Emperor Syndrome: The Beginning (WIP)

POLL TIME!

Immortal Roses needs a gang motto!

  • Beauty is Eternal | Gang call back: Now feel the pain of eternity!
  • Bloom like a wild rose | Gang call back: Our vines will sink into your throat!
  • Let’s paint the roses red! | Gang call back: Off with your head!
  • Let’s paint the roses! | Gang call back: your blood has been chosen!
  • I’ll comment my suggestion!

0 voters

Let’s paint the roses red! Off with your head! Has won the poll!

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Updated the demo link!

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It’s an interesting idea: There have been gang/crime/mafia-style games before, of course, but this one leans hard into anime, which makes it unique. It’s a short demo, so obviously it’s pretty rough and there’s a lot that’s yet to be revealed, but I did notice a few things after playing through a few times.

  • In media res can be a great way to hook the player, but this one didn’t quite work for me. There’s a lot of people we don’t know, a lot of unfamiliar names being thrown around, and a lot of things happening in a chaotic style. People die, but we have no personal attachment to anything so it doesn’t really affect the reader. It ties into the MC because he witnessed it, but there’s nothing to call attention to that since they’re only present in a single line at the bottom of a crowded page. I would recommend streamlining the prologue to focus on key scenes, or at least put the line mentioning the MC on its own page for a stronger impact.
  • A lot of the names seem… odd. Kuromo and Mikaru seem like they’re supposed to be romanizations for Chrome and Michael/Michal, but there’s no indication of this. I don’t think Kotatsu is a name except in Fire Force, where it’s likely a pun. Meyomi doesn’t sound like a name, but if anything it sounds closer to female (Mayumi, etc) than male; same thing for Tofuyu, and the name of the school should probably be Homura, not Homra, since the latter’s not a word/name. This might seem nitpicky but, given the importance of the Japanese anime-style setting, this kind of thing felt jarring and “faux-Japanese-ish”.
  • If there’s going to be yandere routes/characters, I think it’s worth a mention before the game starts; some people dislike it, and if it’s baked-in because you start out dating the yandere, people should know and be able to avoid it.
  • If you choose any name besides Kagetora, Kumiko still refers to you as Kagetora in the post-character creation scene.
  • I think it would be good if you could choose the suffix your boyfriend (and eventually girlfriend) uses for you, or at least whether they use -chan or -kun. -chan is still more associated with girls, so as a player, I’d prefer being MC-kun.
  • As far as player agency, it’d be good to choose your response to Tofuyu. It seems weird that the MC would defend him to Meyomi after Tofuyu punched said MC in the face for literally no reason.

This might seem like a lot in the way of critiques, but I am genuinely interested in where things go from here; the heavily anime aesthetic makes it stand out from other games in the gang/crime genre, and it’s clear you have a deep love for both your project and its inspirations. I’m also looking forward to seeing the MC’s character development: I’m not too fond of the stereotypical BL pairing where the weak MC can only get beaten/kidnapped and has to be protected by his big, strong love interest, but you mentioned that this MC would eventually become more confident and able, so I’m very interested in seeing how that plays out.

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Thank you for your review! I love it and yes, I am extremely passionate about this project and I am heavily inspired by anime, I want people to play this and imagine everything as an anime in fact!

You’re not supposed to have any kind of attachment to Snow Bunny rn. His death is the catalyst for the events in the story. Later on more about him will be revealed, especially if you get close to Crazy Rabbit.

I use waifu labs for the head shots and Meyomi came up, I liked it.

Overall I like rather feminine names for certain male characters.

Mikaru is the name of one of my favorite Japanese rockstars, I greatly dislike the name Michael for personal reasons. Mikaru has nothing to do with it. Kotatsu is a name, what does fire force have to do with it? Who wouldn’t wanna be a low table covered by a futon that was warm and inviting and the best spot in the house? All of the names on both those lists are Japanese. Also Snow Bunny’s name is Kurumo. Kuru means come, Mo means and. It’s a reference to the fact that basically he came into Immortal Roses but his fate was left unspoken. Why would you associate it with Chrome?

Homra is named after HOMRA from K Project. Though for ease of understanding I will edit it. The students still call it homra however.

I actually don’t know how to set it so you can choose what they call you, I need to find out how because each preset name has a certain nickname the gang is going to call you attached to it, but if you put in your own name you get to pick what they call you. Chan may be associated with girls but I’ve seen it used with boys before, that and Meyomi is just that kind of person.

