Guys, have some respect for the WIP and cut the crap.
@Curious_Boy that is correct @anon57826008 is the Flavia that has stolen my heart 
@SiROSTRiKE well if it’s the cute penguorca then I will be happy to give it cuddles 
, you know your little rope blade thingy there would technically work, as long as you held the rope line the whole time 
@Tuhin_Subhra_Maity Well you do have a ranged weapon, magic 
@anon57826008 
Didn’t we have this exact conversation about that Iara when you were thinking about names for your plush turtle? 
You always make me laugh chuchu
@Wire_Ryse I know exactly how you feel, I woke up and way like “why are there so many replies…this can’t be good 
”
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Is Flávia teaching you cute words in Portuguese or you speak Portuguese and I didn’t know you could? lol 
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She is teaching me, seems only right to learn the language of someone that you’re in love with 
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We did, but you know 
That’s what i’m here for, amor
I’m “teaching” her, because she can get a lot of things in portuguese. She could even understand Caetano 
And i’m learning a lot with her too 
I love you too sweetheart
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Awww Eu amo voce tambem minha tartaruga pequena and yeah, I can understand more than I can say
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I get it, it’s good and cute
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Sim, Flavia e fofa 
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I have no idea what’s going on.
I felt more comfortable talking about unicorns and genderbent mermaids.
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ikr!! 
and beside, i dont understand other languange beside Bahasa, Sundanese, English, a bit of German (one of lesson from highschool), and some random Japanese languange (beside from Anime, and i’ve learn some of it a long time ago)
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She is a little turtle? O.o
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Love. Love is going on 
And you still owe me a Ursula
THAT’S A LOT OF LANGUAGES COME ON
I can get some random Japanese too, but Lizzy is the one who know a lot more 
Yes, and a silly one
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i literally posted that same picture on a pm earlier.
@Wire_Ryse may testify.
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It’s what I call her, it comes from an adorable story 
Well she does know a bunch of martial arts…
@Crater18 That is awesome
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Tell us!
20 characters
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Well definitely write more please. I was transfixed with work. I did the entire thing with a killer head ache i liked it so much i refused to stop and once i reached the end i wanted to cry.
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Wow, thank you! That is an amazing compliment 
Alright then…Well before Flavia and I became a couple we were talking all the time (well we still do lol), well anyway a few weeks ago she had to take her entrance exams and I was still being fairly productive with writing this story. I was having a lot of troubles getting more than a few hours of sleep a night at the time and I was up waiting to hear back about how she had done.
So she finished her exams early and decided to head home. On her way home realized that she had lost her wallet so she wasn’t able to get on the bus and didn’t want to wait for a ride so she decided to walk home in the downpour, well it also so happened that her umbrella was broken and happened to get herself a little lost. So my little Flavia ended up completely soaked with this big backpack on that made her look like a wet turtle
Well she ended up getting pneumonia from this little adventure and I was all worried because that’s just how I am The thing that I didn’t know at the time though was the reason that she didn’t wait was because she wanted to get home and talk to me So since then I call her minha tartaruga pequena (my little turtle) or minha tartaruga boba (my silly turtle) Since while it was sweet that she got sick to talk to me it was also a silly thing to do
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I just read through your WiP
I’ll be curious to see where you go with this. It’s too soon for me to have much of a feel for characters and all, though I’m already enjoying the way you depict the parents; they seem like a fun and caring couple.
I wonder if you could throw in a few more choices here and there about how the MC interacts with people? Sort of like the one you had with Jacob about whether to apologize or laugh or ignore. That didn’t impede the narrative flow at all but provided just a little spot to develop the relationship in a more customized way. (Poor kid 
)
I quite like all the setting detail you’ve put into this. It’s clear you’ve given it a great deal of thought and I am looking forward to seeing more of it in play.
I’ve been collecting proofreading notes, but I’m just gonna stick them under this arrow here so I don’t clog the thread.
Proofreader
The biggest thing I was noticing is that you tend to stick what could be multiple sentences together into one long sentence. Sometimes you could just replace commas with semicolons; sometimes it might work better just to separate them entirely. I’ve noted several throughout, but it’s something to bear in mind
The first sentence is an example:
The news of the impending birth of the Imperial heir put the perpetually bustling capital city into quite a frenzy, merchants from across the lands descended on the city like sharks smelling blood in the water.
I’d say semicolon here, rather than separate sentences, because the ideas are linked, but nonetheless form complete sentences. If you want to keep them as a unit, you could also replace the word “descended” with “descending,” thus turning the second part into a modifier rather than a sentence in its own right.
The other thing I should note is dialogue formatting. Firstly, lines of dialog spoken by different people should be separate paragraphs. Any actions taken by one of the people speaking should be in the same paragraph as their speech; if someone else takes a turn to act, that should be a new paragraph. Additionally, when providing a tag like “she said,” if this comes directly after the quote, “she” should not be capitalized, and if the quote would end in a period, this should be a comma instead. (Exclamation points and question marks would remain.) Example:
“How are you?” she said.
“Quite well,” he replied. He poured her a cup of tea.
She took the tea. “How lovely!” she yelled.
In the Emperess’ chambers the chaos of the city below was playing out on a smaller stage, attendants, healers and nurses weaved around each other in a delicate ballet in order to ensure the safe delivery of the Empress’ child as well as the Empress’ well being.
Another conjoined sentence. Also “Emperess” should be “Empress.”
The Empress smiled weakly up at her husband before once more baring down.
bearing > baring
"Of course my love,
When you’re addressing someone directly in speech, this needs to be completely separated by commas. So in this case you need a comma before “my love.”
the first site of our child."
site > sight
With a final push by the Empress the healer smiled brightly as a cry broke the tension of the night, he quickly washed and wrapped the newborn as the new parents awaited his words.
Semicolon or separate
Your mother sighed as the nurse handed you over to her, she stared down at you as tears welled up her in eyes,
; or .
looked up with an equaled fear
equaled > equal
so touched my magic is without precedence,
my > by; precedence > precedent (“precedence” refers to who ranks first)
lined your brow, your mother brushed her fingertips gently across your tiny forehead
; or .
The time passed well for you and you wanted for nothing, you spent most of your time with your nanny
; or .
your memories started to take root, one of your earliest memories was
; or .
“We will need to get him a tutor before long.” Your father mused
Here’s where you need a comma and no capitalization.
"There, there my son we can’t hope
“my son” needs to be set off by commas
He chuckled at this joke while his wife wrapped him on the arm.
Do you mean “rapped”?
you suddenly felt a sense of something, you looked up from
; or .
“The baby is coming.” You said
comma and no capital
tone of your voiced
voiced > voice
“What makes you think that Justinian?” Your
comma before the name
"Justinian stay here
comma after the name
into the garden after you, once she reached you
; or .
"Justinian I hear
comma after name
She asked gently,
no capital
guided you down the halls to your new room, it was very obvious
; or .
Beyond that you entered into your sleeping area, this room housed a large bed, at least it seemed large to you and you couldn’t resist flopping on top of it to test the softness, you found it was much like how you imagined sinking into a cloud might feel, your mother giggled at the contented look on your face.
This could be a few sentences.
into your closet, Your small hand gently nudges
Should have a period instead of a comma.
his long white hair and bear made you think
I think you mean “beard.” Though the alternative would be more fun. 
"We’re sorry to interrupt your lesson Jamison,
comma before “Jamison”
right away." Your father said
comma and lowercase
“Who is the guest?” You asked,
lowercase
"Princess Amalia, of the Eastern Lands, we are negotiating a peace treaty with them and it is their custom that a member of each ruling family stay with the other. You didn’t understand
This needs a quotation mark at the end of the quote.
a first hand sourse
sourse > source
thank you for your hospitality." She said with a bow.
comma and lowercase
turn your gaze to the Princess’ face her eyes meeting yours.
