I wouldn’t do that to you buddy. 
im guessing that is a imitation of butters giving a complement to a writer?
Well gee, it sure wasn’t nice to delete my post. I was just trying to encourage you. 
Flagged Moderated
Nuff said.
I’m glad your itching for more.
I set a quicker pace for the story out of the gate. Didn’t want to bore folks with a long “this is the world as it was Yada Yada yada” lecture.
Figured I would insult their intelligence by spoon feeding them text walls of history and politics. People could piece it together on the move.
It’s ok. I really wasn’t insulting you though. 
Who’s Butters??
Maybe that’s why I didn’t get the joke and took it as a side ways comment of hey if you’re lucky some one will read your shitty story
Cause that’s how my brain translates it. Apologies for missing the joke but I didn’t get it.
Oh I see how you read my post. I meant maybe a celebrity will do a reading of your work like Morgan Freeman did for me. Not that your work is bad and nobody would read it. Oh hamburgers… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I really am looking forward to your finished story.
Nope never seen it.
I’ma bit of a hermit.
Fun FACT:
this story takes place on an artificial island in the SOUTH Eastern portion of the Celtic Sea
And to answer the multi cultural question aimed toward Asian charas. To put a point towards that, this story takes place where people of all nations can reach. So expect all colors and creeds. Just don’t expect too many extra languages.
I know English French and Portuguese
… And a few dutch words but that’s all.
Oh and the character Silic refers to Magpie is Japanese by the by.
You sit on your bed humming and leafing through the book for a few other curious words you’ve heard around the facility. Your ears were getting pretty good these days; you managed to hear the guards talking about you from down the hall. Though the conversation seemed out of place, and you weren’t ‘creepy’ or ‘dangerous’. The last part you caught was ‘all these freaks are the same’.
What freaks? You hadn’t seen anything that fit the moniker. That thought acted like a splinter lodged deep and you felt it fester with other troubling thoughts. You’d have to ask Dr. Cormel or Francis… maybe not Dr. F.
That’s it! Just remember to bring the white-board to your check up just in case. Cormel was supposed to be on vacation this week, leaving you with Mr Personality Doctor Francis.
These check ups were irritating and cut into some of your favourite books, you never could put them down especially when the characters were.
Comma after bed, that thought felt like a splinter lodged deep inside your brain, comma after brain when(if)you implement my sentence, check-up should have a dash, period after Mr, comma after personality, sentence would flow better with Dr. instead of Doctor, but after the comma after books, comma after down, and their shouldn’t be a period after were.
Also, Dr. F. Lol!
Gawd-damnnit. I didn’t even make it to the second page. I’m sure your story is great, but the way the sentences flow just turns me off. It doesn’t feel very organic. Of course, I could help you with that, but because I’m lazy, I’m going to play video games and maybe do some correcting…later.
I’m not seeing that much issue with sentence flow. Some places are awkward but not too many.
It’s the style. My narration is more like a conversation than anything. A person’s thought process.
Does that make any sense?
That’s not quite what you’re writing though.
A trick I was taught was to read things back to myself aloud as I was writing. This allowed to spot errors that aren’t immediately obvious when you’re just reading in your head.
I’m a perfectionist. Where other people see an okay paragraph, I see ways to make it perfect. Unfortunately, that ability was placed in a body which is extremely lazy, so…
I’m honestly missing the what you’re trying to point out.
I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong and that’s probably why I’m not seeing it.
No offense @theTrueking I find it REALLY difficult to dicern what issues you’re trying to point out. The text all looks the same and I don’t see what I’m meant to see.
It’s not you guys fault. I know that it’s on my end but I don’t know what I’m looking for… 
This is great, I like it, keep doing whatever you’re doing to make it awesome.
By the way, did someone already reported the bug in scene where you choose what to do when Francis slaps Lydia ? When you choose an answer, the text of the other answers come after the text of the answer you have chosen.
No @TheTrueKing doesn’t make his points clear from his quotes. I do keep pointing that out.
When I take another play through (your next content update) I’ll see if I can put together a document on the awkwardness I saw.