But I’ll have to look up a code or something on how to give options.

I’m going to go back in and edit that scene, give you a choice to decide on how to reply to Meyomi about Tofuyu based on MC personality.

If you read his bio in the OP, they call him Tofuyu because his name is Kifuyu and he likes flavored Tofu. It’s his nickname, the gang members won’t be called by their actual names unless the scene takes place in private.

Kumiko talking to you in the classroom issue has been fixed

Also, don’t get it twisted, MC has problems. They love to fight, They just feel like they need to do better, be better, but they lack the confidence to carry forward due to certain things in their past that will be unveiled in time and their partner’s overprotective nature

The prologue will be given a major update in a bit, the MC being there was actually not supposed to be known until Tofuyu came to confront them about it. But I will elaborate further and give MC their own pages of running away and reacting to what was witnessed. Though I was going to save that scene for a flashback, anime style. I will add more to the prologue though. Give people a chance to really get to know the introduced gang members.

The relationship doesn’t last, for reasons I cannot reveal because major plot spoilers.

Let’s just say Meyomi isn’t who you think he is and Kumiko isn’t either.

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Like I said, I understand that there’s a lot that hasn’t been revealed yet since it’s just a demo/prologue, and a short one at that, so don’t feel as if you have to “give away” anything earlier than planned: You are, after all, the one with the plan for how things unfold. As a reader without those insights, my post is the view of an outsider who can only see what’s in the current demo. This includes things like Tofuyu’s nickname, which is only present in supplemental materials, though this might change if you include in-game character bios (possibly unlockable as the game progresses), and admittedly the thing about supplemental materials is also my personal preference.

Keeping in mind that not every player will have the same reference pools, I didn’t see the assorted names and go “Ah yes, like in ____!” As a result, they just sounded like non-standard Japanese names, and I’ve seen more than a few people settle for “Japanese-esque” names to detrimental effect. I appreciate you explaining; again, without knowing what the names are supposed to reference, Kurumo (for example) is a pretty non-standard name and the only time I’ve ever seen it before was a character named Chrome who had his name romanized that way, which is also the case with Mikaru and the others I cited. As I said in my earlier post, this might not be a big deal to others, who either get the references or just don’t see them as unusual, but it stood out to me enough to be worth mentioning.

I appreciate your willingness to take feedback, especially in the instance of player agency, which is a big thing for me since it’s what sets games/interactive fiction apart from a non-interactive story. The same goes for the -chan/-kun thing: It’s definitely true that -chan can be and is used for males, but it’s a small thing that might go a long way towards personalizing the MC. After all, there’s a long section of determining your physical appearance, but all that physical description may not be used often, whereas you may see MC-chan or MC-kun quite often depending on how often you interact with Meyomi (and anyone else who might use it). Coding is tricky and I don’t want to place undue pressure on you for something that could easily be considered a minor detail, so again, feel free to disregard.

I do enjoy characters with depth and layers to their personality, especially if it’s unexpected, so I’m happy to hear that the current ROs have their own enigmas for the player to uncover, and of course I’m happy to hear that about the MC; as before, I’m looking forward to seeing how things play out with the MC, what their past is and how it winds up affecting their present/future. I also enjoy the way you handle action scenes, as well as the larger-than-life characters; there’s a very cinematic approach which feels very “anime.” Between that and the bios in the OP, I even found myself wondering about the seiyuu for some of the cast! Despite my critiques, which were intended as helpful and/or honestly curious, and hopefully came across that way, I’m interested in watching Emperor Syndrome take shape.

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Meyomi/Kumiko are not actually ROs at first, even though you start off dating them~ Though you can choose certain paths that will make them become ROs later.

It’s complicated.

Aw thank you! I have a cast of voice actors for one of my yaoi manga projects, I may assign them to do some lines for my Emperor Syndrome boys!

And yea I actually am planning on having in game biosheets so to speak of each character.

I actually took out a few and added Kisaki and Suoh to surnames.

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I’m in love with it so far. Mainly because I get the angle you’re going for with the Tokyo Revengers influence. And I’m an anime geek of course so these names and what not isn’t putting me off of reading it.

While I wish there was more choices in the first chapter, you’ve already covered that subject so I’ll leave it alone. :sob: we can’t stay with our bf/gf? Because for now, I dunno if my guy would be into any of these dudes. That’s most likely gonna change I know but I always do one playthrough with not romancing anyone or it’s a slow burn type of thing. Also, being punched in the face and not scrapping with him a little, even if it meant getting an ass kicking, feels strange to me.

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I am so glad you love it so far!

MC knows Tofuyu could kill them if he really wanted to, MC knows if they fought back now, without seeing what Tofuyu wanted, the gang would show up in five seconds flat. Then it would be 1 against 26 and MC would never be accepted into the gang at that rate because they would have made enemies of IR.

MC isn’t stupid. They know that Tofuyu had a reason. They just don’t know what. Not yet anyway. Plus MC did throw a punch, it just didn’t land.

Due to certain circumstances down the line, staying with your bf/gf is not advisable. It will be possible however. Just a really bad idea is all I am going to say.

First chapter is nowhere near done! I don’t have a computer and I have to struggle on my ipad so things will be slow to update.

As someone stuck using a desktop because my laptop finally died, you have my sympathy and respect for creating this game and weekly updates too? :raised_hands:t6::raised_hands:t6: That’s awesome.

I understand then why MC didn’t fight back and in hindsight that does make sense.

I just think it’d be funny to put the option in there and it lands an early game over :rofl: (I’m kidding I’m kidding!!)

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XD yea if MC wants to get their license to live revoked !

Also if you ever pick that option, don’t be shocked by flirty MC hitting on everyone. Flirty MC is a hoe, no cheating, ok a little cheating after a certain point, but they still a major hoe. Each personality has a different backstory that will be revealed overtime.

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Just a reminder that you don’t have to add a female protag/romantic options if you don’t want to. Better to stick with something you’re comfortable with and deliver a quality product than pushing a half-measured attempt just to be inclusive. CoG/HG are known for their inclusivity but there are a few gender exclusive games too, so no pressure.

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Agreed with IvoryOwl, this could be regular BL game if that’s what you’re comfortable writing. Read several IF games where the main character is gender or race locked; none of that put me off of repeat playing those games because I enjoyed them.

That being said I think I came across a game breaking bug in the sarcastic MC route. After talking about what happened to Snow Bunny, the game kept loading without progressing to the next section.

I’ve tried all the personalities and so far, I honestly like them all and their reactions to Tofuyu but Shy, Cold, and Flirty MC’s are my favorite. When I say I hollered laughing at Flirty MC’s reason for cheating, or wait wait, “appreciating attractive people’s looks”, or something like that? I’m not kidding :joy::joy::joy: and when Tofuyu rightly called him a slut, the reaction —— I cannot breathe!! That was funny!!

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Thank you XD Yea Flirty MC doesn’t believe he’s doing anything wrong. Shy MC is easily flustered.

I will have to see about fixing Sarcastic MC in a minute.

@IvoryOwl Thanks! I seriously don’t feel comfortable doing hetero at all, unless it’s for plot purposes like Your Girlfriend. However I wanna reach as many people as possible so I’mma just fade to black on those and the GL romance scenes. Though there are only gunna be three female ROs and their all going to fit my GL romance preferences and only sub when it comes to the non female MC. Though only certain MCs can romance certain ROs.

Greedy and Berserker personalities that pair with the existing personalities as other aspects of their personality coming soon

All in all playing as a girl may end up just being DLC

I’m going to add more to FlirtyMC’s Tofuyu classroom scene. Their a fucking QUEEN

Sarcastic should work now, if not let me know, added extra to Flirty MC! Kumiko comes in asking for his shit if he dies.

I wanna add more customization options like if the MC dresses feminine or masculine or a mix of both, but Flirty MC is a certified diva set in stone. Even on the girlfriend path, they’re just a bit more dominant.

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I picked hair length to be very long but the hairstyle in the personal stats says it’s shoulder length.

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That’s a bug I’m still trying fix!

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I don’t know if it’s a bug or made to be that way but it’s kind of odd that you have to go through the relationship stats to view your personal stats.

But either way thought I would bring it up just in case.

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Eh? Personal stats should be its own tab above relationships…

What I mean is that when you click show stats it’s not there right away till you click view relationship status then it shows up.

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That… sounds strange…

When I go to it it works how it should

First this after clicking stats

Then this after clicking view personal stats

So I am confused as to what you are referring to. The main page, I have plans for so it needs to stay blank.

Though I should get rid of the return to main stat page part on the main stat page if I can unless it would break the code.

So I just reloaded the demo and it looks all fine now but I swear the view personal stats wasn’t there right away before so gods know what was going off :sweat: