronouns out there and have no clue about all the permutations and combinations that exist. So I have left it for the reader to decide.

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But wouldn’t it make more sense to have preset pronouns and a custom option. Some games here do that kind of thing.

yeah, that makes more sense, will keep that in mind.

Yeah, that’s what i was trying to say. Maybe left that option to the non-binary.

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Just corrected the punctuations and the line 98 error :+1:

The problem with me is that if I don’t find grammatical mistakes in my first check,I will never find them. It would be really awesome if you can point them out to me.