Double Cross (WIP) -- Psychological Mystery, Suspense - UPDATE, AUGUST 2, 2020!

Small bug I noticed: going through the Rich Family route seems to switch my MC’s gender around from female to male.

“Inheriting the genes of a father with unquestioningly high standards and my mother’s artificial light as a rich man’s wife, there is no question to what kind of abomination their son would bear soon enough.”

“Do you want me to find out more about it, young master?”

“Maybe they didn’t look at me as the master of the house, but as a pre-teen child, celebrating his boyhood.”

“But you’re hitting on the wrong guy. I’m straight.”

Ect. Don’t know if it’s unique to this route (I also tried the Poor Family route, but it seems the gender of of the MC comes in a lot less, so I don’t know if the gender variable is correct there, or if it’s not but it didn’t come up in the text), but I thought it was worth signalling.

Anyway, the update certainly kick things up a notch!

4 Likes

Thank you for your feedback!

Yes! As with @Mei_Hiroshi’s feedback earlier, we’ll definitely patch that up!
Thank you for pointing it out!

I only have one question. Can I become a Joker like killer?

I just read the new update and I must say I like where you are going with the story. I expected moral choices and consequences but I didn’t expect first one to be a child. I also enjoy the inner voice. Really gives the story more character. I’m sorry for not pointing out typos or anything but when I’m reading I’m really living in the story so I never notice anything. Great update

1 Like

Just finished a playthrough of it digging the premise,I’m guessing this Is probably going to be the most pressed I feel in a moral way reading a choice book haha especially on my try to be good run. These are just a few minor phrasing error I noticed and I think the last one the coding bugged out or something lol.

2 Likes

Great play so far. I’m liking that our detective though a killer is not alone in his head. That voice in his head seems to have way to much power on the mc. That no matter what Dialogue we reply to it , the response we got leads to the same road. It’s unnerving but necessary for the greater story.

Noticed:

.
Here for the gender-fillable I chose male lucero, it noted as a ‘she’.

There’s also a missing mis-gender I think it notes as “the female detective” instead of the ‘the male’ . For easier you can just note as “the detective”. It calls Lucy by name instead of Lucero.

I didn’t screenShot the other passage, but I think this text repeats itself if you also chose the choice {Run to the policemen for help}

2 Likes

True. I always skipped this wip forum cause I felt like I already saw Double Cross released long ago, but that “update” in the title made me wondering did they remake the story, but it turned out to be a different one.

Another typo that i found:

Really interesting, hope you continue working on this.

Are the speech quotes being in Italics a stylistic choice?

dark pupils

You mean dark irises?

Super interesting! There’s a lotta pronoun continuity errors tho :((

Very Dexter. Haha. Good read. I look forward too more. I was going to mention the gender issue in the rich background route but i see its already been pointed out.

I can smell the ridiculously amount of drama we will face when people find out my perfect, kind, talented, wealthy MC is a psychopath killer

1 Like

Ohh, an idea have appeared in my mind. How about a name for ourselves ? No, not your real name, your NICKNAME, like “Jack The Ripper”, “Mary The Bloody Queen”,… eventually, we will have a name as our murders become more brutal, terrifying and we can use our authority as police to spread rumors about ourselves

6 Likes

Yes, this would be awesome! As your notoriety spreads you start seeing it in newspapers and whatever else…

1 Like

Hmm this is very good except for the very annoying Italic font for every dialogue and it’d be awesome if the stats are more easier to access instead of going through all the choices in stats…

1 Like

This is creepy. I’m gonna try how dark it could be. Seconded about the italic dialog; I don’t think it’s necessary. Quotation marks should be sufficient.

I tried the rich family background as female but the text acknowledge me as the son, young master, and talks about my boyhood.

2 Likes

@lynossa Eh I played as a female with rich family background too, got that same error.
And there are many grammatical errors and continuity errors too.
Even other poor and middle class routes says male /son when I selected female.

1 Like