This needs a comma after “face.”
show our guest to her room." Your mother suggested.
comma and lowercase
gesture for Amalia to follow you, her room was
; or .
she sighed contended
contended > contented
feeling of laying down
laying > lying
"Excuse me your highnesses,
This needs a comma before “your highnesses.” Also I think titles like “your highness” are supposed to be capitalized as “Your Highness,” though I’m not positive on this one.
she wouldn’t get lost in the palace, you knew if she didn’t turn up at dinner
; or .
Amalia emerged from the room just as you got to the doorway, she dressed
; or .
“You look very nice.” She said
comma and lower case, and there were a few more right afterwards too.
"I am settling in well Empress,
comma before “Empress”
"Jacob will be fine Justinian,
comma before MC’s name
The rest of dinner passes rather uneventfully Amalia and your family exchange stories of your respective homelands, causing the evening passes quite quickly and after you had finished your father strongly suggested that you retire to bed early in order to be well rested.
This sentence gets a bit tangled, so you might need to separate it out a bit more, and instead of “causing… passes” it’d be “causing… to pass”
The revolation comes
revolation > revelation
meet your new teacher he was supposed
; or . between “teacher” and “he”
the tunic and breeches you were wearing wasn’t
I’m guessing you wrote this thinking of “dress.” Anyway, the verb’s singular.
No today
Comma after “no.”
"Ahh the prince. "
Comma after “ahh,” because it’s acting more as an interjection. The space is in the wrong place, also.
watching you, his face seemed
; or .
melt away the fearsome appearance, it was almost if as if
; or .
Also you have an extra “if.”
almost distractingly so, every time your mind started
; or .
It wasnt enough
wasnt > wasn’t
quite clear that while practice outside of his lessons were encouraged that he wouldn’t
You don’t need both "that"s.
You arrived at the barracks courtyard a little early one morning, Master Jin had promised
; or .
"I see you arrived early today Justinian,
comma before name
This is a mageblade." Your teacher said
comma and lowercase
You look down on the hilt with skeptical eyes, to you it didn’t seem like much,
; or .
“Where is the blade?” You ask.
lowercase
“What a piece of junk!” You spit.
This depends on whether “you spit” means that “you spit out the words” or whether “you spit” is a separate action as in literally spitting. As a separate action, it’s its own sentence and would be capitalized, but as a manner of speech it would not be.
closed his fingers down around the hilt, you could sense
; or .
managed to grasp the very basic principles, you shift
; or .
sooth away the pain
sooth > soothe (“sooth” means “truth,” as in “forsooth!” or “soothsaying”)
go easy on you prince it will serve
commas before and after “prince” (or alternate title)
the coming evening your instructor finally decided
separate sentences
when a voice comes from behind to startle you.
shifts into present tense here
You smile back, it was
;
"I don’t know
I assume this is Amalia talking now? Then it should be a separate line.
laughing the entire way, your mind idly wonders
; or .
scattered over the surface of his desk, he looks up
; or .
“Amalia said that you wanted to see me?” You offer
lowercase
So I thought that
Needs a quotation mark.
you. "He
misplaced space
you like it?" He asked
lowercase
needed to ask you Justinian I just thought
commas before and after name
Congratulations Justinian,
comma before name
Amalia behind you, you had forgotten
; or .
"The sense school will allow for you to reach out
You don’t need “for.” It’s not really wrong, but it breaks up the flow of the sentence. Likewise for some of the following school descriptions.
It is also often used to cloud minds and dampen sense
Do you mean “senses”?
by assassinating others It also can
missing period
Then there is you"
missing period
"You, prince are
comma after prince (or equivalent)
locations during conflict."
He continues talking after this, so the quotation mark shouldn’t be there.
And thank you for writing this
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