“and totally legal because it’s the UK or something.” I burst out laughing in class when I read this.
The desc… read it…
Did everybody expect anything less that gratuitous sex from someone with the name @PervMasterL
Due to some of your restriction this is not the game for me, but I do nonetheless wish to congratulate you for attempting the challenge of writing good sex-scenes. IMHO they are the single most difficult thing to pull off well, as in games powered by the imagination you have to be a damned good writer to pull off the sex/romance scenes better than the dirty minds and dreams of most readers can.
Now that I’ve recovered from my shock, I do have one suggestion. Since the CoG company is based in America, and since a lot of people here are American, you should probably play it safe and just make the teenagers 18 instead of 16. Also, the app store definitely won’t let you sell it, so you might just have to sell it through the CoG website. I don’t know what the rules are for Steam, but they might also distribute it for you if they’re pretty lax.
Anyways. I haven’t tried this out just yet simply because I’m using my school’s wifi and I don’t want them to see me looking at something like this. Your description, however, is hilarious, so I will try it out eventually. Your sense of humor kind of reminds me of Deadpool. I’ll be honest: I wasn’t expecting this to have a plot when I read the thread title, but now I see that it does and I’m intrigued by it. Your idea for two stats per guy is also interesting. If you don’t want to include a male option because you don’t want to rewrite all the sex scenes, I’m sure someone out there will be eager to help you out with that (not me, though, sorry). I just think it would feel more complete that way.
So, the demo is short, but I believe there is a place for erotica here. Even if it’s technically legal I’d rather not romance a 16 year old boy. I know boys this age. They’re rather immature and still trying to figure themselves out. In many ways they’re still children, and so it’s creepy to me. Legal, but creepy. Personally I think if you include this then the story should recognize the possible realistic pitfalls of such a dalliance (the emotional repercussions, the possible immaturity of the boys and the difference in experience between the heroine and her partner). Again, yes, it’s legal, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily just like any other relationship.
This is fiction, and I believe you can do whatever the hell you want as a writer without anyone policing you. If people are triggered then they shouldn’t read this, but just because people might be triggered doesn’t mean this content shouldn’t exist. One of the better written, if questionable and absurd erotica games I’ve played was called A Dance with Rogues. It was an neverwinter nights model and I liked it because it was dark. I personally like dark, messed up fiction a lot. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but again that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t exist.
As for the demo itself:
I wouldn’t begin with character creation. You should set up the story and atmosphere before you just throw choices at us. I already know the story because I accessed it through this thread, but if I walked into this game with no context I’d just exit out. You should attempt to integrate character creation into the story, or at the very least have an opening scene that draws me in first.
If you want to do a female-only MC, then do a female-only MC. It’s obviously the story you want to write, and this is your game and nobody else’s. Write for yourself with only half an eye on the audience. Either people will like it or they won’t. If they want a game with a male MC they can go elsewhere. Not every game has to have gender choice. Write what you want, and others will follow. Those who don’t follow can find other games.
The tone of the demo is off-putting. The heroine comes across as a bitter and put-upon woman, which CAN work, but you are going to have to walk a fine line between the heroine’s bitter sense of tragedy and the dark, casual humor. I can’t yet decide if the demo accomplishes this. This has the potential to either be a very good but dark and humorous story or an interesting failure. I think your success will be in the minute details.
For instance, you give the player a choice between three equally terrible choices for how the heroine ended up drinking her sorrows away, and then the narrative goes “actually all three happened.” I like that. The abusive boyfriend and the friend attempting to rape the heroine are presented in a glossed over, bitter way. It’s almost as if the dark humor is the heroine’s defense mechanism, as if the narrative reflects the way the heroine herself glosses over the unsavory aspects of her life she can’t directly face. Instead she buys into the tragedy of her life, almost accepting it because she feels like she has no other recourse.
Play up this quiet sense of tragedy, the ironic, biting observations that deflect some of the disturbing content of the story (the attempted rape, the abusive boyfriend, the teenage boys, which is questionable, the heroine’s casual acceptance she might have to sell her body, etc etc). You glossed over some of these tragedies, but returning to them in scattered flashbacks could be interesting. The heroine will likely be traumatized by these events, and the flashbacks could be a way of showing how she slowly works through them.
Throw in as much sex as you want. If you’re writing an erotica then buy into the concept fully. Some people may be offended or triggered but you’re not writing for them. So long as you are very clear on what this story is then I say go for it.
I know my opinion may be unpopular, but I’m a huge fan of fiction that delves into the dark side of humanity, and I believe a story can even delve into the darkness of humanity with humor. It’s going to be tricky. You will have to be careful or your writing could come across as too flippant and shallow for the subject matter, but it can certainly be done.
Pretty much I’m part of your audience here. I’m not easily offended. I like erotica and I genuinely like fiction that involves weird or disconcerting subject matter I’m merely giving you my observations to do with as you like.
Wow! @LacetheDisgrace. I came into this not even planning on posting because I though this was a joke, but I kinda feel bad now. I have to agree with you, but you might have put a much more serious tone onto this than I ever thought possible.
@PervMasterL, I think CoG might sell it on the site, as I think that CoG once thought about creating an erotica brand. Oh, and an unrelated question, can anybody remember how to put things in italics, because for the life of me I can’t seem to remember.
Okay, so I’ve decided to boost the age of each of the guy’s by two years. The younger pair still look young, though. Are you guys happy now?
Also I’ve taken @LacetheDisgrace’s huge post into consideration. I’m not sure how I could make it so that character creation doesn’t come first, but I’ll definitely think about this matter.
Also, the next chapter is nearly finished, but it’s about time for me to go to bed, The update will probably be up in twelve hours or so.
And keep coming with the suggestions. I’m easily influenced by other people, so if you want it there’s a good chance it will happen. Unless it’s just plain stupid, or it involves making a male MC.
Maybe one day I’ll make a game with a male MC. BUT NOT TODAY, GODDAMMIT.
I’m not really a porn game person, but honestly this is hilarious. Best of luck to you and good on you for being so up front about it.
If the game is as funny as the way you’re selling it I might have to give it a read anyway
I did take it pretty seriously, but the demo does contain attempted rape and an abusive relationship. I mean, nothing in any particular detail but such content does put me in a particular frame of mind. This sort of thing appeals to me. I see potential in the dark humor. There’s not a whole lot there yet.
I appreciate you taking my giant post into consideration.
Actually, there is something stopping you from selling it on your own. ChoiceScript.com owns the ChoiceScript engine and you are not permitted to sell a game made in ChoiceScript on your own, unless you work out a licensing deal from them.
You’d have to talk to them about that not me and besides it’s mostly academic at this point. So far all he has is character creation and an intro scene.
Um, yes, I for one am happier now. Maybe I’m being all American about this, or dragging my personal history into how I read this, but now that I am not likely to think of the love interests for an adult as being children I’ll definitely give the demo a chance. (I think I would be more accepting if it was a setting, like the early days of humanity, where humans past the age of puberty matured a lot faster.) Before, I didn’t want to read your demo because I was afraid it would ruin my day. I will try to give you a proper opinion on what you have written soon.
Yeah that might put the brakes on external options… I’m sure the author could work something out with CoG if he ever gets as far as finishing the game
We’ve been stuck with male MC’s since the early to mid eighties. I’m sure we can manage without one for a while
asterisk at the start and an asterisk at the end
I feel like you just walked out of a porn stars house and that you’re traumatized. XD
._. I don’t know if I picked the wrong choices but it just ends when the old dude offers you a job, is it suppose to end there?
Your description is just hilarious so I played your demo and your writing is really good so I’m looking forward to something more. I’m really intrested in seeing how you’ll write the rest of the story - the sex scene especially. And in my country 16 is also legal so it doesn’t bother me
Legality has never, and likely never will, equate to morality.
Anyone else think that he’s actually just dicking around so that he’ll make all of the scenes very explicit and detailed until it comes to the actual sex then it’ll be just a single line of
"You had sex with him." The End.