@malinryden
You wish you could say something smart to the cameras, but you don’t want to be recognized, so right now silence will do. That is probably more menacingly as well.
menacing
She thinks he knows what you can do now. Of course he’s wrong. She is also stalling.
she, she’s
I can’t back down now, I knock him out.
her
“He’s…just standing there. Menacingly!!”
Words to grant life to any lifeless day.
But, really, you are on fire with these updates. I’m seriously impressed at your speed and skill with these things!
Alright! I found a typo or two so here they are!
[spoiler]“The reporters doesn’t matter.”
Should be “the reporters don’t matter.”
“Talking is special after all, when you do it, your breathe out.”
Should be “you breathe out.”
[/spoiler]
I loved this update (as usual).
[spoiler]For my main play-through (the reluctant-villain) I absolutely adored the response to the “I wanted Ortega to stop me” option. I love the fact that not only do we have this path as an option, but you really follow through with it at every twist and turn. You’ve done such an amazing job with providing varied options for characters. I love it.
Even in the second part with Lady Argent, you can pull her out of harm’s way if you knock her out. The continuity of character is one of my favorite things in this game.
Also, the whole ‘find out what happened to your puppet’ end note can’t help but feel a li’l ominous to me. I tried to keep Yasmin in a safe place but now I’m wondering just how ‘safe’ that ‘safe place’ was…[/spoiler]
Anyways, amazing update, as always! Good luck!
The part where it says that Lady Argent must be uncomfortable without shoes doesn’t make sense to me- She has metal feet after all
A little pronoun confusion- “Jumping down from the car, you clear the short distance to Ortega with a few easy leaps. She’s ready for you, you can see it in her eyes. She thinks he knows what you can do now. Of course he’s wrong. She is also stalling.”
Talking is special after all, when you do it, your breathe out. The air in your lungs forms the words. Taking a breath is a mostly unconscious action, prompted by the body’s need for oxygen.
Shouldn’t it be you breathe out? It looks weird to me right now.
Lady Argent is practically invulnerable, but she still feels pain and discomfort normally. This is stated when you are possessing her in the beginning, and you can take advantage of it later.
Thank you for the typo catching! I was so dead tired when I uploaded it I wasn’t sure that anything made sense.
@RenaB - When I have the time to work on this I want to try to make it matter. This game is very much either on/off for me depending on how real life is, and I want to get as much done as I can before something else needs dealing with.
That being said, the next scene is the hospital one, another one with a metric crapton of variation and variant paths so… cracks knuckles
I just completed a play-thorugh of the latest build. Dissolution left Lady Argent in a lot of trouble…
As to their stats:
Infamy: 75% Obscurity: 25%
Arrogance: 83% Anonymity: 17%
Ruthlessness: 79% Empathy: 21%
Daring: 79% Cautious 21%
I am looking forward to seeing what the next update brings. Somehow I think the aftermath is going to be very, very tricky to negotiate.
@malinryden - I just wanted to let you know, every time I start a Fallen Hero session, I turn Ride of the Valkyries by Wagner. The full 15 minute version.
I don’t do that for many stories. I hope I can continue to develop my villain into a complex multifaceted and lovable character you’ve allowed so far.
I hope your “on” time is extended for the foreseeable future.
Eep… Dayum, Argent, you scary! My MC sent her flying in Round 1, so I had her pegged as something of a pushover when she hunted my MC down in the sewers… and she straight-up shanked me through my armour! 
I’m starting to think that maybe I shouldn’t have kicked Herald’s teeth in…
First of all, this is great. Seriously good. And I’m a sucker for telepathy. I do hope you continue working on it.
Moving on.
Typos, mostly. I know you said you’ll fix them later, but that might help.
“Right now your eyes are…” - awkward a bit. Unless you mean that MC uses color lenses, there’s no reason to add “right now”.
“While playing up certain stereotypes can work as a good camouflage since a lot of people just won’t imagine that someone like you can have ambitions or plans” - seriously rubbed me the wrong way. I’m sorry, that seems like playing up stereotypes in itself. Especially since “luckily it is not that hard to blend into the ethnic mixing pot that is Los Diablos.”
“thinking. something you have tried so hard”
“module housing your target You”
“Maybe you are imagining things, but they fell almost grateful”
“Being a telepath is an advantage only if nobody is expecting you, there are too (many?) efficient shields”
“Rosie doesn’t know who you are in this body, so you make sure to stay at a distance. Still, it’s not hard to guide their thoughts” - and all that. Perhaps a changing pronoun for henchmen? Not that it’s critical, but there’s little reason to switch from she/he to them.
“And Anathema slowed down with you, because they was supposed to watch your back.” - as far as wiki is concerned, “when I tell someone a joke, they laugh.” I guess it should be “they were”.
“Rats I think” - comma needed? I’m not too sure about commas, frankly. Mostly I play it by ear. I’ll let someone with better knowledge take a look at this.
[details=Perhaps commas needed]Perhaps not.
“But with your past being what it is(?) you are still far too recognizable by a great number of people you want to steer clear of”
“If you want to have any hope of pulling this off (?) you need to be discreet”
“It doesn’t matter (?) because you can feel them relax inside your mind, safe”
“switched sides, (extra comma?) doesn’t mean you”
[/details]
All for now. Might have more later.
This is, without a doubt my favourite WIP on this site. Even if I know it’s all going to end in tragedy. The reveal of who Zero is, I just can’t see Ortega, forgiving as she is, being able to accept that. Especially since the PC has knowingly and systematically exploited her trust.
So I dumped lady argents passed out body in the rapid sewage waters like a mob boss and let fate decide on her outcome also can you actually get dna from herald Ortega and lady argent to give to Dr mortum so she can improve our suit to better combat them in the future
You can get a sample of Argent’s DNA if you have the Strength upgrade.
What? How? I have the upgrade but never saw the option?
You need to knock her out.
I have a minor grievance: Herald defusing the bomb didn’t make much sense.
How did he know there was a bomb if the PC didn’t make a bomb threat? How did he find the bomb so quickly? Why was our Dr. Mortum-brand high tech bomb so easily defused - is Herald a bomb disposal expert? How was he able to do all this in the span of what I assume is only a few minutes?
It felt contrived to me.
How’d you knock her out?
I just let the river wash her away I liked that.
-_-’’ I kinda feel like this WIP is better than my own. XD Which, being as competitive as I am, is really challenging for me- but it’s seriously excellent in all the possible ways I could want it to be. I can’t -not- love this WIP. I can’t not +fav this. I feel like I’m competing against a WIP Infinity-series-level awesomeness that churns out new stuff faster than I do, and -better- than I do. Which is like a ‘Wooow, I’m seriously impressed!’ feeling, because I know I’m making something people love, too. I just- I’m a fan of this story. I really am, I think even including my own, this is what I’d call the best WIP on the forum right now. Personal opinion.