Sun Killer (WIP)


A space opera without the space.

An amnesiac crash survivor must find out who they are and survive on an uncharted world far from home. Navigate a world both alien, yet oddly familiar. Unlock the mysteries of the ancient religion and how it ties into your crash. Will you escape and once more traverse the stars or find your place among the sands of this mystifying planet?

Currently the demo consists of the cold open style prologue and a page of exposition detailing the macro-setting and employing some very unsubtle foreshadowing. It’s pretty much just a teaser piece for now. Enjoy.

It could be cool but its so insanely short I don’t have much to go on
Keep at it

I love the writing style, and the title is provocative! I agree with @Pale_Strider though, it’s too short. Also, might I suggest that you add in some choices? In that brief demo I saw a good opportunity for two or three choice sections.

I love this cool but short demo. What I mostly like is the species choice in the stats! I wonder what kind of creature types or people will you put? That makes me even more excited! But one thing about the creatures… Would you be able to put like a reptile type species in there to pick?

FYI, “space opera without the space” is called Planetary Romance;

Hope to see more. :wink:


Excellent writing, it’s definitely has semblance of an experienced author or writer’s work. So far as stats go it looks good as well. This is just an echo of what others have said, but it’s too short to tell how the implementation of choices will work out, but it has promise and I can’t wait to for more of it to be put out.

Thanks for the comments. I’ve added the first scene with any choices. It’s mostly just an establishment of what the character is, the next scene will start establishing your personality. I’m a fairly slow writer and very much a revisionist, constantly tweaking lines here and there as I go across if I notice anything out of place. It’s been a slow process getting to this point, but I’ve added more in the last two days than in the previous month so I felt ready to put something out there, to address some specific comments:

@fantom The prologue is before the building of character and an old scene I had intended for a comic that I retooled. There’s a very good reason for the lack of control. Some of which was admittedly fridge logic. You can get a glimpse of it if you choose the right job and/or implants in the update. Mostly it was a sacrifice for narrative structure. I needed the character to go from point A to point B without trying to break the rhythm of the scene.

@SpiderGirl Thank you, I was unaware that there was in fact a specific genre for what I was doing. Themoreyouknow.jpeg Also, as for species, there’s only one right now that’s an option and it’s left specifically vague for everyone to fill in what they see as the perfect human/alien hybrid. The only details I’ve given is that they’re light-blind and have tails.

As to everyone else, thank you for the compliments, I’ll try to get more out there relatively quickly. However, I prefer quality over quantity and have to work at a pace that suits whatever inspiration I have.

@SpiderGirl and @dreamshell I apologize for merging your posts. I’m not sure how that happened.

line 168: increasing indent not allowed, expected 2 was 3

And no email to report it to. (You can insert your own email instead of cropping out that section entirely).

I like the intro sequence too, though I can imagine it getting annoying on certain devices.

I do quite enjoy the writing style, it has a subtle sense of humor that doesn’t interfere with the drama. However, I’m not too fond of the infodump at the beginning, as I tend to think that exposition should be weaved throughout the narrative. I do like the nods to other science fiction works as well. Overall, I’m looking forward to more.

I agree with the aforementioned - the subtle humour is rather well-done.
Thus far: a marvelous piece. Vast potential, indeed.

Very much enjoyed the no nonsense writing style of the piece, although I think the large chunks of text could’ve been broken up slightly more (although they may just seem long since I’m playing on a mobile device).

More choices would have been nice but I understand this is only the introduction, interested in seeing more :slight_smile: