Empty Shell (name still up for debate) (WiP) - Stage: Alpha

This game sounds pretty interesting.


The rough outline is done, and I’ve started on the actual game.
The bit in the link is about half of the intro.

And here I was hoping that people would actually tell me what kind of names they would like them to have :cry:
Oh well. I’ll just pull the lever a few times and use whatever comes rolling out of the thing.

You would know your characters best, and what names would best suit them. The generator’s just there to help give you ideas when you’re stuck :smile:

As for the bit of intro you’ve got; the one person kicks and the other rushes feels a bit repetitive. You use it about five times in the first three pages. You could try rephrasing it, using synonyms, or maybe you could just describe their procedure for entering rooms in the beginning and for subsequent room searches you could just say what they found, the room was clear, etc.

I know what you’ve got is really short so far, but I’d really like to see more communication between the officer you’re seeing the story from and Ellis. It’d be nice to have a little bit of dialogue, although I’d understand if that’s not possible since they’re on a raid and probably have to be silent. But maybe you could have Ellis point some things out as well, instead of the officer just speculating about stuff on their own. Maybe they know sign language or have an elaborate gesturing system?

Have you thought about writing the parts of the story not in the MC’s perspective in third person?

Thought about, yes. If it’s really unclear who’s who I’ll concider changing it, but I prefer second person. And besides, the story isn’t that far yet.

Ellis wasn’t planned, by the way. He just appeared out of nowhere.

The demo now contains the whole introduction chapter.

Loved the introduction. Really looking forward to see the MC interactions with the rest of the group and to know more about her (in my case) :smiley:

Thank you :grin: I’m looking forward to that too.
sound of furious typing in the background

Update. Chapter 1 added.
Chapter 2 will probably take a bit longer since it’s turning in a huge mess of people and what-ifs.
(It’s quite funny how many people you might have insulted with just three choices)


@Cat_Raider OK, that made me laugh :joy:

On a separate note, Happy birthday to me :tada:


I think at&t messed up.

@Cat_Raider ?What does that have to do with anything?

No idea but I thought it was impossible to go into bytes ;-;.

First of all, happy birthday :smiley:
Now, I’m still getting used to the ocasional swap in PoVs (not that it was confusing, I just don’t have practice with this yet), but I think it was a really cool first chapter and the method of choosing a name was really funny. Those are definetly things that are keeping me hooked with the story :blush:
Again, looking forward for more~

I just finished my playthrough and it’s really interesting idea you have.
Are going to add some description of people who appear in the story? Cause right now apart from names there’s no description. I understand it’s lack when it comes to MC but I would like to know how others look like :wink:
Anyways I’m looking forward to your next add.

And happy bithday :smiley:

I’ll add descriptions of them in the stats-screen sooner or later (probably later), just like a discription of the ‘Phoebe’s shadow’ (the ship) and some major historical occurances. For now I’m trying to focus solely on the story though.

And it’s nice to hear that people like the story :blush:

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Typo found in the intro.

‘Doc couldn’t find anything wrong with his though.’

‘His’ should be ‘him’. Or there should be something after ‘his’. Didn’t see any others, though.

It’s an interesting idea. I like how it’s written, and I look forward to seeing more of this. :slight_smile:

Thanks for pointing that out. (And it’s not a typo, but a coding mistake.)

I found a typo

“Knowing that she doesn’t make empty threads everyone silently obeys and return to their seats.”

Should be threats.

But in other news awesome game I didn’t relies it had been updated :smiley:

Thanks for the catch and thanks for the compliment. :grin: