Empty Shell (name still up for debate) (WiP) - Stage: Alpha

I get that you’re going for different perspectives, but as “What is emotion” characters go?" he’s (at least in my opinion for the record, and I realize you can choose gender I’m just using “He” and all other connotations for argument’s sake) too emotionless. Perhaps something could be established to show how he is different?

  1. Like for example pinning a trained soldier in such a way that it contradicts what he’s capable of.

  2. He sneaks up on the character you initially control in such a way that it surprises said character for not being able to sense his presence.

  3. Don’t have a third sorry.

Next, this again my opinion… but I feel as though the opening where your already kicking down doors could have been done better. You don’t really learn why these soldiers are there until someone mentions pirates. It makes it look as though you expect the readers to already know who they’re dealing with. If you wish to be simple perhaps summarize the fact that this is a raid on a pirate base right of the bat. Or if you feel like taking the time write a short briefing scene as to what’s about to go down.

The transition between scenes feels a bit rushed.

There’s also the typical grammar issues, however this game does have me intrigued both plot and by showing the perspectives of other characters

I disagree with those assessments.

Having the MC pin a soldier, or sneak up on someone, would suggest a sense of self that the MC isn’t supposed to possess, not to mention skills that they shouldn’t have (at least as far as I know).

Also, the story starts ‘in media res’. A lot of stories use that technique. I suppose it’s a matter of preference, but I actually liked it.

I agree with you on those points, but for the others I agree with


As for

Don’t underestimate what the MC is physically capable of. For as far as I’m aware of there’s not a single individual in this world who would be able to beat him/her in a fair fight, not to mention in a non fair fight. Killing someone is something the MC would do with ease, but only when ordered to.


Just realized that the last is probably a major spoiler :expressionless:
Ehm… See chapter 3 (which isn’t done at this time)


So any ideas for a name to this yet?

This far ‘The Puppet’ is the best I’ve come up with, but imo it’s a bit lame.
If you’ve got any ideas, please do tell.

‘Blank Slate’?


‘Error of logic’

‘A rose by any other name…’

Interesting game you got started here, hope you see it through. :relaxed:

‘Blank Slate’ could work. Or, to make it more interesting, ‘Tabula Rasa’…

“Tabula Rasa” sounds cool. (but every thing sounds cool in latin) :laughing:

I guess you could also try the name “Identity”.

that’s all I really got for ideas at the moment =P

Or perhaps ‘Ardoise Blanche’ – French makes everything sound… uh… tastier? :ghost:


@JTAL sounds like cake :yum:

These are all some really nice suggestions, but neither of them seems to ehm… grasp the soul of the game? Don’t really know how to put it. Maybe some added content will get the inspiration flowing again :wink: It’ll still take a few more days though. Oh, and I might throw in chapter 3 as an added bonus. Maybe.


I won’t object if you feel like tossing us a bonus. Not much any way… :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

Yeah, I don’t really know the story yet, so any names are of course shots in the dark (empty void of space). :flushed: But, they say, in space no one can hear your ice cream or something. No, never made sense to me either… :neutral_face:

If it helps any I don’t think you can hear your ice cream on earth either

Oh good, it was not just me being insane then. :sweat_smile:

Er, no, wait, I mean… :neutral_face::eyes: :scream:

Tossing out a few titles in no particular order (I woke up thinking about it, dagnabit):

  • Numb Number Numbest
  • Days of Number
  • In Number Incognito
  • The Number Game
  • The Shadows are Whispering
  • Darkness Approaching
  • Approaching Darkness
  • It’s in the Numbers
  • Number Haven
  • From Beyond the Void
  • For That Which We Feel
  • Empty Threat
  • Your Number’s Up
  • In the Works :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

No idea if anyone is used, should any of them at all not be laughable. :wink:

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Update: Impossible deadlines really work, so chapter 2 is now added.
Let’s hope the link still works.

I didn’t have time to run through everything manually, so there are probably still huge chunks of text floating around there. If you see one please make a screen-shot and post it here. It’ll make finding it in the code a lot easier. (chapter 2 ended up being almost 9 k words, so it’s a bit difficult finding stuff)
Still have to fix some stuff in chapter 1. Oh, and this far only doc’s got a last name.

Chapter 3 should be a lot less work, so I hope to have that up tomorrow.

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Oh, second week of chores I went with cooking and got an error:

pyow line 437: Non-existent variable ‘choicefirstwave’

Second time I picked cooking first. Then at:

‘You’re now sitting at your usual table in the mess, surrounded by the same people as usual. The odd atmosphere makes you curious.’

…I got the same error, but at a new line:

pyow line 383: Non-existent variable ‘choicefirstwave’

Edit: Out of interest, I refused chores.

I got same error on line 367 instead (on a blank-looking page).

Perhaps the game ends there? :astonished:

pyow line 383: Non-existent variable ‘choicefirstwave’

Wow. That’s a lot of errors. Will fix it right now.

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It should be fixed now. There were some bad labels in there.

Hmm, still got the same on line 437, choosing cooking for the second week (after doing dishes the first, if it matters).

However, when refusing chores I got a new error after seeing none of the usual at dinner:

orders line 13: Non-existent command ‘line_beak’

(line_break, I would assume)

Off to bed now, g’nite! :zzz:

You could get to the orders chapter? That’s chapter 3…
Will try to fix it asap.

And good night, by the way :first_quarter_moon_with_face: