From Chaos - WIP (Demo: Very early WIP ). Update: 28.10.2018 / prologue update 1.5 of 4

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Hello, everybody. I’m Orange_9Cat. And this is my first ChoiceScript game From Chaos

Also: This is my very first writing experience. English isn’t my first language, so please excuse any mistakes

If you have found grammatical errors please write me

Plot (in progress)

The main character escaped from the center for the study of superpowers. She was taken from her parents as a child. She put together a group called " 666." They destroyed the buildings of the center and released the people who were kept there.
She did not remember about his family, as it was taken to the age of seven, and she erased the memory of government superhumans.
Can she find her family, reveal the truth about herself and her family and just survive in this world.

Characters (in progress)

MC: Mary Riley (Hart)
age: 18 years old
powers: telepathy, precognition, darkness manipulation

experiment x

Shadow
male
age: 1
powers

Crow

Devil

Demo (very, very in progress): https://dashingdon.com/play/xeniyathecat2/from-chaos/mygame/

Progress: half of the first part of a prologue

next update: ???

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Given that this is all there is, it really is very short haha.

  • The sentence In the yes of the young girl was panic isn’t right. I think the gist of what you mean is something like “The young girl was panicking”?
  • Also I would suggest giving the guy a name, instead of just referring to him as “the guy” :slight_smile:
  • And, you can put a line break after the chapter title, and another line break after ‘They’ll find us sooner or late later.’

Good luck on your WiP! :smiley:

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She did not remember about her family, as she was taken at the age of seven.

I don’t know what’s the “it” and who is “he/his”, so I assume you were referring to the MC, a girl.

Good luck with your project! :slight_smile:

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This is very, very bare bones. I know how exciting it is to share your work with others and how impatient you might get to do so, but I would advise you to have a bit more to show before posting because honestly, I really can’t provide any useful feedback from two pages of game.

Aside from grammatical errors, that other forum members have already pointed out to you, there’s really not much to say.

With that said, I do like superhero stories (is this what From Chaos is?) and I am always interested in games that are gender-locked female, so I will be interested in what you might have to show in the future.

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Thanks to everyone who liked my project! :heart_eyes::sunglasses:
Next update will be tomorrow.
I am also looking at a forum of people who know Russian and English. If you know Russian write me in messages.
Your Orange_Cat9 :space_invader::space_invader::space_invader:

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Sorry guys, the next update will be on Saturday at nine o’clock Moscow time.
Problems in college
But I am writing.
On Saturday, I’ll post the entire prologue and start writing the main story.
Your Orange_Cat9 :space_invader::space_invader::space_invader:

1 Like
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I definitely like the premise.

1 Like
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Thank you so much. I’m happy :kissing_heart:

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small update 28.10.2018 part 1.5 of 4
also: added a little about the main character

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