Dragonrider (WIP)


#1

NEW UPDATE ON THE GAME
I recently lost my two SSD’s on my desktop computer which held all of the files for the game. I am going back through and re-writing it with the info that I thankfully had stored on dropbox and in the link down below. Sorry to all for the stopping of updates, I will resume in the next few days.

https://dl.dropbox.com/s/wuzbshl7s4das04/Dragonrider.html?dl=0


#2

Sorry bud, it bugs out as soon as you start chapter 1. Says cannot ready property of ‘crc’ or undefined


#3

try again, just fixed it


#4

Sorry couldn’t resist peaking at sylverius. Is it supposed to crash out as soon as I do atm? error code was cadet line 38: bad label sylverius. I will be a good boy and look at Darnaxus this time…


#5

Yes, sadly i haven’t yet begun working on the other two schools, just written their descriptions. I’m hoping to make each school a unique experience, so that’s why only Darnaxus has work done on it. I appreciate your interest though!


#6

When you try and save the boy from the wyvern you get cadet line 235: bad label door 2. Keep at it though. The writing is solid. Was enjoying the story.


#7

There is a bit more, I just corrected that problem, so you should be able to go into door 2 now. Thank you for your assistance!


#8

Sounds cool. Will we get to name the dragons?


#9

Absolutely @Shawnheatherly ! I’ll be putting in the default names as well as a “create your own” name just like in the beginning when you choose your name.


#10

cadet line 255: It is illegal to fall in to an *else statement. I think I am pretty much at the end now anyway. I am supposed to be putting up chapter 2 of my story about now… so I should probably stop procrastinating and go sort out the page format :stuck_out_tongue:


#11

Awesome, thanks I think I corrected the problem. Just an indentation issue, thanks for your support and help!


#12

cadet line 217: Non-existant variable ‘armor’

Also, I like what I see in this WIP so far, @Jackal.


#13

Thank you @RagEgnite, I believe I have fixed the problem. I recently changed the “armor” variable to now instead be four different pieces: chest, legs, arms, and head So i forgot to change a few variables in-game. Thanks a lot!


#14

tl;dr:
Interesting premise. Needs a lot of polish, even though it’s a first demo.

As a first impression, I don’t care for first person point of view. Second person is my favorite for these games.

I apologize if my vague and general opinions are not useful. But the whole thing feels… Sedate. Unhurried. Calm. Not the sort of tone that complements an adventure game. There are several pieces of exposition that do not flow very well. For example, your paragraph about the dragonriders and dragonslavers could be about half as long and still get the point across without making me wait to get to the actual story already.

The stats screen contains uncapitalized labels for weapon, chest, arms, etc.

One of the choices is:
But I instead decided to spend time with Annabelle and /“pway pwincess”/

  • something is wrong with the /" command to put quotes in. Maybe you don’t need the / here? I’m not sure.

"how much of the stuff you never retain in school. " might scan better if it was rephrased.
“How much stuff you forget as soon as the test is over”?

The phrase “alright students” seems odd when paired with the description “ragged old voice”

"It wil be your final written exam before you are allowed to start your process as a cadet Dragonrider. Best of luck to you all"
Two typos, one thing that seems to be a weird word choice. Did you mean ‘career’ as a dragonrider?

“You remember that Golgoth’s…” Golgoths, not Golgoth’s.
(Do you want me to check over the whole thing for grammar for you? I’ll not mention any more grammar things after this)

Error during test: My $(weapon) meets the Fynrix’s snout…


#15

@Crotale Thank you so much for your insight. I have corrected the problems you have listed and will upload a fix soon. Sometimes when you get to writing, you gloss over several grammatical errors. I appreciate your keen eye and would love for you to let me know of any more you find. I found that the first person made this story flow better, especially when it gets to the later stages when it is the player and his dragon. Although, I do see where you are coming from.

I did mean Cadet, for it is the next step in the process of becoming a Dragonrider, but I did clean it up a bit. Please let me know if you see anything else. Thanks!


#16

I like what you have so far it’s a great and solid story can’t wait to see more of it


#17

So far so good.
It also helped me laugh abit a few times (like my name … MrSnugglesworth XD and being upset that I could get more marks even though I got 100% … like a true Asian ;p)
I did however find a grammatical error after the last question in the test.

I lay your quill down and hope for the best.


#18

good but when you pick you gender I picked female but after the test when my person gets home my characters little sister calls me her big brother instead


#19

Thank you very much! I’ll fix that. I Appreciate you taking the time to check it out


#20

Ahhh, thank you! I will fix that right away