Golden Age (Wip) Updated 2/25

I’ve begun work on my new game Golden Age. In it, you play a (Italian American) going from a drastic change. The main plot is that there will be three generations of your first origin character starting in the 1920’s that will end in the 1990’s. So far it is very bare bones, but I am very excited to start this game. Any and all suggestions are encouraged. It really helps to see what could be changed in a much better grammatical style. The way the story flows, and how characters can become more engaging! Now the games stats and choices of careers are inspired from Vendetta, my favorite WIP of all time, but I plan to create a pretty ambitious game.

Currently it’s about (0.006%) done, and I plan on updating at most five days a week…

To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/play/kittenkey/golden-age/mygame/

There will be killings and other adult themes, but aside from that i hope to make it a vast world.

Anyways thanks for taking the time to read it and have a great day!

The game is officially 1.6K words with choices included .

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It was short but interesting. I can’t wait to read more

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Well thank you so much for the positive feedback!

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Ah.

Okay. I aint pro at giving feedback, but here we go.

We’ll start with : I suggest you take a look at a few WIP around, see the structure. How they present their WIP.

Like:
Summary
Plot description
Hopeful futur additions
Romances
Updates
Warning

Stuff like that. Now…with actual feeeedback lol . Scary word right?

Your eyes awake in a sudden jolt.

I’ll start there. I don’t think eyes can actually ‘awake’ . You can replace that with ‘‘You awaken with a sudden jolt’’ . (I think anyway, I aint an english native lol) .

2nd : Spaaaacing.

Aka here:

Your eyes awake in a sudden jolt. The creaky wood frame of your bed wallows under your weight. A simple gift from your father before he passed.

The last of his money after he died of a horrid cold. The neighborhood doctor didn’t know what was wrong with him so he was prescribed three bottles of whiskey a night, just for the pain to go away.

Your mother died when you were born. You were a large child compared to her frail thin body, it didn’t help that the family had lost their farm and were stuck in the middle of a blood rivalry. It was a catastrophe in the beginning of the war, fifteen men and children died over the simple result of stealing one’s pig.

remember that.

3rd: The pacing. The intro shove a bit too much informations from the get go. Your mother is died giving birth to you, your father died too, the farm was lost, there was a war, famine , a pig…etc etc .

The first thing is: we don’t have a choice about our parents. And that’s fine.
The secon thing is: Pace your story. You want peoples to care about these bits of information, to feel the loss. to feel the timeline they are starting from . (December 31’st 1919: 7:30 AM)

And last, that is just my own opinion (don’t mind me). But too many dudes? lol I tried all the ‘‘career’’ and every single one of them we have tie to a dude. Come on, make my dream come true and give me a Mafia Lady Boss :sweat_smile:

Anyway, that’s all I have for now. Good luck with your story! :wink:

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Oh my lord, you are something of an angel. Thank you so much, i’m starting to work on spacing it together so it comes together nicely. And sorry I forgot all about the female options, I really need to remember this is the 30’s lol. I’ll come up with something soon!

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History time! :hugs:

The neighborhood doctor didn’t know what was wrong with him so he was prescribed three bottles of whiskey a night, just for the pain to go away.

Why, though? :thinking: He could have had morphine. He could have had heroin, even. Laudanum, at the very least.

I don’t think I got to meet any mafia boss, male or female… I was playing the business route (I wanted to stay on the good side of the law, :laughing: stupid for a game like this, I know).

Good luck with this project, I’ll keep an eye out for any updates. :wink:

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Hehe, yeah, Whiskey was the best thing I could think of for someone to prescribe but morphine will definitely be in the next update. You have my word on that. But yeah the business route will definitely be fun, especially when you have to jump in the fray quite quickly.

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Hello, I will begin by saying that I love the idea of ​​several characters throughout the century Now the prologue had a lot to say but it was very short, it does not have to be a single page (for example the story of the pig, that is a story that I would like to hear) if you described the events a little more, it would help to better understand the character “After being in charge that only resulted in gaining thirty feet after losing close to a thousand men”, as I took the soldier’s route I noticed a small detail and that is that the distance between the trenches was usually 90 to 200 meters and the distance shorter 29 meters and I apologize if it sounds weird use a translator and wish you luck with this project

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Oh sweet, thanks for the feedback! Tomorrow i’m gonna add a lot more to it so it flows better, and i’ll dive into the story of the pig. It’s hard writing while also world building on the fly lol

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> You tuck your gun inside your waist as the cold metal is pressed among your groin area, leaving a bit of stiffness but you are still able to move quite nimbly.

And get shot when you scratch? :sweat_smile:

Dunno. If I pick a nurse, and a woman. Shouldn’t I have some kind of purse? and why not put it in the back, or inside a long coat pocket ?

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I’ll work on that right away!

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It’s my understanding that the recommended course is to, if you’re going to carry a weapon, keep it on your person; having it inside a purse can mean that it’s easier to have it snatched and then used against you. :thinking:

Then again, from the current description is not at all clear to me where the MC is keeping the weapon, so your point stands (is she wearing a holster? Inside a garter belt? Inside her bloomers? :laughing: Clothing didn’t have elastics back then so it’s not like it would be easy to just tuck it in the waist of the garment… And now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure it would fall down all the same it you tried to hold a heavy object like that in your waistband even nowadays. :sweat_smile: That’s kind of obvious, but what can I say, I never really tried).

And while we’re on the topic of “things I’ve given way too much thought to”, I read this and I was immediately curious to know whether the figure given was accurate:

the Undertaker’s fee was already paid by an envelope of two hundred.

So I found this paper:

From the records of 319 widows in New York now receiving pensions for the support of their children, grouped by nationality, it was found that the average funeral expenditure among the Irish was $452, which consumed 44 per cent of the net assets; among the Italians the average bill was $421, absorbing 50 per cent of the net assets; while among the Jews, owing to their simpler funeral customs, the average bill was only $247.

Granted, it’s not ideal, since the statistics presented are “to the end of 1927” (as per the cover) and your story takes place quite a bit earlier. It is, however, from New York, where your story is set, and they even broke down the costs for each community — how neat is that? If you need to have anyone else die later into the 20s I recommend you use this as a reference. :laughing:

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I would say they would fall more easily nowadays, with the elastics. A non-elastic cloth (imagine proper jeans, if you will) provides much better support. Of course, I haven’t tried anything heavier than measuring tape myself, so take that as you will :woman_shrugging:

Also, interesting premise. I’ll give the game a proper look when I have more time.

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:joy: Why do I feel like I’m gonna to be trying that out as soon as I get home tonight? (The things one has to do for science!)

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